I have never felt such pain or hopelessness.

<small>[ July 16, 2004, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

It seems your W, in all her foggidity, has become

your own family's terrorist.

She plots destruction.

Priority numero uno...

protect yourself and other innocents from the terrorism that this affair represents.

A legal and financial separation, I believe is necessary for PROTECTION purposes.

Is this a part of your plan?

Pep

Saw Attny's they said there is no legal separations in FLorida.

How could ever file for a D with the wife I still love.

I feel like she is burying me. with a smile. What happened to my wife?

<small>[ July 16, 2004, 03:33 PM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

I am so sorry to hear this. I'll be praying for you. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

1Family,

I know what it feels like to see those logs. Sick doesn't beging to describe it.

FWIW, many of us have seen the same kinds of things in text messages, IM logs, emails. WS can be incredibly cruel.

Given that your WW is a huge financial risk, I think you should at least *consider* getting a D (and quickly) simply to protect yourself financially. You could write your W a modified Plan B letter, telling her that you still love her and have hope for reconciliation, but you are doing this to protect yourself financially.

Not sure how to time that properly, however. You don't want her thinking "Oh, Goodie! A D! He's given up and now I can run and play, guilt-free!" yet at the same time you don't want to send the letter and tip her off (so that she digs in her heels and takes everything she can get).

Talk to your lawyer, explain your objectives, and see what your options are.

WS can be *so* cruel, and such an opposite of who we M'd. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You must protect your kids. Get a good lawyer and find out how; immediately!

I agree - talk to a lawyer!

One thing you might want to check into - it is possible to put blocks on your credit record, and make it so that any time credit is requested in your name, you have to personally be contacted before the credit can be extended. This is usually done by people who have been victims of identity theft, but anyone can have those blocks put on their accounts. It may help at least somewhat in this case. Call the credit reporting agencies (I forget the names of them now - one used to be TRW, but I think that has changed) and ask about this. You will have to do it at all three of the agencies. Do a search on-line to find phone numbers of the agencies, or call your bank and tell them what you are trying to do, and they will be able to tell you who to contact.

Doing this will only put a block on your name - it won't keep her from getting credit in her own without your name on it. But it should help minimize the damage if nothing else. Also, talk to your lawyer. I would think that showing you were trying to keep any new credit from being extended would go a long way in proving that you shouldn't be responsible for anything she does after that in just her name. And maybe there is a way you can legally declare that you won't be reponsible for any debts she incurs as of now if your name is not on the debt too.

Get aggressive with this! If there is any chance in fixing the marriage, she will be grateful you protected all of you against her "fog," and if it turns out the marriage is not salvageable, it's going to be tough enough financially without the damage she can do in the meantime. I'll second the advice to get a divorce quickly if that's what it takes to protect yourself. You can always make it clear to her that you are doing it to protect yourself and the children, and that the door is still open to reconciliation if and when she regains her senses.

Originally posted by 1Family Man:
Saw Attny's they said there is no legal separations in FLorida. Only the D.

Then D it is.

This is marital terrorism.

Not to be tolerated.

She may come to her senses... but you cannot sacrifice the family financially on her whim.

Get movin'. (almost said get crackin' but, changed my mind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> )

This may knock enough fear into her and turn her around... but don't count on it.

Pep

I agree with Pep. You need to protect yourself and your kids.

Filing for D doesn't have to mean you can't reconcile at some later date should she come out of her fog. Maybe when she realizes you will not stand for any shenanigans from her she will come to her senses. You can still be loving, firm, and the stable one through all of this.

Do not let her take the kids out of state. You keep those kids and protect them from her. Do whatever you can, legally, to make sure they are protected.. I live in FL and know that we are a no-fault state. Someone else posted some good annotated information to you regarding that.

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

I've been reading your postings. Seems to me that you got yourself one big mess. If I want to be kind I would say she is confused--but I don't want to. She is at the point where she even looks at her owm children as a problem if she even looks at them at all. Looks like she is following her attorney's advise of not to leave the house etc. You say she used to go out but now she stays around the house. Almost like she is becoming a bit parnoid herself. You do need to get your financial things in order. Maybe take the day off work but not let her know and when she is gone you can get your papers together and proceed to protect yourself and your children. Everyone seems to be telling you this. You need to listen. This is only for your own good!!! Get yourself together and start with a plan. No matter what happens in the end this is important. This financial stuff alone could break a man let alone all the other things she is doing. You're in my prayers. Please listen to the postings.
She is no dummy about what she is doing. She has shown that she has no integrity or shame as far as I can see.

Why would you be 100% responsible for credit card debt that she racked up during the marriage? Could you subtract her credit card debt from any divorce settlement that is reached? Call the credit card companies and tell them what your wife is doing. Tell them that you will not be able to pay for her debt and watch all of her accounts get closed out asap. She has no job or income, so she she not be able to get additional credit without using your income as a basis for being granted credit. I think you need to see a more aggressive lawyer.

mfisher1967 might have an idea. From my experience banks and credit card companies really don't care about your marriage problems. However, maybe by telling them that you cannot pay them they may put a stop on them- especially if there is a balance on them. Once again this has to be done soon. Remember this is only being done as a safety thing. As far as a more agressive attorney is concerned-------they are only being honest. More agression means more money for them.
However that does not mean to lay down and die either. Even if you still love her you need to be the strong one and do the right thing even if she sees it as a threat. Sounds like the OM is encouraging her to leave. If they are discussing the money she is going to get from the D then money is an issue for him too!!!!!! Good luck.