Good lord, I've read some of the members here have had emotional and or physical affairs after they found out that their spouse cheated on them. Their motivations was purely hurt, pain, anger....which can be rationalized... but I cannot imagine being a Wayward Spouse.. How can I get to the point where I want to deceive my spouse? WHY?... I know I've read many posts and read this whole site.. but I am wonder... HOW CAN BS...how can we (without cheating..or going the other way) really see the WS point of view???

I'd like to know ..... I'd like to feel what my husband felt.. I'd like to still be in love with him and making love to another man... I'd like to lie over and over to him....about what I am doing.

Why can't I have an Emotional Affair of my own? I want to be selfish.. why can't I inflict all that pain...????? It's not like I haven't had the opportunity....I'm wondering why I can't do it.

I'd like to understand the WS!!!!

H,
Glad to see you back!

DON'T DO IT.

Its not worth it. The reason you feel unable to do it is because you are a wonderful woman who loves her husband and ultimately doesnt want to throw her marriage away.

Sending lots of love xxx

ha K!

and there is big "LOSER" sign written on my forehead... but oh well.... (just like me to say ) I don't have a passive aggressive personality, but it seems more and more I am becoming like that.. and that's not good...

hey K... I'm going to SPAIN! ha ha... all the fights we were having yesterday was for nothing .... about going back to school.. my husband left his wallet and all his papers at his parents' house.. and he doesn't even have his driver's license with him..which means even if I had to go.. I couldn't go.. How would we pay for my ticket? It's like fate plays such dumb part of my life.. Even if I changed my mind I couldn't goo.. I spent 5 hours looking for his wallet..

I found a University though.. based in the US.. that I can attend online and they can deliver my degree <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .... but I have to see how I like it though.. so I am going to start with 6 credits.

but going back to the WS...Did you ever get to the point where you do not care.. and say "what the heck? I'll just share him...."

sad thing is I have.. and you know.. I even though about sharing with other guys.. would even the score.. you know.. I wish my husband wouldn't have lied.. if he didn't lie and told me "honey, I want to have sex with someone else.." I feel like I would have said "well ok.. go head"

Am I losing it?

The university thing sounds like a great idea.

I am going to Spain for my honeymoon! MIL2B also lives in Spain. I love it there.

You'll be fine. Just one of those days when we have these irrational thoughts.

I hope you are ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Harudah,
I know what you mean! I thought about it and came up with a few guidelines "how to make yourself vulnerable to have an A".
- be convinced that your partner doesn't love you anymore (for whatever reason you can imagine)
- be convinced that your partner doesn't like or want to have sex with you because you're not attractive to him/her anymore (for whatever reason you can imagine)
- don't talk about this with your partner because you think that wouldn't help anyway
- feel sorry for yourself for all the reasons mentioned above
- when you're with someone else of the opposite sex that you feel comfortable around, share your problems, feel flattered when he/she pays you attention or even comes on to you
- when push comes to shove.. convince yourself that everything will be OK as long as you "don't tell"
- firmly believe the A will NEVER be revealed - how could it? you're not telling so no problemo... nobody gets hurt and hell, you might even be a better partner now because you feel better about yourself with all the attention you're getting from the OP !
etc. etc.

In all, it's just too much work for me and too many problems, so I'm just going to stick to who I am, a faithful loving wife.
I think you are very much the same, Harudah. I hope your H realises he's very lucky to have a such a wife.

Excellent, brownhair!!
Hit the nail on the head.
Harudahs H is indeed a very lucky man.

Oh wow.. I like this formula!!!!.. only if I was smart enough to follow it.. I meant "DUMB" enough to follow all that. I don't have the patience. Now, my reasoning for not doing all that is I do not like pity parties!
I feel like if I'm going to have an affair, I am not going to lie.. so it isn't an affair... its not going to be as much FUN so why do it? lol.. the fun of an affair...is the THRILL!! I mean the thrill of sneaking around, lying, and having sneaky sex....like when your parents were out of town and letting boys inside the house.. (I've never done it..so I haven't been trained for affairs yet) lol...

Yeah the big "LOSER" sign.....I've had sex with one guy and i want it to remain like that... unless my husband really screw up this time.

Yeah last night I started my questioning again.. talking whenever something is bugging me.. it feels good. I know I am not really letting go of the A...but I think by talking about it is helping me to let go of it..even when it goes back.
my H says.. "I made mistake that will hunt me for the rest of my life. You will never forget, and you will never heal."
I said "healing is when i can live with it, and I am living with it."

oh well.. where are the WS???? I want the rest of the formula to an affair although brown gave such a good one..
now all I have to do is follow y=by+a/2c

my sarcastic self is back again

harudah - You will heal. You are going through the pain and the questioning. That is good. As you read all these stories about how wonderful partners turned into lying, cheating partners, you will start taking it less personally. Soon you will realize that they just were temporarily insane.

Hi. I hate to be the only WS to respond. I might likely ( and deserve it) get crucified. But I wanted you to know a WS was reading.

I am truly sorry for your pain. An A is selfish. Pure and simple. I did not think it would be found out, but I got so tormented and convicted, I had to tell. Then it took me forever to break it off.

I had only been with my husband too. I always saw that as extremely special. Never imagined doing what I did. The OM was my trainer. Had "normal" relationship for months. He knew I was not an overly self-confident person. My H was on his way home from overseas, and he made his move. He actually told me later (when I said please go pick on someone else) that he knew I would not be able to do "it" when my H had come home. Yuck. I was very attatched to all the attention and friendship by then. I am not making excuses, but my self-esteem screamed out for this guy's approval. I have seen all this now, and I feel like dirt for it. I am terribly ashamed for the pain I have caused.

You do not have an affair because you seem to have a very strong sense of yourself. Maybe a lot of other things go into it. I don't know. I still don't understand. I was ALWAYS the one that looked down on people that have an A, especially the OW of a MM. I have been very humbled.

I have good friends. When I confessed, I did not get much mercy. I think they thought an alien had taken Pam from them. They did help, by not condoning my choices or feelings, to get me out of my own trap.

I am rambling. Sorry. I don't know what to tell you except I escaped. I took an easy way out. He pursued me in a very sneaky way, but when I realized it, I still chose to go with it. I want to do what it takes now, with God's help, to fix what was missing in me that made me make such a very selfish choice.

My H, like you, would probably NEVER do a thing like this. That is what has hurt him so badly. We both had hard times in our marriage. He had opportunity but never chose an A.

Blessings and hang in there.
Hope I have not made it worse. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />