I have decided that I do not want to divorce my wife. Sticking this A out is very hard for me. But I feel like if I just divorce her I will always wonder what would have happened if I had stuck it out. Well anyway I sent her TXM telling her that I had stopped D and bankruptcy. She asked why and I told her that it just doesn't feel right and my love for her is to strong. This her reply "Why don't we just get things over with, because nothing has changed in the way I feel about OP and it won't". I didn't respond to this but aked her if she has been unhappy since day one or just the last year or so. She replied with "just the last year". I asked her if it was because of not having kids (we were working on this). She replied with "i'm not getting into it right now, have to get up early in the morning". And that was it. Seems she has only been unhappy since OP came into the picture. Anyway is her reply to all this normal? Is this what she really feels? Or is this just FOG talk? I mean if this is how she feels and it isn't going to change then why stick around? I have been doing a really good Plan A (had one blow up). I am trying not to take what she says personally but it is so hard not to. Any suggestions? She has been living with OP for 2 months now. And lately she seems a little more willing to talk about some things, not much just a little.

What the ?

Fog talk, been there thought that!!! I truly believe a good plan A will salvage almost any M after an A.

We WS are cake eaters, yes, she does maybe think all that, she will never feel differently about OP, but she will. It is a choice she can make.

You can help her choose you, by doing a good plan A. I was lost in the fog, my H pulled me out of it. There are still some clouds, we work through them.

It is very typical what she is saying, do your best.

KY-4

This is all fog talk. As you read here you will see the same thing over and over. You will be glad you gave it your all, no matter how things come out.

Thanks for the replies. I am not going to make any contact with her for now, I am going to just let her do whatever she is doing. Haveing no job now will give her alot of time to think about what she is doing. Ecspecially when OP goes back on the road for 2 weeks. Maybe this will help her figure out her emotions. She needs to do this on her own without any interference from me. She knows that I am here for her, but I will not let her walk all over me. Time will tell. After all time is on my side. I just have to keep positive and work on myself. Patience, Patience.

And what are you doing to work on yourself?

What I have been doing is alot of exercise, going out with friends and learning to just have fun. I have done alot of soul searching the last few months. I realize that I was not showing my WW very much affection or attention. I seemed to just ignore her alot. I guess I just took her for granted. My WW is not very communitive. I was the one always trying to communicate, and I think I just gave up and felt that this is the way it is. I was wrong. I hope someday to show WW what I have learned. I have been doing my best with this but there is very little contact with her. I am not sure that I am doing every thing right. That is why I am glad that this board is here. There is so much info to learn from.

whatthe, I think you are doing exactly the right thing and I would just keep on doing it. If he is a truck driver, he will be away from home alot and will not be able to meet her needs. That will make her lonely. Before long, conflict will enter the affair.

When that happens, she will hopefully start looking towards you. And as long as you are an attractive, welcoming alternative, she will have something to come home TO.

So hang in there and just do your job in Plan A; try to be as cheerful and attractive as you can when you are in contact with her. I would look for every opportunity to contact her. Have you told her that you are sorry you ignored her? Does she know that you realize what you did wrong and that things would be different in the future?

By the way, it is real common for the WS to say they are done with the marriage. But they are so confused and fogged out that they don't know what they want. That could change completely next week. Their moods are like the weather, ever changing. So don't take anything she says to heart!

Yes I have told her that I realize that I didn't pay as much attention to her as I should have. I also let her know that there are other things that I reconize now that need to change. That is one thing I realized while I was overseas. I didn't think our M was broken, but I saw areas on my side that I needed to change so that we could have a much better R. She has made the comment that she doesn't want me to change because of her. I told her that was not the case, but she doesn't believe me. The only thing I can do now is my best Plan A whenever I have the chance. Hopefully she will come to her senses before it is to late. In a way I am glad OP is a truck driver because he will not be able to met her EN's very much. Besides he is a player anyway. We moved to a different state 3 1/2 years ago and all of the friends she has made since then she has given up. So I hope that when the FOG starts to lift she will have the courage to come back to me. But she can be stubborn.

Well today WW called me (thats a first) and wanted to know if I still had her resume on the computer? I said I didn't know I'd have to look. She asked me if I would help her fix hers up. I said I would think about it. She of course was being real nice, probably because I have something she needs. But I am wondering if I should tell her that I don't have it anymore. I kind of just want her to figure things out on her own without any help from me. She says she needs to find a job right away. OP is already asking where she is going to get the rent money. Sounds like trouble is starting to brew. (yahoooo) I don't want to be mean to her, but I don't want to help her either. I think the more she falls on her face the better. My thinking today is a little screwed up. If I tell her I don't have it would I be Lbing to much? I'm not sure if their is a right or wrong answer to this. She of course didn't say anything about us or the big D. Any input from you all would be great.