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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55 |
My wife has not told her Mom, nor her brother or sister in-law, that we are having marital problems, and that she had an affair. I've informed my family, seeking support, and its been helpful. They have encouraged me to reconcile rather than divorce.
Her brother is coming for a visit to help her Mom relocate to a lower cost place. It is critical she gets support. In the past, I have given significant support to her Mom. I thought about informing Mom about the troubles, but my wife said it would kill her. She is old, 76 years old, and on various medications.
She wants me to continue as if nothing has happened. This would include various dinners and meetings.
I could make hell for her now if I revealed the truth. Something similar to the hell I have lived since she told me of her affair with another man for which she as shown no repentance, blaming the whole affair on me and my lack of attention to her.
What should I do?
Should I go along with the charade or flame?
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,119
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,119 |
Depends.
If you want to lose any ground you have gained and cruelly burn your bridges behind you, go for it.
Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.
Maybe if you work on acting like you are totally in love with her around them, it will actually help your relationship.
Sometimes when we pretend, it can become a reality, and be reciprocated.
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 208
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 208 |
buddy, I know your situation. There have been times when the pain has been so unreal that a scenario like that would be so tempting. But, it serves no purpose except to make you feel better and avenged. Trust me, it would feel great to spread the pain around like peanut butter. It seems awefully unfair to have to deal with about 89% of it alone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Hang in there buddy. You need to love on her bigtime while her fam is in town. Be there for her and she may surprise you. She knows that you could "kill" her with that info, but if she sees you doing the opposite she may just come around.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
shocked, if she has ended the affair, there is absolutely no reason to tell her folks. To tell them would only cause harm with no benefit for anyone.
Telling them won't help her feel remorse either, it will only infuriate her.
Now, if she is still in touch with the OP,I would tell them for sure!
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