H just came home for lunch and packed somethings so he can leave "for a while". I can't express how Im feeling right now. I'm scared to death because I don't even have a job, haven't for the past 2 months. How am I supposed to support myself and my kids? He says he'll give me his checks every week, but I doubt very seriously he will. He promised me before he even came back home that he'd help me find another job and a sitter for the kids. I had a job lined up working 40 hrs a week, thought I had a sitter and didn't. He told me he'd help me find one and did NOTHING. He gave me 150 a week to pay bills and get stuff me and the kids needed, but 150 a week with myself and 3 kids just didnt cut it. I remember writing checks for all my bills one month, then balancing it afterwards and only having 9 dollars after all my checks cleared. I cried like a baby. Called him at work and told him that I hoped he was happy. He told me that I should've thought about all this before I left, I was getting what I deserved. His family looked down on me for leaving, as when I left I didn't take the kids because he could support them better financially. Now I wonder what they'll think or say when they find out he's left me with NO job. What am I supposed to do? He tells me he'll come back, but deep down inside I know he won't. And I've expressed that concern to him. He doesn't care, he's only thinking of himself. Tells me before he leaves, if you let me come back and have sex with you every night while I'm gone, I won't go out and do it with anyone else. He's a cake man. He wants his cake so he can eat it too. I just can't believe he'd leave before Father's Day. I'm so scared and confused right now. Any advice or comments is welcome.

Put on a strong face for your kids. They are your primary concern and should be your primary focus. How you handle yourself in this situation will dictate/play into the type of people they will become. If you want them to be independent...then show them that characteristic in your behavior.

Better see a lawyer and get separation papers drawn up and child support. In California, you can go to the courthouse, and they will show you how to do the papers yourself.

You need some legal protection.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm scared to death because I don't even have a job, haven't for the past 2 months. How am I supposed to support myself and my kids? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk to a lawyer. A judge may set up temporary support (pedente lite) depending on the laws in your state. This doesn't mean you necessarily have to get divorced; you can put a stop to it at any time, but your kids have to come first. Kind of hard to work on a marriage when you can't pay the bills or eat.

lonelyone,

It would be helpful if you'd create a signature showing your age, your H's age, how long married, how old the three kids are, and that you've suffered physical abuse at his hands, you had an A (when, and duration?) etc. That helps people get a quick "full picture" more or less, so they can respond more appropriately to your posts.

Your despair comes through in your post. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Fortunately you have found a great place to come for support, encouragement, and blunt (sometimes painful but always offered in love) honesty.

You can't control your H so don't waste time thinking about what he SAID he'd do or what he SHOULD have done.

What have YOU done to line up a sitter?
How old are your children?
Is that job still available to you when you do find a sitter?
Do you have relatives in the area?
Could you keep kids in your house to make ends meet?
Whose name is on the loans/bills?

While it's true that he should not hit you nor abuse you verbally and emotionally, you dealt with the situation poorly by going out and having an A. He is extremely hurt right now and that's why he says things like "you should've thought about all this before you left". Try to hear the pain behind his anger; it will help you empathize with him.

It does sound, in your other threads, like you are trying to improve your M. Do you want to be M to this man? Or are you simply afraid of the financial repercussions? Either answer is completely acceptable, mind you - I'm just trying to understand where YOU want this to go.

I honestly and truely want to stay married. If I didn't I wouldn't have bent over backwards to try and keep my M together. Like Ive said in previous posts, Ive totally met his needs. Done everything in my power to keep and make him happy. I know going out and having an affair was wrong. I hear the pain behind the anger everyday. I try to reassure him that it won't happen again. Being able to financially support me and my kids if and when we do get a D isn't why Im staying in my M. My kids need a father. H grew up without his biological father. His father hit his mom like he did me. I have a sitter lined up for when I finally do get a job. I just need to find one. He promised me hed help get me on my feet financially before he left. Promised Id have a job before he left. The other job I had is long since gone. I was terminated because I had NO sitter. I have relatives in the area, but they all have jobs and wouldn't be able to help with the kids unless it was on a weekend. Him on the other hand, he has his mom and sister who dont work, but they arent willing to help. His mom went so far as to say she wasn't going to do anything to help me. She doesn't even want us together. Noone in his family does. I don't think I ould be able to keep the house even if I did get a job, unless it was one that paid ALOT moer than 7 or 8 bucks an hour. His name is on all utility bills. Both our names are on the mortage payment.