Just had a pretty good day even though the pain in the pit of my stomach has not left.

took the kids to the pool, had a great workout after 14 days of sitting on my bum, brought a buddy home for my oldest son.

On the way home, we stopped to get a snack. As I drive out, there is the OMs car. Seems like a minor thing, but I feel like someone literally stabs me every time. He stopped driving by my house after I broke things off, now he is doing it again. (I am at the entrance of the neighborhood. He can go left which takes him by my house, or he can go right which avoids my house.) I was so happy when he started taking the other route. Then last night I am talking on the phone to my best buddy in the world, praying together, having peace, and there he goes! I felt like I had been hit by a baseball bat. It sounds silly, but it knocks me back to square one. I feel little and stupid, and then have to realize all over again how easy it seems to him to go his merry way with no repurcussions.

i know I did this to myself and my own M. I have confessed and we are working through the aftermath. He is just going happily on with his own life with nothing bad to show for it. Sounds a little vengeful, I know.

Anyway, I am tired of seeing these cars every day! God must know what I can handle. Sorry. Just really needed to tell someone. Thanks MBERS.

<small>[ June 26, 2004, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: runawaypot ]</small>

USE your sense of humor...

call it

"the creep-mobile"

and imagine a giant cockroach is at the wheel....

then imagine a giant can of raid...

and then imagine the creep-mobile sprayed with raid....

and imagine the coackroach coughing and eyes watering...

and the little creep-mobile drives all crazy...

finally the creep-mobile crashes into a GIANT pile of manure !

end of film....

academy award speech pending.....


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

This too will pass.

I just saw your post Pepperband. I will do it. If I laugh as hard as I just did, I may wreck my own car. It would be worth the imagery however.

I know my post sounds pitiful. It just happens to cause physical pain when I see anything to do with him.

I feel like crud because I am the WS and the BSs out there have got to feel that physically sick pain too.

Thanks for just listening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You have completely normal feelings. Stick with us and you WILL get through this.

Hang in there - it will get better!

I’m in recovery for a long time now and I can promise you, this will get better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I still work at the same company as former OM. Sometimes I accidentally see him; bump into him; see his car etc., but these incidents don’t have such a big influence on me like it used to be. Give it time and patience... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 03:13 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

runawaypot,

hang in there!! you did really good by sharing that here. you will make it thru this.

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 07:25 AM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>

I know my post sounds pitiful. It just happens to cause physical pain when I see anything to do with him.

Miss Pot .... The physical pain is in part fear-based. Like an anxiety attack.

When my kids were small, sometimes they would be fearful of ordinary objects, like shadows in their closet... stuff like that.

So, I would tell them stories. Funny stories that poked fun at the scary "whatever" and allowed the child to feel superior and in control over the "whatever". The child could control the outcome in the funny stories, and that control diminished the fear-factor.
It usually worked.

So, give your inner child permission to take charge of these types of situations using your imagination and your wicked sense of humor.

Here is a totally unrelated event ....

This AM as I drove out of my neighborhood, I saw a neighbor's lawn COMPLETELY COVERED with pink plastic lawn flamingos!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Is THIS the new version of getting your house toilet-papered? I used to LOVE waking up with our entire house covered with TP ... the kid's friends had done during our sleep. This would make me want to go decorate some one elses house!!!

TODAY ... I am in the market for 100 pink plastic lawn flamingos!!!!

ebay?

Have some fun girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Be silly.

Pep

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Hi RAP,

Not much to offer. I felt the same as you when I would see OW's car out. It created a firestorm of emotional confusion in me and I would feel physically sick. Sometimes had the urge to follow her home. Sometimes had the urge to drive in the opposite direction as far as the car and road would go.

This passes with time. I still see her out sometimes. It makes me sad now, but not confused. It's a reminder of two marriages destroyed...but only one rebuilt. I'm very remorseful and sad about that.

I often thought about moving to "get away". If the circumstances had been right, I think we might have.

Hang in there, RAP.

Low

Thank you all for your responses.

Suzet,
I have to admit it helps so much to hear from both the BS and WS that has come so far. Right now, it does not feel like I will ever stop feeling this way. That's why I appreciate ALL your stories. It helps me to move on, slithering on my belly at times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , but moving on all the same.

Pepperband,
Your input is so wise. I know you are right, but my sense of humor(although legitimately twisted-ask my H) feels paralyzed at times. I'm going to give it a try, and it will hopefully get easier every time.

Low Orbit,
Thank you for your input too. I am sorry for what you have gone through. i think it would be a LOT easier if I could move also, but that probably won't be an option very soon. Thanks for sharing.

Oh, and Pep,

I would love it if the pink flamingos were the new TPing. That would be great!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> to realize all over again how easy it seems to him to go his merry way with no repurcussions.

i know I did this to myself and my own M. I have confessed and we are working through the aftermath. He is just going happily on with his own life with nothing bad to show for it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RAP~

I said that almost word for word one day, (while feeling sorry for myself), to my BH. Being the gracious and wise man my H is, he said, "x-om may appear to not have repercussions, but if he doesn't now, he will...someday, somehow, but it is none of our concern". My H also said, "Besides, x-om is the big loser in all this, because I get the only gift from the whole mess...OC".

So don't worry or care if x-om seems to not be having to pay. Our sins catch up with us sooner or later. Concentrate on getting yourself and your M healthy.

RAP -

I'm right here with you. I see FOW's car all the time. In the beginning I was get so angry and usually go home and LB my H for doing this to me.

Now I have a bible verse that I say in my head when I see her or her car. It helps and reminds me of the outcome I want from all of this. It doesn't take away the pain but I can tell you that right now seeing her car doesn't hurt near as bad now as it did a few months ago. I'm hoping I'll be able to say the same thing again in a few months.

Before you know it I won't even notice it or her. But it would be very hard not to notice her...considering her sheer mass of her @ss and not to mention the pitch fork she carries around.

Find some kind of humor to focus on. I like pep's idea!

runawaypot,

As long ago as it was for me, I remember these feelings. Seeing his car and feeling sick. Seeing him and feeling sick. Being repelled and sort of hypnotized simultaneously.

Two things helped me: working to avoid seeing him or his car (which was hard since we were in the same workplace) and examining the root of the 'sick' feeling.

I think the root of it is really, really deep childhood things. Shame. Abandonment. And so on. I agree with Pep in that regard about treating yourself as a child in these cases. Concentrate on soothing yourself, in other words.

And, about his getting off scot free, because you have feelings and you don't think he does, or whatever...trust me. They do NOT get off scot free. There is always a price to pay.

By the way, your post does not sound pitiful, at least not to someone who has been there--and left that place behind. As you also will.

RAP, you must have missed my post just recently when I saw OM sitting outside at a cafe and it was too late for me to retrace my steps. I had to walk right past him.

Luckily, I came on here and dear, dear JL sorted me out.

It's all part of it.

Jenny

Okay guys. Sorry to do this. I just can't handle it right now. I went and got a movie for the boys, came home,a nd my H was already here. I have been feeling very lonely today. here is my whole family in the other room, and I have no desire to be in there. Mainly because I can't stop crying and I don't want to be a dark cloud. My H is wonderful, as many of you know from his posts. It has been extremely draining between us the last couple of days. I go to bed discussing what he is thinking or needing to ask. It can be a number of things like he is feeling neglected and doesn't see me trying. Then I wake up and it is the first thing said to me. Anything about what we need to work on.

I know I sound horrible. I am so worn out. I really want to run away and I don't know what my da** problem is. I know I should want to be with my H, but just being in the same room is so tense right now, even when he is trying. I know he is hurt. Here I am feeling like a complete basket case, can't stop crying, and he is hurt because he feels neglected. We are not doing any good for each other right now.

Not to mention that God really showed me , very personally, how my will needs to be broken in counseling. I never really saw this. This dumb A is bringing up so much more in me than I knew was there.

Sorry to vent. Feel so alone, and I don't want to go seek out the OM. Can't ask H to comfort me. i think he hurts too much.

The worst part is I went out today with my youngest child to get the movie, saw the vehicle, and attempted to follow him. Not to see him. Truly. Just to see what he is up to. I am so angry, sad, confused. I probably spent 30 minutes going where he might be, knowing I am just punishing myself. How pitiful! I thought I was doing better than that. I don't really want him,a nd I don't feel anything at home right now. I don't want it to stay this way. I am sorry, I just feel so hopeless tonight.

Okay. It was good to get off my chest. Now I am reading it , and YUCK! Will pick myself up and try to do something to get my mind off it. Have lots to do around here tonight anyway! Blessings.

runawaypot,

i'm too tired myself to say to much to ya but i hear you. i'm sorry you are having a hard time right now too. what is up with that? me, you, kas...

in my case, i think i am the one talking about it too much...

i don't know the answers, all i know is we have to keep trying, there really is no other way.

try to relax, try to go veg out on the couch and watch the movie with the family.

Thanks FL. I have been following your thread, and I think it is good for you to talk it out. You seem like a smart girl, and I admire all you are giving to your family.