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Joined: Jun 2004
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Maybe it's a sense of pride, but the effort to not LB with a WS seems to require a certain ability to withstand being treated badly.
My WW slept at the house last night and obviously went to see OM late in the evening. She left the house on foot and came back in somebody's car an hour later. She would have to think I was stupid to not know. Is she trying to get me to LB? Is there some way to tell her I will not tolerate this sneaky cake-eating nonsense? I will live with it if I have to, but this behavior is awfully disrespectful. Of course, we communicate so little right now that I don't want our only conversation to be me saying "It hurts me when you do that," and her saying "I'm sorry, but this marriage is over anyway and I'll see him if I want." Of course, I don't know that's how she'd respond, but it seems to fit.
GC
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Joined: May 2002
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graycloud, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I *know* how much it hurts to have it thrown in your face like that. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is there some way to tell her I will not tolerate this sneaky cake-eating nonsense?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, saying "I will not tolerate" is a big fat LB. A big fat selfish demand and veiled threat. You can tell her how it makes you feel. You can ask her to stop. You can move to Plan B.
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Joined: May 2004
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Gray -- I'm struggling with this, too. On one hand, you don't want to appear weak, and let them get away with anything. But on the other hand, there's not a whole lot you can do to stop their poor behavior that won't be interpreted as a LB. Such is Plan A. Just have faith that the woman you love is in there somewhere, and that she will eventually emerge from this mess. When she does, be there for her. That's my theory of the week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Joined: Jun 2004
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I knew that sentence was trouble, but it was just a vent, not a thing I'd actually ever say to her. I'd just tell her that what she's doing hurts me, and I expect she would respond by not staying at the house again. I'm not ready for plan B I don't think. I was glad to see her yesterday and I feel sorry for her; she seems to be struggling and confused even though she says she's sure she wants the D.
I have to say, what she did made me feel hurt and taken advantage of, but it was not a surprise either, and it didn't really make me feel much worse. I guess I'm learning to not let her injure me. I only wonder if she is trying to get me to react, somehow. So confusing.
GC
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Joined: Oct 2002
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Telling your wife that doesn't live with you,
that is looking for her own place to live with OM,
that you let stay at your house because you love her,
That you know she is sneaking of to meet OM is not a LB.
Plan A/not LB'ing isn't being a doormat or letting your WS take advantage of you.
I say you tell her that you don't want her seeing OM. I'm sure she already knows how it makes you feel.
Standing up for yourself isn't an LB.
God Bless,
Doug
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