I need people to tell me about their Plan B success stories? I am having a really, really, really hard time going into this for the SECOND time. The first time lasted only 10 days. this time I am very reluctant cuz WH keeps...well, never mind...he goes back and forth with the I love you's and the fog talk! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

No 2x4's please, I am having a really really really hard day today! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It depends ...

It has to be picth dark Plan B !.
It depends on your M history ... (it is positive as far as I know).
It depends on how much LB'ed OW would do ... (LB'ed from him would not that matter since she is the pursuer).
It depends other external factors that would put stress on their R.

Go back to your private support and don't post publicly.

-rh-

Look for ISgirl story...she plan B for one year and hers is a success story...she has a plan B thread too just like what tinman created...its a long thread...after all one year is a long time waiting. She did a solid plan B for 6 months before her WH started turning around. Lostbird is her WH. He also posted her before he finally return to Isgirl. Try looking for their post in search.

Plan B is not only about getting back WH...that is just a part of the plan. The real plan is getting you to a stage that you can get on with your life.

I can see you in me...the things that you are going through...the daily i want him and i dont want him thoughts...those constant dillema.

I can guarantee that plan B will get you to a stage where you will be peaceful with your decision whatever it is when the time comes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi guys...oh redhat, how did I know you were going to reply to me. I KNOW what YOU think! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> zizzycool...I am familiar with ISGirl and lostbird, and I know that lostbird eventually came home. He left again a few weeks ago. I was very sorry for them and I was very scared for my own situation, as me and my WH were in recovery at that time. Soon enough my WH was back in his affair again. i do not know if lostbird is back with his OW or not. But I pray all the time that they will reconcile again.
I know what I need to do, it is just getting the nerve to do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Mom, from lurking around your posts for awhile, I know you are not short on nerve. I don't think that is what is holding you back.

I think you just don't want to go through all of that again. I know you can do it.

I have such hope for you and Dad. It took my FWH a long time (almost 4 months) to come back to me, and that is after OW dumped him!

Follow the plans. They work. Work on you. Search your heart and discover what you can and cannot live with. And create that reality in your life.

I have to say, from the other side, I am grateful for the A in a way. I cannot think of any other single event that could have caused me to grow so much, and mine and H's communication and dedication to increase so much, in such a short period of time - relatively.

That is what I hope for you, as well. To get to the other side, and tell me if I am just full of crap or not!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Prayers to you. Take care. You are an amazing woman. Do not forget that. Your H will be the extreme loser, and he knows it, if he cannot pull his head out of that dark place he has it wedged in now.

SS

Mortarman was one...i read that. So did Mimi1254..but non did plan B as long as Isgirl did...i read another..diary of a madman...maybe you can search on that.

I know you want him to come home and you are ready to do ANY plans as long as it will bring WH home. I was also in your shoes and ready to do anything as long as it has some kind of guarantee in it. I finally realise there is no guarantee in plan B but it does help YOU.

Look at all of us in plan B...we are fine and we are moving on.

I almost had a ridiculous thought of going back and do plan A again after my last contact with WH. But your posting about losing Dad again,turn me around. If i did not read your posting...i think i would probably be doing plan A now and get myself all hurt AGAIN. We are in a fog. You need to get out of it by doing plan B. When you do plan B then you can see a little bit clearly on what you really need to do.

But do what you can and everyting you can in plan A...when you think it is enough then proceed to plan B. It is time you think about yourself. You cannot help Dad anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mom,
I have posted to you before, and I don't have much time, but I definitely credit Plan B for getting my FWH and I closer to recovery, but it took more too!

Don't be fearful. Trust in God. Trust in yourself and the love inside you. This WILL be a journey in which you discover so much about yourself. It will make you stronger and a more enlightened person. I can tell because of all you have done before and your willingness to be open to what you can learn at each step of the way.

My recommendations for Plan B:
#Really, NO R talk unless H brings it up, and limit it to: when you have completed NC with OW and are willing to live with the protections we set up for no contact and are willing to dedicate yourself to working on our M, we can discuss our R.

#Do NOT think about, worry, spy or otherwise give any of your attention, concern etc. to what your H is doing at this time. It is akin to worrying, which we all know damages us and does no good to solve the situation at hand.

#Grow in your spirituality. Love yourself and treat yourself well. Love and enjoy your boys, family and friends.

#Remember, this is about YOU and protecting YOUR love for your H so that when he pulls his head out, there is some reserve left from which to rebuild.

My first Plan B lasted I think a few weeks. H came home, said he had ended it, wanted to come home. We did not have enough precautions in place for NC. He did not write the NC letter, we did no counseling and we had no PLAN for recovery.

Very shortly after his return home I discovered continued contact. Tried to hang on, talked about why NC was necessary etc. etc. Still in the fog.

A couple of months later I discovered him still making calls, sending gifts and unsure, but probably personal contact (by this time we were living in a different state from OW, but he was traveling on business without me)

While he was on a trip to her home city, one that I requested he not take, and he would not promise no contact, just that he had "no plans" I packed up half the house and our 2 yo D and moved to my parents' house. This lasted 3 months. I didn't adhere very well to #1 above and this enabled him to see I was still connected and inhibit any fear he might have of losing me for good. The A continued.

I started to feel a real peace. My parents cared for me, I started making friends, being with family, reading books for MYSELF, not relationships. Mostly, grew in my relationship with God. I listened to Christian music and prayed.

One weekend, I flew up to Portland for a friend's 4oth b-day. I left my D with my parents. H called, as usual to talk to D while I was gone, but also asked to talk with me. Parents were evasive--she's out etc., won't be back until late, kind of made it seem like I was out on a date. He called into the evening and the next am. Kept being told I was not available. During that weekend, I thought my M was over. I started to truly accept that instead of fighting it. I knew that I had done all that I could with what he was doing. The next move would be his. I enjoyed myself with my friends and was myself. I just stopped worrying about my M and trusted in God that I would be OK no matter what, pain not withstanding.

Meanwhile, he got afraid--I wasn't around, didn't take his calls, probably on a date, WTF??? He had just seen OW again and she was pushing for a commitment now that we were separated.

So, our beginnings of recovery--counseled with SH and I moved home about a month later.

Sadly, I didn't enforce my boundaries enough and didn't check on contact enough. OW continued to call, H would talk to her and then would call her too. They may have seen each other again. Contact was on and off again for months, probably 9 months, I think. I kept reiterating my boundaries and he would agree, but would fall off the wagon. He did stop calling her, but would talk to her, briefly if she did call.

I reached a breaking point a few months ago. I realized that despite all we had done and the obvious improvements in our M I could not live with contact in any form ever again. I told H that point blank and told him I did not want him home if he could not or would not promise this AND counsel again with SH. Put a plan together for NC, did EN's ? and counseling with SH. Things have steadily, and I mean steadily, gotten better. Today I feel better about our M than I have probably since we were first married.

There are many points along the way at which I feel I would have had a clear conscience about calling it quits. I have always done everything that I could to make the M work. It just always seemed that when I would flat out give up, God would tell me to get myself up and keep trying, or my H would actually DO something that gave me hope.

I have to go, but I want to encourage you to do what is right. Do NOT allow the A to continue with you in the middle. What your H is doing is wrong and you can't be a party to it. If and when he is willing to end it and work on the M for good, you will be there.

Take care and hang in!!!!