WH just stopped by to drop off some tax papers that I need. He stayed for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. He chit chatted about nothing important. He asked if I was still losing weight and thought it was great that I was. He didn't seem very concerned when I said this wasn't good for the baby. And then he left. I didn't cry (at least while he was here), ask any questions, or do any LBing. So I guess that is an accomplishment. It just seems so hopeless and pointless. He's been gone a month and it seems like nothing has changed. At least when he first moved out he admitted that he missed me, but now I get no personal feelings or information.

I did stop by his mother's house earlier today where he is living and dropped off a father-to-be card (that I just signed with my name) and a framed sonogram picture. I guess he'll see that shortly when he gets home. I don't expect to get any response.

I just don't understand how you go from being married to barely being able to have a conversation in a matter of months.

Wednesday is our anniversary. Based on today's actions I don't expect it to even be acknowledged.

Kloe

The baby is not a reality to him yet, and it won't be until it is born. And I'm sure he doesn't know what to say to you. What can he say. He is commiting something totally despicable
(sp) in every one's eyes. An affair is bad enough, but when your wife is pregnant it is sickening. He is filled with guilt, so I'm sure thats why he isn't talking to you.

I hope you have a lot of support from his mom and your's, and everyone else.

When I went through this, all I could eat was yogurt and watermellon. I too lost weight, but I tried to eat and I always took vitamins.

Hang in there Kloe. It won't be long and this will all seem like a bad dream, the baby will take away your pain, and you will be filled with happiness when baby comes. I promise.

And your husband will probably come around then too, but you might not care so much about him then.

His Mom doesn't know about the A but when I went to see her today (she was in the hospital last week) she wanted to know what was wrong with him. I told her if she could figure it out, let me know. Even without knowing about the A she thinks what he is doing wrong.

I told WH he could go to the sonogram to determine the sex next month. We'll see if that has any effect, the last sonogram didn't. I wonder how he would feel if I told him he couldn't be at the delivery. He seems to look forward to the baby. He is planning on taking off when he/she is born and then he is going to take another 12 weeks off after I go back to work. I am curious to see how he will react once I start to show.

I'm just so lonely, sad and depressed. Family and friends have been great. But late at night it's just me. I don't remember what is was like to be happy or to at least not cry several times every day.

Earlier today when I stopped by to see his mother I dropped off a father-to-be card and a framed picture of the sonogram. He just sent me an e-mail thanking me for the card and picture. He said he put the picture next to his bed. He also said it was good to see me. I don't know why he would say that. I feel even worse now that I have seen him. I miss him so much, but when I see him, I miss him even more because he is just not there. We don't have any meaningful conversations, and not just about our M but about anything that is important in our lives. I miss having someone to talk to about the little things that happen everyday. Friends are good but they are not the same as a spouse.

Kloe, I've kept up with your posts and my heart continues to go out to you. I've tried to understand what might be in WH's head and I just don't get it other than he's just put his head in the sand and quit life for awhile. Aside from a stupid "swift kick in the a** oughta wake 'em up" type comment it seems to me he needs to be drawn out of his mental shell by a true professional in a one-on-one type situation. Perhaps a neutral 3rd party with a commanding physical presence and impeccable counseling credentials will help WH break free of his internal fog and begin to really understand his situation and his options. Your commitment is awe inspiring to doing the right thing. Keep us updated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You are doing a awesome job at plan A. Your H is responding with emails...build on it. Communication is a woman's strong point. Little notes/updates once in a while keeps you in his thoughts but don't pressure him.

Be strong and take care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Kloe,

The others are right. You are doing everything right. Plan A'ing and no pressure.

I let my daughters dad come to the delivery with me. I wanted him there even though he was seeing someone else. I still loved him and really wanted my baby to have a good dad.

He was the first to hold Paige, and he fell in love with her at that moment. Everything changed for him after that. He became more responsible, matured really. We became a lot closer after the delivery too. I know he respected me more after seeing what I went through. He held my hand for the entire 21 hours of labor. There was some rough times at first (he was flirting with a nurse and the doctor got mad and asked me if I wanted him to leave but I said no but I did ask if I could have a different nurse)

Like I said before babies have a funny way of bringing people together. I think you have everything to be optimistic about right now.

I remember how lonely I was too. December seems like a long time away but it will get here before you know it. I thought about you last night and I wish I had the words to give you to let you know that everything is going to work out for you.
You sound like you are emotionally a lot better off than I was when I was pregnant, I don't think I could have even posted to a forum.

I bet if you keep doing what you are doing your H will open up more and more. The email he sent is a good sign, in my opinion.

Hang in there!

I love her - I have tried to get him to go see someone but he won't. He keeps saying he is trying to find happiness but can't. I sent him an e-mail telling how he could find a therapist through his health plan. I didn't ask him to do it for our M but for himself, but he still won't go. It's frustrating because I know he needs it. He is definately not himself. The man I married couldn't inflict this much pain and suffering on me and not care.

kloe - He is not the man you married, remember that. It is like they get abducted by aliens. You are doing extremely well. Chances are good that he will be back, so time to take care of you, and baby.

I don't know what to make of this but...

WH just stopped by again tonight. He called after work to say he was going to come over and do the cat box (I can't do it because of the pregnancy). He does it once a week, and last did it the end of last week so it didn't have to be done now. He stayed for about an hour. I Plan A'd him the best I could. I was pleasant and cheerful, funny thing was for the first time in a long time I wasn't really faking it. I told him stories about what's been going on with me and my family. I also turned on the baseball game, which I know he would like. I also like baseball so no being fake or obvious there. He was very quiet, really only talked when I asked questions about work and stuff.

Tomorrow is our 3rd anniversary and when he was moving out we talked about going to dinner then. At the time I didn't think we would really have any contact during this time, but we e-mail or talk on the phone almost every day or at least every other day. So before he left, he asked if I still wanted to go to dinner tomorrow. I said that would be nice but it was up to him. He said he would call or e-mail me tomorrow. I really didn't think he would bring it up.

I don't know what to make of any of this. I don't know if these are positive steps towards saving our M or if he is just trying to be friends with me and has no intention of coming back to the M. Because of the baby this isn't a relationship that either of us could just walk away from and never speak to each other.

Any thoughts?

H seems to be very aware of the circumstances at times. This is an interesting twist.

I too am usually a very quiet, infrequent talker kind of guy. From my perspective & experience the best way to draw responses from this type person is to ask very specific, short-term focused questions and forego the open ended, "what do you think about all this" type questions. In other words ease off the big picture just a bit. He's obviously aware of these things by his responses, just unwilling to commit to anything until he's totally comfortable with it which seems to come at the last moment.

I still think anything that helps him break free of his shell will be helpful to him and you.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Take care!!

I agree with I love her.

I would also try not to think so much if I were. Don't focus on the outcome, just enjoy what you two are sharing now. He seems to be acting very considerate now, and it's not only because of the baby. And even if it were, so what. That is a wonderful place to start.

Thanks for the feedback. I am nervous about tonight, I don't want to get my hopes up because I can't handle another set back right now. I am finally starting to eat again after losing 18 lbs., which is not good when you are pregnant. I just miss him so much. At least I am at the point where I don't start to cry or lose it when I am around him so that helps. We'll see how it goes.