A while back I left my h. While I was gone I had sex with another man. Me and H have been back together for awhile now, and we're trying to make things work, or atleast Im tryng to make things work. He says the only way for him to get over what I did is to either bring another woman into our room or to let him leave and "explore his options". Im afraid if I let him do either he'll leave me for good. That's not wat I want. I feel like the last few months of me trying is a waste. I love this man now more than I ever have. Im SO sorry for the pain Ive cause him. I just wish I knew a way to take away all the pain he's feeling now. Should I let him do one of the two, or should I just let him go? Im thinking that's what he's wanting anyway. HELP!

What your husband is asking for will not fix a thing and will only bring more pain and confusion to the marriage...

no way should you consent to either...

just logically having sex with someone else will do nothing under the sun to fix the issues that go you two seperated in the first place...

what are the issues that ended up in you two seperating...
what work has been done on these

are you two in counseling..
is the person you cheated on with still in the picture..
is it someone your husband knows...

any children...
how long married...

what's your favorite color... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ARK

We ended up separating because I was sick of all the abuse. And I was also sick of my children seeing their daddy hurt their mommy. We have 3 kids together. He's changed in the fact that he isn't physically abusive anymore, but there's still the mental and emotional abuse. We went to counceling a few times, but I decided I ddint want to go anymore because I felt the councelor was taking his side. The OM is NO longer in the picture. H didnt know the OM. It was a guy I used to work with. Im no longer working as H wanted me to quit, with good reason. Im to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like Im the only one trying to make this marriage work.

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: lonleyone ]</small>

We ended up separating because I was sick of all the abuse. And I was also sick of my children seeing their daddy hurt their mommy. We have 3 kids together. He's changed in the fact that he isn't physically abusive anymore, but there's still the mental and emotional abuse. We went to counceling a few times, but I decided I ddint want to go anymore because I felt the councelor was taking his side. The OM is NO longer in the picture. H didnt know the OM. It was a guy I used to work with. Im no longer working as H wanted me to quit, with good reason. Im to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like Im the only one trying to make this marriage work.

Hi lonely one,

Emotional Abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. He had no reason to make you quit your job. I understand why you did it. His request is unreasonable. I am in a similar situation and know of a girl in a similar situation. I cheated while husband was in prison. It was wrong. I felt sick the second after it happened. He came home. I confessed. He went behind my back and got me back. Well it all came out. Now I am dealing with obssesive other woman, other child. I used a condom. He didn't so he also put my health at risk. The girl I know who has similar situation works with me. She cheated while her husband was in prison. She confessed. Her husband went out and got her back. But the fact that he got her back is not enough. He constantly throws it up in her face what she did even though he got her back. So evening the score is not the answer.

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 03:39 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>