Lost & Alone - Go rent all six seasons of Sex and the City and watch one episode after another. They are great. I use to love making a Cosmoplitan and watching it on Sunday evenings (just cranberry juice for me right now)! They will be a great diversion.

kloe72
Yeh, I'll have to find things to take up my time. Mostly weekends will be the problem. Don't worry, I'll find something. I can't stand just sitting home being sad, even though it would be so easy to just cave in to the loneliness. I won't do that again.

I read all the posts from the pregnant BS's and it makes me very sad. WH left me while I was pregnant with our daughter. It wasn't an affair, he just decided he wasn't ready to be a dad yet. He ran home that time too. He came back shortly before she was born, but I'm not sure I ever really forgave him for that. It hurt me so much to be abandoned while I was pregnant. This was after I chose him despite my parents telling me that they would never have anything to do w/ me if I stayed w/ him. (I'm caucasion & he's hispanic. My parents were very very old fashioned and didn't believe in interracial marriages. BTW, they eventually accepted him when DD was 2 years old. They have both passed away 8 years ago.) So, while I was pregnant I didn't even have my parents to help me. Then, I got layed off from my job and had to go on medicaid. I even considered suicide a couple times when I would get so sad at night. I'm glad I managed to talk myself out of it.

I'm rambling again. I think I'm putting off going home just so WH can leave and go to his parents. (Deep Breath) I might as well go on home. Life sucks sometimes!

Hang in there. It's not over til it's over. You need to let him go. Then do nice things for yourself. I did lots of housecleaning, organizing, started a new business.

There are many things to do to keep your mind off of him.

When I left the house this morning at 9:00am to take DD to her skating practice, WH told me he was probably moving out today. I told him, "Okay, I love you and take care of yourself." His response was, "Why do you say that? I'm still going to see you, aren't I?" I just smiled and said I had to go or we'd be late. Well, it's almost 6:00pm now and I called WH. He told he wasn't going to do anything today.

Part of me is relieved that he hasn't left, but the other part of me is tired of having my chain yanked every day when he tells me he's moving out. Doesn't he realize or care that his moving out will break my heart when he does it? I wish he'd just go ahead and go if he's going to do it. I'm not sure I can keep doing this. Should I just tell him to leave and make him go?

WH, DD, & I spent the evening at WH's parents house for Father's Day. When we got home around 11:30pm last night, WH wanted to lie down and hold eachother for a while. WH initiated sex, so I went with it. Don't misunderstand, I really do enjoy sex w/ H, but in light of our current situation, it just confuses me.

My friends keep telling me that WH is not really going to leave. Our IC tells me that WH needs to leave so he can "miss me" (this seems to be similar to Plan B thinking.) WH is still hoping OW will come back to him, and maybe she will. They're both so attached to eachother now.

I come home everyday half expecting WH to either be moved out or in the process of moving out. My chest tightens and I get myself prepared. Then I see his car and realize he hasn't left....yet. I've been doing this for 6 months.

Does there come a point where I "make" him leave? How do I let go of my best friend? I know he's just not himself now. Whewwww, I start crying just thinking about it.

Well sounds like he is still fence sitting. Try to stay in Plan A for 6 months, and the time for Plan B.

L&A,

Have you ever considered that you are enabling the A but allowing him to have his cake and eat it to?

Just a thought. Mine told me that and that is when I went to plan B.

One thing I did know even at that early stage, I did NOT want to enable the A. In no way shape or form.

The WS will give you some token of an EN but not lasting. Remember he is pining away for the OW, you c/b just left overs right now. Sorry to be mean but that is how the WS sees the BS and family.

Think long and hard. Figure out if you have the strength to do a plan B now. Know that he will fight you and threaten that you are ending the M by putting him out. Learn how to give your rebuttal. Let him know that his A isn't helping your M either since it makes you sick to think that when he is having the PA w/OW and then with you, he is escentially making you have sex with every man the OW has had sex with. YUCK!!!!! See if he likes that piece of sick news. If he does, you'd better run to plan B.

Also get yourself tested for STD. OWs can be quite a dirty bunch.....you never know who they have been with. Some get $$ others just like the fun, either way, they aren't clean in that state.

When you read this thread, be prepared for flames from the TOW trollers. What I put in the above paragraph may anger a few of them. Just remember, if the shoe fits them (OWs), they can wear it. You need to be safe.

take care,
L.

Orchid,
I do feel like I'm enabling the A. WH obviously wants both of us.

WH is still going to his band rehearsals every Thursday night. OW is still going too. I have a problem w/ this. This is a hobby, not their careers. They do not get paid for this. I actually encouraged WH to go back to this band 2 years ago, because it made him so happy. Now, in light of the A, I think he should quit. WH disagrees of course.

Our daughter's Regional competition (to qualify to go to Nationals) is over the 4th of July weekend in Dallas. WH's band has several concerts around the Houston area on the 4th. So instead of telling the band that he won't be able to play, he told our daughter that he wasn't going to her competition. I was completely floored!

I think WH just needs to move on now. He obviously doesn't care about our family at all, not even DD who used to be the center of his life.

I'm scared to death, but I think Plan B is my only alternative now.

Hey there, hang in there, Plan B can be very calming. Doesn't sound like he wants to leave, he's trying to get something out of you...

You can always ask...."Honey, you are telling me daily that you are leaving, even calling me from an apt locator, what do you want from me?"

And pardon me if I missed this, but are you in contact with the OWH?

SHMI,
I have not personally spoken to OWH. He does know about the A, but I don't know WHAT he knows.

It does seem that WH doesn't REALLY want to leave, but he sure pounds it in my head enough. I love him, but just how much of this fence sitting should I endure? I suppose I could go longer if I thought things would get better eventually. I'm not sure they will as long as WH keep things status quo.

Hmmm. Might be time for Plan B. That may shake him off the fence. Do you have all your ducks in a row? You need to decide how to communicate about kids/finances.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lost & Alone:
<strong> SHMI,
I have not personally spoken to OWH. He does know about the A, but I don't know WHAT he knows.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you haven't spoken to him then how do you know that he knows? I would call him TODAY and discuss the affair and plan a strategy to end the affair. He could become your best allie. And I would do it NOW because I suspect you are headed for Plan B.

And I very much second waht SMIH said about encouraging him to move. That will put the ball right back in court and he can put up or shut up. You will probably find great peace in Plan B and it would pull him off that fence.

But, your best bet right now is to call the OWH and start talking to him DAILY!

MelodyLane,
I have not been in contact personally w/ OWH. For some reason, I'm really scared to talk to him. Quite frankly, I don't usually play the "secret game" very well. Normally, I would grab everyone involved, face-to-face, and hash it out. That just doesn't seem to be the right thing to do.

WH told me today that he already has an apt, but he doesn't know when he'll move out. I told him the 1st is Thursday, but he said he didn't know if he would move that day or not. I asked him what he was waiting for. He told me that he hadn't been apart from me for more than 3-4 days in 17 years and he wasn't sure he could make it without me.

This conversation was about an hour after he told me that he had to get away from me and sort things out, it was all my fault that OW wasn't speaking to him, and it was none of my business who he talked to or where he went.

Soooo, not much has changed. He's still here (for now). In spite of all that has happened over the last 7-8 months, I don't think I'm really really ready for him to move. At the same time, I can't allow him to continue being disrespectful to me and our daughter.

L&A,

Glad you posted. I was just thinking about you and wondered how you were doing.

Well your H is certainly babbling again. From not knowing when he 'wants' to move out (can't be apart from you???? is that what he thinks when he is with the OW???) to needing to find himself?

Well his want vs your need s/b decided. I used to let the WS make the decisions but they always dragged out to my detriment. I recommend you tell him when he should move out when you are ready. If he isn't, help him. I 1st packed H's stuff up real nice in boxes, suitcases and stuff. The 2nd & 3rd times it was in trash bags out in the garage. The 4th & 5th times it was out on the front lawn without the bags. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Each time I did it quicker than the previous times. Got it down to less than 2 hours. So much for the Ws excuse he needed 2 weeks. LOL!!!

L.

Orchid,
I have to start out by saying that I'm glad ya'll are hanging in there with me. It must be very frustrating to continually give advice/recommendations, and we don't follow it. Believe me, I am listening. Between you guys and my IC, I am moving forward.

I have concluded that my marriage isn't much of a marriage if WH won't commit to NC, Radical Honesty, and POJA. Afterall, if you have nothing to hide and you love your partner, those things are really no-brainers and quite easy to follow. I told WH that I expected those things from him and that he should expect them from me. He visibly cringed when I said that, so I know he isn't ready to even begin implementing any of it.

I've crunched some numbers and determined that I can manage financially after WH leaves. DD won't be able to spend money as crazily as she has in the past, but she'll be fine. So will I. WH has agreed to a child support amount. As long as he follows the agreement, I won't get a court order. WH knows I can do this easily, because I work for the agency in Texas that establishes and enforces child support.

When WH leaves, I will miss my husband, my lover, my all-around handyman, but most of all I'll miss my best friend and companion. Like WH said, we haven't been apart for more than a few days in 17 years. We've been best friends & confidants for 25 years. I still can't believe he's willing to throw that away. There's always the possibility that he'll realize that after he leaves. Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

WH just called me at work. He's going to make supper. He sounded sad, but when I asked if something was wrong, he just said, "Nah." Something must have happened. He only sounds this way when he's pining for OW. Maybe she called or text messaged him. Or, maybe he's decided to move out tonight. GREAT, just frigging great!

In my earlier post, I touched on our 25 year friendship and 17 year marriage. It made me think about WH all those years ago. I realize that the man that is behaving like this REALLY is not the man I befriended and married. I don't know this man that so easily had an A and now disregards his daughter who was the center of his universe. I feel like that old gameshow...."Will the real (Insert WH's name here) please step forward!"

Okay, I'm rambling.

I'm just putting off going home.

I'm going now.

WH just called me at work. He's going to make supper. He sounded sad, but when I asked if something was wrong, he just said, "Nah." Something must have happened. He only sounds this way when he's pining for OW. Maybe she called or text messaged him. Or, maybe he's decided to move out tonight. GREAT, just frigging great!

In my earlier post, I touched on our 25 year friendship and 17 year marriage. It made me think about WH all those years ago. I realize that the man that is behaving like this REALLY is not the man I befriended and married. I don't know this man that so easily had an A and now disregards his daughter who was the center of his universe. It feels like that old gameshow...."Will the real (Insert WH's name here) please step forward!"

Okay, I'm rambling.

I'm just putting off going home.

I'm going now.

L&A,

Sounds like your mind is clearing up and you are using it to see things as they are. Of course your H has morphed into another being. He can return to his self in an even better state (human and humane) but it is something he must do.

You can be his cheering section from the sidelines but he must do the bulk of the work himself.

The piece that is critical is that you minimize your association with the morphed alien. Otherwise, you c/b sucked into the fog and then what?!?!? Shudder the thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

BTW, many of us have been where you are at now. We understand and empathize. I was a pretty stubborn one when I came. Bramble Rose and a few others, used the 2x4 many times to get MB concepts through this thick noggin. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

Today both WH & I had our IC sessions. WH confirmed w/ me afterwards that he had indeed signed a 6 month lease in a one BR apt down the street from us. I asked when he was moving. His reply was his standard, "I don't know. Do you want me to move out tonight?" I told him to go ahead and go tonight. He agreed. He's already complaining that he doesn't have any money. (I could have told him he couldn't afford to move.) My entire chest tightens every time I think about WH moving out, but I also realize things can't stay the way they are. Maybe WH moving out will give him a big dose of reality especially if I stay away from him and don't let him come around. Or...maybe he'll decide he really likes being single (or at least away from me)and in that case, it's time we both move on.

Well, WH just called from home. He might wait 'til tomorrow to move. I don't know what to do. I feel pulled in two different directions. My heart is pulling one way and my head is pulling the other. I have to make him move out by tomorrow at the latest. I don't want him in our apt while DD & I are in Dallas over the 4th of July weekend.

wow are you strong. i wish i could have your strength. what you did was good, in your first post that you let him ramble on with his stupidity while saying nothing, maybe thats what ill do when it comes down to it, i know its coming. doesnt sound like he really wants to leave either.i would try plan b since he cant seem to make up his damn mind what he wants to do.