I cannot believe the physical pain. Sure I expected to feel loads of emotional pain over my W’s A, but physical pain!? My chest is almost always in a state of slow burning pain. My stomach is always turning to one degree or another. I am surprised to find myself alive each morning when I awake, so very tired but alive nonetheless. I want to scream; I want to break something and just pour my wrath out on it! She (W) gets to grieve and I get to die from the inside out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi zippy!

I was surprised at the physical pain also. I suffered from stomach problems and headaches. My stomach problems were so bad in fact, that I went to see a Dr. and ended up having a colonascopy about two months ago. Dr. said I was fine, that it was stress causing my problems. My stomach problems have just about cleared up, but now am experiencing teeth clenching and grinding during the night!

That's why it is so important to take care of yourself during this time. I know it's hard because you really don't feel like doing anything.

Take care of yourself and the physical pain should clear up.

Take care.

sss

Besides being hit by a nasty twenty-ton cannonball on dday, I experience physical pain now too. Palpitations and chest pain that continues to my arm. The couple of mornings after dday, I threw up!!

Exercise helps a lot, if you have the time. I try to do more just so my blood can circulate better and have those endorphins running in me again.

But the worse is really not being able to sleep. It wrecks the entire day after.

Hi zippy:

I was extremely sick after d-day. The night of d-day I threw up, it was aweful.

My husband, the betrayed had a horribly upset stomach for a couple of weeks, headaches, anxiety rushes, couldn't consentrate at work, etc...

It will get better, but remember to take care of yourself. I think the impact of A's are as bad as when you have a death in your family. So with that in mind (I mean the severity of it all) remember to get plenty of sleep when you can, eat healthy, and pray pray pray...

God bless and my prayers are with you.

Carol

I can relate to the slow burning pain in the chest and stomach. I also virtually stopped eating, but not for long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Im pretty much ok now, except for the occasional pang of nausea when I have a trigger.

I found the best thing for me was to just surround myself with people who love me. They went and got me take-away, helped me do things and encouraged me to look after myself.

Hope it improves for you soon, sending love

My DDAY was about 2 months ago and I still have sleeplessness, fatigue. There have been subsequent "discoveries" on the computer and elsewhwere of contact and I have become physically sick. I've thrown up and had intense pain in my chest.

I think a whole lot of us have gone or are going through this exact pain.....

I know when I first foundout I couldn't eat, I threw up, m chest hurt.... now the waves come every now and then. I have to force myself to eat (for the sake of our unborn child) and the restless nights... I've come to be able to live with it.... maybe one day in the far future I'll be able to sleep again without waking up in a panic every hour and unable to fall back asleep.......

I totally understand. I can't sleep. My stomach has that visceral feeling, like when you go down a hill on a roller coaster, all day long, my chest hurts. Sometimes it feels like it will kill you. I hope it will go away. It's only been three weeks and they're as strong as when I found out.

New pain today, My chest feels like it is filled with lead. I know that I am breathing but it doesn’t feel like I am. Mornings are the WORST!

I know what you are going through. I just weighed myself and I lost another 3 lbs this week bringing the grand total to 18 lbs. Normally good, but not for someone who is 15 weeks pregnant. I am so scared for the baby. The funny thing is, I thought I did better eating this week then I had in a while. I think the stress must increase my metabolism.

I too went though the nausea, the sleeplessness, the loss of weight and sleep. I went to the doctor because it felt like my body was shutting down to die and I had no control over it. The stress is tremendously powerful with this shock to our psyche and heartbreak. I had a constant lump in my throat that felt that if I ate anything I'd throw up which I did quite frequently.

I was put on Anti-D's. I used very small amounts of Xanex at night so I could sleep. Like a quarter of a tablet. I was so afraid of getting addicted. I also used homeopathic nerve medications.

I found that using a simple meditation/observation techiniqe helped lots. You can try one at www.fhu.com

It gets better in time. You have to work on yourself. Get fresh air, exercise, breath. And get a plan.

My marriage has recovered but it has taken a long time. H's A started the end of '94. That one stopped mid-98 after lots of false recoveries. Then he started another (diff. OW) in 2002 until the end of that year when I figured out what was going on from the similar pattern of behavior. I felt stupid that I didn't catch on sooner to his distance and blaming me justifications. After that, I think we finally got recovery right, but it took lots of tough love. I did a modified plan B before I found MB. We attended the MB weekend and have worked on the followup.

He had been getting his affirmations outside of himself from other women who stroked his ego and made him feel needed. He allowed himself to engage in inappropriate intimate conversation and friendships with people of the opposite sex.
He has learned that he can no longer do that and he needs to have clear bounderies, and maintain the rules of protection for our marriage.

Read 'Surviving an Affair', 'Love Must be Tough', by Dobson is helpful too. Well, there are lots of books that have been helpful. Hang in there and be strong. It is worth it. If you can make it through it you can have a much better marriage than pre-A.

Been there.....after 1st confrontation with WW following 3 sleepless nights and long days confirming the obvious, I awoke feeling nauseous and collapsed on my way to the bathroom causing a cut above my eye that should have had sutures.

Following the DD of PA I did not have real sleep for 2 Mos. rquired doses of Imovan (Sp?) to sleep. Always felt I was on the edge of a cliff waiting to jump....those butterflies in the stomach thing. I had to hold snow against my head cuz it was pounding, it hurt and I couldn't shut my thoughts off! I thought I was going crazy.

It get's better.

Time will do that.

The advice given above is good stuff. Take care of yourself, keep moving, keep eating. Treat your body like a machine that requires a bit of maintenace to work properly. Confide in a friend, religeous leader or counselor.

Good luck.

Hi zippy,

There was a thread here a few months? back where we all listed our symptoms from experiencing Infidelity.Many were similar.I had:

-Insomnia(severe-no sleep for 3 weeks straight,lead to hallucinations)Still don't sleep well,have bad dreams

-Teeth grinding in the first few months(lead to jaw pain)

-Depression

-Headaches

-Nausea

-Vomiting

-Loss of apetite

-Weight loss

-Emotional exhaustion(collapsed in restaurant)

-Fatigue-bad(couldn't walk faster than a snail)

And so on.But like the other's mentioned,it does get better with time and some drugs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> AD's really helped pull me out of my slump.I don't think I'll ever be the same again though.Never.I feel like a copy of myself but there's certain parts missing that I may never get back.Ugh.

O

<small>[ June 20, 2004, 12:02 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

~nodding head~
yep been there. In fact that was partly what brought my H out of his fog. I was throwing up, having the shakes feeling like I was having withdrawal symptoms from a major drug.
Lost so much weight between first vist to MC and third visit (2 weeks) she remarked on it when we were all in session. H asked why and she said it was like I was going through a trauma like I would if I had been in a war. Very like post traumatic distress syndrome.
I think it brought home to him the actual pain I was in. But it still took someone outside our marriage to point it out and verify it. Those were bad times. They are getting better. Looking forward to the good times.
Take care of yourself and post, it helps.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Boy, I'm surprise how many had vomited thought this ordeal. I though I was the only one. When my WH was telling me the news, I just wanted to throw-up and eventually I did. It lasted for days. I still have a knot in my stomach.

The chest pains too. There was one time I was actually thinking I was about to have a heart attack. My dad died at the age of 44 of a heart attack and with all the stress, I really thought this was it. The shooting pains in my arm and not being able to breathe.

I go back and forth on sleep. There are some nights where I can't sleep a wink and somedays like today I slept all day. I don't know if I'm suffering from depression or just exhausted from everything I'm dealing with.

I was also suffering from lightheadness for awhile, but that might have been because I wasn't eating. I'm still not eating like I should, but at least I'm eating something.

I really don't want to go on AD, I'm going try the holistic route first.

I also had to have a colonoscopy... which showed redness in the esophegus (sp?). I was given Nexium for six months. For anyone who is having chest/neck tightness/gripping, burning in the chest, or a symptoms of asthma (itchiness and or cough) and slight discomfort breathing - Nexium is for you!

My symptoms came about from not eating along with over production of stomach acid which spills thru the stomach, up the esophegus and causes inflammation. It can also spill into the lungs. That burning chest feel!

Severe stress cause esophegial spasms (there's a name for it but have forgotten now) that feel like heart attacks. This is common. You can all look up your symptoms on the net. That's how I found out what I was suffering from - even though it was hard to believe that my heart tests were totally normal. I'm really petite and exercise A LOT! But still I thought I was having heart trouble.

I swam laps thru out the ordeal of not eating, sleeping etc - and it didn't feel like exercise was helping. Guess I would have been worse without it. Without food it was hard to exercise so I drank Cola, which makes the acid worse! Weight loss was profound. Nexium got me eating again. Anti depressants would have been good but I refused to take them.

It really does feel like someone has reached inside your chest and is ripping out your heart! I suspect that the pain of betrayal is one of the worst pains the human body can experience.