I need a reminder why I should fight for this M.
FWH is an [censored]. I don't even know if I like him half the time. He is self-centered and selfish. He blames me for causing him to have the A. He acts like I should be so thankful that he is giving me another chance. He has even said to me that I know what a catch I have in him. What a catch huh?? A guy that would betray me and hurt me in the most awful way!!

Our M was not good before the A. We had a lot of issues that should of been addressed. I have recognized my mistakes in the past and have tried to deal with them and make ammends. I have apologized and worked on showing H that I have made the changes needed. Yet H still will throw the past in my face. But heaven forbid I mention the B---- and the A.

H on the other hand has never really gave a heart felt apology. He has not shown remorse. In fact I think he still may be "in love"(puke,puke) with OW. He doesn't even seem to recognize the pain that he has put me through. He not even receptive in helping me deal with my pain and issues that I am facing. Everything is always about him. H refuses to see a MC. Says our IC messed us up enough. i'm afraid to bring up discussions because he immediately seems to become defensive and an a$$. He hates when I cry and he doesn't realize that I am crying all the time inside. I'm tired of meeting his needs while mine are being ignored. If I chose not to do something for him, he acts like I haven't changed and why should we try. I am also so tired to hearing negetative things about our M (how it will never work or if I'm so unhappy let's get a D, or he will imply things like what we will get in a D settlement or his next home)

We are supposed to be in recovery working on our M. I feel so insecure and H doesn't do a damn thing to help. In fact I think he purposely does things (like not calling when he will be late) to make me wonder. I don't know if he likes me chasing him or what, but it is getting old.

Sometimes I wonder why I put up with this $hit. I am intelligent, pretty, and well liked. I deserve to have a man recognize me. I am so tired of giving without receiving. I have fought so hard, but now I feel ready to quit. I don't think my H cares to be the kind of person that I need. I'm not talking about changing him, just the way he treats me.

Sorry I just needed to vent. It is so hard, because "outside friends" off the MB just don't understand because they have never been in this situation. They see it as dump him and move on. It's so hard because I find I have no one to talk to. If anyone knew what my life was like and the rollarcoaster ride I am on, they would hate him and tell me to move on.

I am sorry it is so rough right now, CoolDuck.

CoolDuck, hang in there. I don't know how long you've been together, or kids etc. But regardless there is a reason you married this man and you need to think loooooooong and hard before you give up. You will never look back and say I wish I didn't try so hard. So for the time being do this Sh#t for you. Know that you did EVERYTHING to save you marriage. Maybe a miracle will happen and maybe not. But there is absolutely no doubt that it is worth the chance. I know this period sucks but it does get better.

Why put up with it? Hmmmm, good question.

Maybe cuz a lot of us would give our left arm to have a chance a rebuilding a marriage from the inside.

Maybe cuz you married for a reason. A reason that’s hard to recall sometimes, but a reason that made you commit to God to spend your life with this other soul.

Maybe cuz kids, if you have any, deserve two parents.

Maybe cuz an irreversible life decision shouldn’t be made when feeling so bruised.

Maybe cuz you have to satisfy yourself in your golden years that you did everything possible.

Maybe cuz you posted here so we can help carry you through the tough slogging in the matrimonial trenches to fight another day.

Thanks for the responses. I know that for months all that I wanted was a chance to work on this M. It is just so hard when you feel like the battered beat up party yet you are the one constently giving. I am giving it the little extra for our DD, but I wish that he would.

I am just waiting for the day that I hear true remorse and regret. I need for him to recognize the pain that I have lived, so that I feel he won't do it to me again. I also want to see that he wants to change. He hasn't done much of anything. And I know that this hasn't all been me and without him making changes we don't stand a chance in hell.

I can't stand being me. I like a musical artist to find out that it was OW's favorite and they F---ed to it. Now I won't be able to listen to it again. I just want to be allowed to be me. I think I need to step back and find me yet again and if he doesn't like what he sees then maybe that tells me something.

Gee, I can feel your pain. What you need to do now is move on (in your mind) and decide the kind of life you want. Pick out things that make you happy and do them.

Then he can either join you (or not). The only one you can change is you.