Wow.

Confirmed that my wife is DEEP in fantasyland. She left her apartment open for me today (so yes, I looked around), so I could pick up the dogs. She has all kinds of tarot cards, wicca books, books about Celtic gods, a pentagram (!), etc. She was raised very conservativly, so this is a HUGE deviation from the woman I thought I was married to. Maybe she's looking for a religion that allows affairs (?) Her family would be mortified if they knew these details; they're mad enough with her for leaving me.

I'm speechless. How can one person change so drastically in a matter of weeks? At least I know what she's been buying with her $8000 credit card debt (which has been created in just the last 10 weeks, when she left me)

Also found a note that said, in her writing, "OM loves WS", "WS loves OM", etc. I remember her writing that about me back in high school. I didn't realize adults wrote those kinds of notes to themselves. She's 28; OM's 48. I realize that age isn't as important as it used to be, but she wants kids, and this is hardly the optimal scenario.

Our conversations are always so friendly. I haven't LB'd in weeks. Virtually every time we talk, it seems like she may be coming out of the fog, but obviously not. I'm trying to accept the fact that maybe this is the person who she has become. Maybe the wife that I thought I was married to no longer exists. Maybe the fog just consumed her. It sounds like a MLC, but she's only 28 (?!)

It sounds like she is on a wild ride, but I get the impression she is going to crash soon.

Pray for her, (and be there for her when she comes to her senses).

Shul

She's definitely going to crash, for financial reasons, if nothing else. I fully intend to be here for her what that happens; it's just so painful to see so many negative changes in the person who I've loved for all of my adult life.

I just hope the woman I love is what emerges from this train wreck that she's creating for herself.

Ironic when I read your post in your bio your w mentions time and space.( even though I might add I dont think your W speaks of the time and space I am refering too.

I not long read an article on the trickster at play in adulterous relationships and how he plays very well in the arena of time and space. How he works is...that when the affair partners spend their time together... its what might be called [intimate time and space/]...you know the whole physical requirement bit....then there is the other meetings when social contact is the need. These activities create a head space or as put by the authur a mind space and allows them to talk of the future together...you know how things will different for them next yrs and stuff...even as far as plans of living together.

Now this is where the trick comes in....now apparently language can bring forwarda reality, but the truth is that reality in language is far from and very different to reality experienced in time and space .Talking about a future time makes it more real and by robbing it of its current time, it makes the adulterous relationship feel more timeless and eternal.....and they step futher into what this site refers to as fog...

The trickster is at play through all adulterous relationships...its the same over and over again....I ever catch the little begger.. I'm gunna ring his neck. He is quite clever but he generally loses the game.

Take care ... I know its a long journey and it is a very difficult one......keep talking..she may fall,crash and burn....but it is your hand and heart will be there in the end of it all.....

<small>[ June 16, 2004, 12:03 AM: Message edited by: madmax ]</small>

phantom,

I may be off base, but it sounds to me as if your WW was bored/restless/discontent. She thought the A would "fill her up" and fix her problems. The tarot, pentagram, wiccan book, etc. are simply more indications that she's casting about looking for something that she perceives is missing in her life.

Any chance you could find out what that is? If you could join her on her quest of self-discovery she might feel closer to you. She's probably telling herself that you would never understand.

You might not be able to discuss these things with her w/o being judgmental. If that's the case, don't even try.

Also, she's deep in the fog and she might not be open to sharing these thoughts with you at present.

I just see that she's pretty lost and if you can somehow accept her "lostness" and become a sounding board for her, it could be a good thing. Dunno if that's realistic or not...

Yeah, I've offered several times to help her through this process. I've said that I would enjoy getting to know this 'new person', but she wants no part of it, at this point.

She knows that I'm here for her if she changes her mind. We talk a couple times a week, and I think I'm reinforcing the idea that she could talk to me about this stuff.

Problem is, she already has a sounding board, with the OM, so until that dies, I don't think I can make much progress. I just keep expecting her to wake up and realize that the future that she wants is not with a man that's 20 years older than she is.