LO -
Your H is clearly unable to show you a real sense of what love is. I'm sure he is loving you the best he knows how, but it is not healthy, nor safe.

Honey, it isn't the right way. His abuse, is just that abuse. Your poor children, having to live like this, and you, you poor thing.

I'm sure you do think bad of yourself, when the one who is suppose to love you the most and be your biggest fan is putting you down all the time, anybody would avoid the mirrors.

Your H is a miserable man, by putting you down, this some how makes him feel better. He wants you to be insecure he wants to de-value you. He has a pattern of this and by you staying you are allowing it.

I'm going to suggest you seek professional help and help from others who are abused to this degree. I'm scared for you, even if he physically doesn't harm you anymore, the verbal abuse has to stop as well.

I'm sure there are discussion forums for battered and abused spouses. I sense you are in immediate danger of him. Him saying he could have killed you, OMG.

You are worth more than this kind of treatment that this man has to offer you right now. You are made in God's imagine and that alone makes you worth more.

I wish I knew you more personally because I'm guessing you could really use an ego boost right about now.

You are worth more!!!!!!!!!!!!

MB love -KY

Let me just take the time to say a HUGE Thank You to all who have given advice thus far. Im astonished by the sopport there is here, even for the WS.

I remember being TERRIFIED to even post my story here because I was afraid Id be banished to the Gods, and talked badly to because I had an A while separated from H, but still legally married. Now Im glad I have. You guys have NO IDEA how much your words of encouragement have helped me. Made me feel a little better of myself as a person. Before I was afraid to call a doctor and admit that I was depressed and needed meds. Ive always felt like a failure most of my life, especially in my marriage and sometimes in how I care for my children. Now I KNOW I need to get on anti-depressents to help even me out and for me to be able to better deal with what's going on in my M. I almost dont want to though. I dont want to be understanding to my H or OW if and when he decides to leave so he can get revenge. Last night I kept going over stuff in my head that I was going to do as soon as H leaves. I laid in bed with my arm around him this morning and visualized something I hated myself doing. I wont go into what it was, but it wasnt pretty. I dont want to be sympathetic to the OW when I confront her about it. Even though I had an A, that doesnt mean I still dont have a heart even for people who do me wrong.

I think if this girl were to break down on the phone with me and cry telling me how sorry she was Id be the one to tell her it wasnt her fault my H got her hook line and sinker. I know later on Id be beating myself up for being so nice to her when she did something horrible to me.

I NEED to get off my [censored] and get a job. I dont want to be the woman who sits around and waits and hopes that her H will come back to me. I know in my heart now if he does go out and have an A that he wont ever come back to me and the kids. he knows I feel this way and he doesnt care. Ok I didnt come here to post anything bad. I really meant for this to be a good post, and to let you all know youve helped me a little. Ill stop here before I totally ruin this post. Thanks again, from the bottom of my heart. Ill keep you guys posted.

You need to get on the anti-D's. You might not want to, but they will really help you.

Lonelyone,

Listen to Believer. I got on Lexapro, and it was one of the best things I ever did. It calms me and really helps me to stay focused. And you know what else?... I don't care as much anymore about things that don't really matter. NO fear.

Keep reading here, you'll get a really good idea of what the "high road" is and that will make all the difference in the world.

Weav

Thanks again for all the words of encouragement.

I was wondering, if and when H leaves, would I be wasting my time trying to get all the info I can? Would I be wasting my time if I hire a private investigator, or would that make me a hipocrit?

H told me last night if I am indeed pregnant hed tell the OW its not his kid. That hurt me SO bad. Then today hed know more that this baby, if i am pregnant, is his than the other 3. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Did you call the doctoe today? Do you have an appointment?

These problems are serious and you need to get help. Please let us know.

Oh, by the way, I would advise you to NOT have any physical relations with your H while he is threatening to sleep with other women. You need to be protected from STD's and protect the unborn baby.

I asked earlier if you have any family to go to, I am still wondering and feel that you need to be in a safe place.