Dhanush,

If that's what it's like to be "recovered" (as you stated you are), then I don't wanna go there. Fortunately for me, I don't believe you. You sound very angry and bitter. If you aren't, then why would you choose words like that? That was probably the most offensive thing I've ever read.

Oh, and here's why I don't think you are recovered. You said our husbands should come before God. I would never listen to someone who says such a thing. That one statement alone nullified everything else you said.

Well, you had your rant, and now I had mine.

Moving Forward,
J

Originally posted by onlywords:

"But if I hide what I'm feeling, it would be a LOT easier to "feed the beast", so to speak. In other words, if I didn't talk about how I still sometimes want to "accidentally" bump into OM, or that I miss him sometimes, then husband might get a false sense of security, thinking I'm over him. And it holds me accountable, knowing that he knows! "

Dear OW (that's only words ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

This may be a bit too early in your process to fully understand what I am about to say ... so keep it in mind for later use...

Feelings just "are".

Don't assign meaning or importance to these feelings ....... let them flow past you, like the wind.

Just because you "feel" something doesn't make it real.

And, the best way to rid yourself of unwelcome feelings is to give that feeling ZERO importance and ZERO significance to your life.

Look at it, and then allow the feeling to pass past you without further thought.

Put the feeling behind you as soon as you recognize it.

In that way, the feeling is not "fed" by obsessing about "what does it mean that I feel this way"....

In my original post, I refered to the BEAST , and I meant evil, satan, THE BEAST thrives on these types of feelings .... which are essentially poison for your soul.

I am not effected emotionally by YOUR having these feelings and expressing them as if they have meaning and purpose .... but YOU are effected.... and it's poison. And I am asking you to stop, for your sake, not for mine.

Pep

<small>[ June 27, 2004, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pepper,

Why do we have feelings?

What purpose do they serve? Is my goal to live an emotionless life?

I'm not trying to contradict you or argue...I really want to know. That's another one of my BIG questions.

" That was probably the most offensive thing I've ever read. "

I also found portions of that message very ugly and nasty, and I reported it.... and the moderators will decide if parts of that post go or stay.

Only W.... instead of responding to any post that offends you .... click the "report post" icon on the bottom.

Sheeeeeesh!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Pep

Pepper,

Do you feel like you're babysitting?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm getting out of here for a while.

<small>[ June 27, 2004, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: onlywords ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by onlywords:
<strong> Pepper,

Why do we have feelings?

What purpose do they serve? Is my goal to live an emotionless life?

I'm not trying to contradict you or argue...I really want to know. That's another one of my BIG questions. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I actually ADORE your question! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Our feelings make us human.

But, some feelings are harmful to us.... like people who struggle with looking at porn excessively, for example. If they allow their feelings of desire to "go there" it is likely their obsession will increase not decrease.

I am NOT saying your feelings are equivilant to porn (not at all) ... but your OM thought are harmful to you, harmful to your marriage, harmful to your family ..... and YOU have the ability, nee the duty, to dispose of unhealthy feelings before they make crap out of your life.

Don't you think you made quite a leap ... me saying you should live an "emotionless life" .... care to back down from that ???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Pepper,

I didn't mean any offense by that...I KNOW that isn't what you said....that was MY conclusion to your statement. But then, I'm sure you didn't take offense...you weren't emotionally affected by what I said, were you?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
J

Nope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I understand you better than you think i do......

Cuz I have done crappier crap than you could ever think up in your worst nightmares.

Pep

Pepper,

Now you're starting to sound like the OM...he thought he was THE biggest outlaw, done things lower than low, therefore assumed he knew what lay behind everything I did or said. That bugs me, sorry. We are not all alike, nor do we all think the same.
You seem to be a well-respected "fixture" on this board. I haven't been around very long, so I'm sorry if I seem naive to you (if I do!) Maybe someday I'll find out you are right. But long gone are the days when I passively absorb everything everyone tells me. I grew up going to church, now I haven't gone for two years because I started questioning everything that had been spoon-fed to me over the years.
I may just end up back where I started in my beliefs, but this time it won't be because someone else said I should.

That's where I'm coming from...that's where I am right now. I was just about to beg you not to take offense, but from what you've said, there is no need for me to do that.

Is there somewhere on this board I can find your "story"? I don't know much about you. I am definitely interested...

J

Ladies - Well you have posts from EVERYONE. But please don't let that get to you.

You are good women, and good women rise above.

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 05:22 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

OK-Im confused-
I cant tell my feelings
to my husband-it hurts
him to think I am still
suffering & having trouble
some days w/ OM thoughts-
well, I am told
he will never "completely
trust" me again anyway.
I finally find a thread of
FWW & we vent to each other
& now that is wrong-we cant
give ourselves any kind of
thought whatsoever??!! I
dont understand any of this
anymore-I feel like every
time I am getting relaxed
chatting-someone shows up &
says-NONO-you are not doing this
right-that right-Im giving up
for a while-I get tired of
all the battling & disagreeing.
I feel overwhelmed enough some
days after everything I have
been thru-fight it out among
yourselves-
put my husband before my own
existence?-I cant believe that
was said.

Ladies -

This is a safe place. Please keep posting here. You will not always make everyone here happy. Too bad.

Keep working through what you need to work through. There will always be people trying to take you down, pay no attention.

This is your thread, keep on keeping on.

Please everyone, try to ignore dhanush's post. It turned up on our thread as well and upset us.

Please, PAL, no one is saying your thoughts are wrong.

I just know how easy it is to open the floodgates of talking ABOUT the OM and not talking about the feelings surrounding this.

Remember, I AM a FWW although sometimes I think I'm beginning to sound like a BS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Listen to Pep. I do.

Jenny

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 05:23 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

KiwiJ, BV, Believer, PeaceandLove,


AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! What I have just witnessed, through all of you, is incredible strength, perseverance, love, and faith. Sometimes we get thrown off track so easily...but you have just shown me that set-backs aren't failures, and failures aren't death. And you've shown me that ALL of you have what it takes to make it through recovery, with a whole lot left to spare!

You are all truly an inspiration to me! I think I'll stay after all! Throw some of that "stick-to-it-iveness" my way, won't you?

I wanna be like you when I "grow up" !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It's taken me to get to 50 to grow up and I still don't think I have. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You'll get there Onlywords.

You're all such an asset here.

Jenny

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 05:24 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

Hi all. I just came back after exercising and my family going to the pool. The last post I really saw was from Dhanush.

It sounds like you all have had a great dialogue. I am glad you have decided to stick with us onlywords. PAL, come back here young lady. We need you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay. I don't want to be the first one to start talking about struggle, but here it is.

I am not wanting OM. As I said, he has called and I received one of those calls two days ago. My H is helping with that. It has bothered me, but not made me want him back. All very confusing.

Anyway, I do feel new to this as some of you do. What is hitting me is what Dhanush said. It was not with love, but it was not without truth. I think what is really hitting me is the truth of how awfully I chose to be used. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't stop crying, and I am feeling like complete trash.

Okay, please know I am just expressing myself. I know the truth of God's love for me in my mind, but right now I am struggling with getting it into my heart.

I just needed to share. This will pass. I am so glad you are all here. Hopefully, one day, I can be an encouragement, not just someone who has to pour it all out. Don't know what else to say.

BV and KiwiJ,

The alcohol thing is such a temptation right now. I don't want it to become a habit.

believer,

you are so kind. Thank you for all your encouragement. You and Pepper and others are appreciated. Wish I could give real hugs right now. Could really use one.

Talk to you all later. I know I will be in a better frame of mind then. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pam

One last thought for today...(I think this is the most time I've spent on this board EVER!)
I collect quotes...and wanted to share this one with you...it seems to fit pretty well:

"Yet it is good to know about our terrible selves, not laud or criticize them, just acknowledge them. Then, out of this knowledge, we are better equipped to make a choice for beauty, kind consideration, and clear truth."

-Natanlie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

As I recall, Jesus neither lauded nor criticized the adulteress who was about to be stoned. He acknowledged her mistake, gave her a better choice, and sent her on her way. Funny, he never mentioned the OM!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Til next time,

J