OK. Plan B almost over. WS wants to come back. However, I really don't want him right back in my bed just because he made the decision and agreed to NC. It's really not over yet, but know in my heart it is soon. Just trying to plan next steps in advance.

I think this is against MB thinking, but is it really necessary to take WH right back and have him go throught withdrawals here at home? WS moved into his own place six months ago, so the thought of him moving from her bed to mine doesn't sit very well (especially during those withdrawals that I have read about). I would rather he stay at his place while we work things out and while he goes through withdrawals from her.

Is this against MB principals? Do I need to take him back right away? My IC suggested that we go to counseling for a while while he is alone and that we get "re-acquainted," especially since SF was a big deal prior to A. She said I may need to do this so that I don't build up resentment towards him (i.e., me protecting him during w/ds from OW).

On the other hand, I don't want him to feel that he has been tricked, since the PBL stated that I would take him back if he ended A.

Any advice appreciated!!!

FE,

Chere it's YOUR Plan B...and you get to make the conditions for reconciliation. If you would like him to demonstrate consistently over a period of time that he can maintain no contact, and go MC or whatever else you think is prudent before he comes home...then do so. If you aren't comfortable with him moving back home yet....fine....just make SURE that your intention is to protect and not punish. Examine your motives. If you wan't to be protected from having to witness withdrawal...that's okay. But you DO realize of course it will make NC probably harder than if he had some companionship right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Star*Fish:

I certainly don't want to punish WH and I would like to be there for "companionship" while he goes through withdrawal, but I'm afraid that I would be setting myself (and us) up for failure. SF was a problem before A, so I dont' see how I could compete with OW in this area. I would like to go about this slowly--for my sake.

Besides, I don't really think that WH has thought this through. He actually is very excited to come back--as if all will be well once he has comes back home!!! On some level he knows about the work ahead of us, but I think he hasn't been alone long enough to think of all the pain that he has put me and kids through. And when he finally does, there will be fall out.

When I told my IC that I would like to be there to "protect" WS from OW, she said "that seems very nice and you should let WS know this--but won't it make you very resentful? And isn't this really his problem to solve?"

So I'm torn--take him back right away with not so good SF history or try to work on that before he moves back in. I think that whole idea of "dating" sounds a bit fascinating myself (Can you tell that I was the one with the SF problem?).

FE

Well, inquiring minds want to know. What was the SF problem?

Has he written a NC letter? That is critical. Then you need to spend some time with him, figuring out what went wrong and deciding how to work on those problems.