I haven't posted in a while mostly I just read. it has been 7 months and seems like such a lifetime.WH seems free as can be very happy to the point where no one sees him not even his family (whom he was really close to) he pretty much keeps to himself and his 18 yr old OW.he abandoned everyone including our 3 yr old son,which he hasn't seen or spoken to in 3 months . WH makes no effort to speak to him at all.

It has been about a 1 month into plan B strict plan B (very hard)
and I haven't heard from him, how long does it last til they atleast bounce somewhat back to reality for the sake of our son? I realize with plan B I may never get a reaction from him and if that's how it's ment to be then so be it, but I still wonder after 14 yrs can he possibly still think about me? does he wonder where I am or how I'm doing?

Believer's Wh didn't contact her for 4 months. SOmeone's Plan B ran as long as 1 1/2 years. I know it is hard. Please stick to it. I may face the same thing very soon. Let's help each other out.

I may be in the same boat as well. Not sure if H is having an A, but I refuse to call him till he makes an attempt to call me. We'll stick together and keep each other strong. Keep your head up Destiny!

Why not post on the "Were in Plan B and Doing Fine" thread?

You WH is like all the rest, but Plan B should wake him up. Like lostnhurt said, mine stayed away for 4 months. I heard NOTHING. So don't give up now, Plan B is what usually brings them back.

I am here from this point forward only to see if plan B really works or not. I have been breaking plan B every month so i have never given it a chance to work.

Whether WH comes back or not...Plan B worked for me because WH has no more hold on me emotionally.

Look at your last paragraph...you said
? I realize with plan B I may never get a reaction from him and if that's how it's ment to be then so be it, but I still wonder after 14 yrs can he possibly still think about me? does he wonder where I am or how I'm doing?

I USED to say those same thing when i started plan B. This is an indication you are still emotionally attached to WH.

When you do plan B as long as i did...you will start to detach emotionally from WH. It might not feel right at your point now but it sure is liberating at my end.

Keep dark and keep strong. All of us has been there before.

One last caution...DO NOT DO ANYTHING call him, talk to him, send him presents, email him or whatever until you get some feedback from here.

We can help you to divert your need to contact WH...maybe you can be the first successful non contact darkest and most strict plan Ber ever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I forgot to answer your question...YES they do think of us in plan B and they also miss us very much. I have asked my WH during my breaks and he admitted me this.

Just because WH did not contact you does not mean he does not miss you. Each WH has their own level of tolerance.

Your WH is going through a lot of turmoil inside him now. Guilt, shame and pride. Guilt for hurting you. Shame in himself for breaking everything he believe in. Pride...trying to show that his mistakes is not wrong.

To top all that, he remembers you and misses you very much which double up his pain.

Then you are going to ask me if he feels like this, how can he go on without contact you? It goes back to each individual...some can really tolerate it and some cant. And then it goes back again to the same 3 things...guilt, shame and pride. Its a sick sick cycle but poor WS have to get over it themselves. We can only help them so much.

You also need not think of them too much. Work on yourself.

Take care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Did you set up and define an intermediary with your plan b letter for contact with his son...

It really is two seperate issues...

his and yours...
and his abandonment of his child..
heart breaking and detrimental...

If you don't have an intermediary...I would suggest you set one up...
who can contact him....

have you pursued any legal issues regarding him and your son..
i think you should asap...seek counsel on this..

is he supporting you at all...
these are treachorous waters for sure...and you need to tighten up things on your end....

you need to attempt to establish safe contact with the child..
there are many risks without legal guidance...

exposure of child to OP
his "rght" to come and "get" his son....etc...

start with getting these things lined up..

ark

I was never a WH to an A. I am the FH to my W's EA. However, I was the WH to pornography. I can tell you that the physical/biological structure of a man's brain make it possible to focus on one and only one thing at a time. Not that a man can’t focus on more than one thing, it just takes a lot of energy to do so.

So while a man is focused on that one thing, he might not think of his family or W. The good news is that once the focus breaks and his thoughts go back to W and family, all the thoughts that have been "put on hold" come rushing back. Kinda like checking your email after a month and seeing 200+ emails. Hang in there and remember "Women are weird and Men are a mess"!

It's been a little while since I was able to read everyones response THANK YOU, and I will continue my strict plan B.

I have to admit this was one hard weekend I thought WH would contact me to speak to DS but it didn't happen,I guess I'm sort of relieved in a way but I did see WH this weekend whike stopped at an intersection how hard was it to just ignore like he was just a stranger( his 18 yr old OW and her teenage friends were all in the car,how can this 34 yr old man not be ashamed hanging around teenagers? WH did notice me in the car because I looked in the rear view mirror and he was looking.

ARK,
as far as WH being financially responsible for our son no he is not at all. my son has been with my parents for 3 months out of state,all due to my WH not thinking what he was doing to his family. I had to move out my apartment I could not afford it so I am now living in a rented room, so I could not have my son living in a room. all this is tempory until my company relocates and I'm out of a job somewhere in SEPT.
then I will be moving to FL with my son.
I tried going through the system for child support but I have to have my son with me and since I don't I really can't do much. I figure if I have to do it all on my own then I will my son will know who was their for him.I guess his OW'S child is more important then his..

Zizzycool,
Seems like our WH like much younger women
me(29) WH (34) OW (18) HER KID (2)
OUR SON (3 1/2)

WH living with OW since Jan 4 ...