We (Me & W) had our MC session last night. I told my W and the MCor that I had hijacked the second of two (who knows if there are just 2) email accounts that they (W & OM) used to carry on the EA. On the way home my W said that my hijack was just another way that I am controlling her life. She also said she thought she could trust me not to do something like that. I replied that she has been lying for over a year.

My W and the OM had been trying to figure out what happened to the account. So, I decided to offer my wife a token in her grieving process. I offered to email the OM (to keep NC in tact) just to let him know that I have the account.

I thought it would be a small act of grace to my W and the OM. However, last night before I went to bed, she told me she did not want me to confront the OM. She wants me to just send him the password.

1. Why would I EVER want him to have the password to an account with 1100+ intimate emails about their EA? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

2. If it were over, why would she want HIM to have them? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

3. If it were over, why would HE want to have them? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

4. Am I crazy? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

5. What would you do?

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: zippyTWM ]</small>

1. Why would I EVER want him to have the password to an account with 1100+ intimate emails about their EA?

He doesn't need it. His wife might though send her the password. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> or If you have access to 'em, just delete 'em.


2. If it were over, why would she want HIM to have them?

It could very well be over. The hold EA's have can be pretty strong. I'm sure at some point they exchanged "I'll always love you" and "I'll never forget you." This is probably just a continuation of that....chalk it up to the "fog"


3. If it were over, why would HE want to have them?

Same as above but I would add that this is him wanting to show her that if couldn't have her at least let him have the love that they exchanged. Probably a ploy to show how sensitive he is. Its a crock.


4. Am I crazy?

We are all crazy.


5. What would you do?

If you haven't already I would tell OMW and send her the password to the account. Those emails would come in handy as proof too. After I sent them to her I would delete them. You having access to them does you no good either really. They just piss you off, huh?

I wouldn't email the OM at all. This isn't an act of grace on your part. How about your wife writes a letter to him saying that this affair is over and she wishes to have ZERO contact with him, you read it and mail it.

God Bless,

Doug

Zippy,

I’m a FWW who was involved in an EA through e-mail. IMO I think your W’s request is a red flag... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> No, you’re not crazy… You have reason to feel upset and confused about you W’s request to send him the password… I would NOT send him the password or contact him at all if I were you. Both you and your W need to have NO CONTACT with OM. Have your W already send him a NC-letter signed by both of you?

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 08:12 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Of course you shouldn't send him the password. That's preposterous.

She should agree to NC no matter what the circumstances.

Tell your W that no one has the right to the privacy to destroy someone [you] behind their back. You have every right to snoop on her in order to protect yourself. And shame on her for putting you in that position!

Talk about Freudian, I typo-ed the topic as “Aiding and Abeding”. It’s fixed now, can I get the OM fixed too? Bawahahahahaha! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: zippyTWM ]</small>

It appears to me that she is placing her concern for the OM over your needs and the relationship’s needs. I have had a number of not so entirely dissimilar things happen with my wife. She remains emotionally attached to her former friends, one of which who aided multiple affairs and set up one affair and another who she had an affair with. For example, when she sent a no contact letter to one friend she sent it in a manner that tried not to hurt the friend’s feelings and blamed the no contact on me. There are other examples. Basically, when we have been contacted or she has contacted these former friends and lovers her concerns and thoughts appear to me to be based on not hurting this other person’s feelings or helping them out or whatever. For the BS to gain back our trust and confidence they need to show that they have no more concern for their former lovers and put our and the relationship’s interest first. To me it appears that your BS has not learned this and is still attached on an emotional level with her lover. She must make a choice and clear break.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by August1972:
<strong> It appears to me that she is placing her concern for the OM over your needs and the relationship’s needs.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately that seems to be a common response by WSs.