I recently cheated on my husband of 10 years. It was stupid and I regret every minute of it. I am still searching for the reasons why I did it because prior to my infidelity I thought I was happy in my marriage.

Through this whole process, I have realized how much I love my husband and want to be with him. In a strange way, it has lit a new spark in me for him that hasn't been there for a while.

I want so badly to make our marriage work, but I just don't know what to do. He is so mad and looks at me with contempt every day. To compound matters, we own a business together and have to work together every day.

Although we have made an appointment to see a marriage counselor, I somehow feel that he thinks it is wasted energy.

I wish I could turn back time, because I truly do love my husband deeply. I got cought up in a lustful moment with someone else and wish I could take it back every day. Knowing the pain I have caused my husband is ripping me apart.

I have always planned on spending the rest of my life with him and I still want to. I just don't know if he will ever get passed this.

Does anyone have any advise? I feel so alone. I live in a small town and I can't talk to anyone or it will become a source of huge gossip. I just couldn't deal with that.

Welcome marriage builders. It is a great place to be. Read all the information here, and keep posting. We have several women here in your position. Check out the posts of runaway pot, kiwi, finally learning, and others.

B, welcome. The pain you have caused your H will be there for quite sometime, and your internal agony, well I feel like mine will never go away.

I'm a FWW as well. My H has forgiven me, almost instantly he did, we obviously still have issues because of the A, but mostly on my part.

I too thought I was completely happy in my M. I didn't realize until I was deep in my A how unhappy I had been. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I would take it all back as well, it is a dark place to be in, the guilt and the shame could eat me alive.

For your H sake, have no contact, read up on MB. Good luck to you, may God bless you.

Stick by your H, give him love and security.
KY-4

Hi B,

Welcome to MB!

I do hope that you ment what you said about realizing how important your M is with your H.

It's going to take your H a long, long, time to feel the same way. Right now, he is in more pain than you'll ever know. I know this sounds harsh, but I don't say this in a mean-spirited way... Only to say that it's going to take lots of hard work by BOTH of you to rebuild your M.

Hopefully, your H will give you the opportunity to earn his trust again. Please know that he may NOT give you this opportunity.

The best thing that you can do for him is to SHOW him that you are trusworthy... be willing to answer any questions that he has... without hiding any key issues.

A word of caution, if he asks for any "gory" details, let him know that you are WILLING to answer his questions, but that the answers will be very painfull for him... and ask him if he really wants to hear the answer... If he does, then tell him as openly and honestly as you can... He'll most likley get very angry, but if he does, it's HIS responsibility to deal with his anger.

Tell your H that you are proud of him for being willing to go to MC with you... but PLEASE don't tell him that you think that HE thinks that it's a waste of time... BS are especially tender this early on in the rebuilding process and when the WS starts telling them what they think or feel, then it usually ends up making them even more angry.

It is possible to rebuild your M after an A... or in my case, even multiple A's.... But it isn't easy. Time alone won't do it. Reading books won't do it... Both you and your H must commit to rebuilding your M and be willing to work very hard at it for a long, long, time... but it can be done.

Please keep posting here and let us know how you're doing...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

B-

I agree with Rebuilding- this is a tender time for your H. I am a betrayed H 6 months after DDay.My W has shown remorse, been open in MC and has paid all her attention to our family since then. She has been working hard to regain my trust and does not question me when I do something that suggests the trust is not 100% yet. It may never be.

Since you love your H, show him that. Do not be put back though if he doesn't reciprocate for a while. It took me 2 months to start feeling better and only after that could I start appreciating her again. It takes time and a willingness on your part to accept that the process will be slow, and painful. Your role is crucial.

Regards