The beginning;
My wife told me to leave in late August 2003 so I did she said she wanted a divorce and then while I was packing she wanted me to stay I being Itailian and a hard head so I kept packing well I left Kansas and came back to ILLINOIS. In Nov. her son 16 yrs old past away I did not go to see him in the hospital I did not go to his funeral as I felt it would upset her even more than she was and (you would have to realy know her to understand this bond the two of them had it was almost insest they were very very close)so I sent a meat tray and bread some flowers my condolences then i stopped all communications with her. The other day I was on the computer and my exfather in laws sister was on we had dated briefly before my wife and I met anyways she told me that my wife wanted my address so I gave it to her after some conversation I asked why I think she wants to send you some divorce papers I says well that is great so let me make sure she gets my address I sent it to everyone of her friends down there so she would be sure to get it soon. Well she calls me and says she does not want a divorce she wants me in her life and back in Kansas. I said well I will come down next weekend as I have some business going on with the lawyers Monday and posibly Tuesday she said OK.Now she calls me on Sunday wanting to know if I can get the house that is ours out of foreclosure as she has not paid the mortgage and So I decided to ask the forum if she is trying to play me a fool or if she is truly wanting me back in her life? She is haveing a very hard time dealing with the death of her boy and this should be concidered in the decision of the folks that try to answer my question ....I thank you in advance JOE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Joe, welcome to MB!

Question for you...what do you think would be in your best interest?

My other thought is that she must be in an incredible amount of pain regarding her son. That's probably her most pressing issue - her grief.

Maybe out of love and compassion, you can be there for her as a friend; but at some point she has some explaining to do. I just can't imagine her being able to deal with your relationship issues and grieve the loss of her son at the same time.

Others will chime in and give you their thoughts as well. Read as much as you can on this site - starting with the general concepts section.

Do you love her?

My best interest is realy not that important I know she is hurting and I do want to try and help her I just don't like being used by anyone to turn around and stick it to me in the end .Yes she is grieving terribly but she is also wanting to die so she tells me I am not thinking of my self inthe relaitionship I told her to day that my coming back was not going to bring him back to she has to heal her self but I will be there for her if she wants me to be.

Maybe she NEEDS you, Joe? I think a woman who just lost her boy and is having terrible financial problems might NEED her husband to be there for her.

How did the boy die?

Why did she want the divorce earlier?

yes I do I just donot think she should use me or being that I do does that give her the right

He had (get this spelling now)Aplasticanemia I may be close to the spelling he had it since he was 5 yrs old so it was just a matter of time but like I said he bounced back so meny times before that he fulled everyone

She was upset for one reason or another and that she thought was going to upset me by saying it and she was under some presures and I was not aware of like running her son back and forth to the hospital she thought i should have gone and i guess i should have it wasn't like i was make alot of money in the business I had going and trying to get going a little better

How long have you been married, Joe? Are there other children?

I didn't see an answer to Melody's first question,,,do you love her?

we have been married for 3.5 yrs and yes I do love her she says she loves me but she also is the one that said leave and as I was packing quietly she was going to call the police and I said why I am leaving with out a problem now the kicker to my departure is well you will not beleave it but my sister and brother were both there as I left so they heard the hole thing....

Joe, can you please flesh this out and give us more information? I don't have a clear picture of what happened at all. What was your marriage like? Do you love her? Did you try to resolve the problems?

Joe...

for people to help you are gonna have to be more concrete on what is really going on...

My wife told me to leave in late August 2003 so I did she said she wanted a divorce and then while I was packing she wanted me to stay I being Itailian and a hard head so I kept packing well I left Kansas and came back to ILLINOIS.

why did you leave..what were the issues that were going on in the marriage...that made that she says that one time ...and you walked...out of the state..

how much contact while you were gone..
any filing of divorce proceedings...
her end your end...

so let me make sure she gets my address I sent it to everyone of her friends down there so she would be sure to get it soon.

why such behavior...why to all her friends....

Joe......
you sound very hurt...and she sounds very hurt...and it sounds like you have a ton of defensiveness...built up...

if you want to be married to her...then you two need to learn to be a team...not you against her...

you need to decide what YOU want..
and then work to create that environment on YOUR end...
inspite of her ...

yep it may be a risk...

what lead to the seperation I mean lets start somewhere...

ARK

Sounds like, regardless of the reasons that your wife has lost her husband and her child. She is grieving and needs you now.

This is not the time to be defensive or justified for whatever reasons.

If you love her and want your marriage to survive, which is the primary reason to be on Marriage Builders, then go to your wife and build the best marriage ever.

Have you read all of the info here on marriage, building, etc?

I had a lot of justification for anger in my marriage, but that did not make it right. Blended families can be difficult sometimes.

Could you provide more info? Did you have resentment because of your step-son's needs? What was going on?

Can you give us a clearer picture of what has happened? Thanks for your answers.

There are a lot of wise people here that can really help, not meaning me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LOL!

Take care and God Bless. More informtion please. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M