A while back I left my h. While I was gone I had sex with another man. Me and H have been back together for awhile now, and we're trying to make things work, or atleast Im tryng to make things work. He says the only way for him to get over what I did is to either bring another woman into our room or to let him leave and "explore his options". Im afraid if I let him do either he'll leave me for good. That's not wat I want. I feel like the last few months of me trying is a waste. I love this man now more than I ever have. Im SO sorry for the pain Ive cause him. I just wish I knew a way to take away all the pain he's feeling now. Should I let him do one of the two, or should I just let him go? Im thinking that's what he's wanting anyway. HELP!

I'm not married, but my first reaction is that maybe you left your husband the first time for a good reason.

I would be crushed if someone I loved demanded either of those two things.

My opinion is DON'T agree to either, no way, no how!!!

But as far as where to go from here to make your marriage better, I'll let the married people respond.

Please go easy on yourself.

Weaver

OOPS, think I did something wrong and made this thread into a double ???

Originally posted by lonleyone:
A while back I left my h.

Why? What made you leave?

While I was gone I had sex with another man.

How long ago was this?

Me and H have been back together for awhile now, and we're trying to make things work, or atleast Im tryng to make things work.

How long have you been back together?

What are you doing DIFFERENTLY to make your marriage work?

He says the only way for him to get over what I did is to either bring another woman into our room or to let him leave and "explore his options".

And you said "No thank you. I want to be a married woman." .... right? Isn't that what you said?

Im afraid if I let him do either he'll leave me for good.

Then he should go. Hold the door open for him. If keeping him with you costs you your dignity and self-worth ... then tell him bye-bye.

That's not wat I want.

Then don't do it.

I feel like the last few months of me trying is a waste. I love this man now more than I ever have.

Why is that? Has he been a better husband these last few months? More loving? More understanding? More sensitive to your needs?

Im SO sorry for the pain Ive cause him. I just wish I knew a way to take away all the pain he's feeling now.

Again... why did you leave him the first time?

Is he abusive? Drug or drink? Porn? Gamble?

Why did you leave him?

Should I let him do one of the two, or should I just let him go? Im thinking that's what he's wanting anyway. HELP!

Tell him what kind of marriage you want. Tell him what you will not tolerate.

Then ask him if he thinks he fits into the marriage you have planned.

Good luck.

Pep

oops she has two threads going simultaneously....

let this one drop off.....

I answered why I left on the other topic, but Ill answe again here. I left because I didnt want my kids to grow up knowing or thinking its ok to hit your SO. I was also tired of all the mental and emotional abuse. Being called fat and nasty when I was carrying his child, even after. Seeing other women while with him and him saying " Why can't you look like that". It was about 3 months ago when I had sex with the OM, who is long since out of the picture. Me and H have been back together for about a month and a half, 2 months. I, myself am being more loving towards him. Ive gotten rid of everything he wanted me to that reminds him of all the bad stuff. Hes been talking about moving, and if that makes him happy, Im all for it. Ive been meeting his needs in more ways than one. He wants me to do something and I dont hesitate to do so. Ive told him time and time again that bringing another woman into our bedroom, or even him going out and having sex with another woman WONT make things better, only worse. I think hes even went so far as to tell me he read that it would make things better between us here or on another website. Hes been a bteer husband in the fact that he no longer hits me, he takes me out almost every weekend, he actually listens to me when something is bothering me, well sometimes he does. He says he loves me more now than he has in a long time. Ive told him what I will and wont tolerate, but it always leads back to the 3some or having sex with another woman.

I have NO clue as to how the topic got posted twice. Sometimes when I post a reply it does it twice as well. Never had this type of probs on other forums before.

Sorry to bump this up, but I wanting some other advise. Not saying the advice Ive already recieved wasnt good, I totally agree with what some of you said. Just want a few more people to give their 2 cents. Thanks again.