I have married for 8 years. I have been faitheful to my wife for that time. I have been having problems in our marrige the last two years. Soon after we married we agreed to that it was a good idea for me to start a bussiness, and I did. We worked very hard at it and now we are very succseful and well of finacialy. I made the mistake of focasing to much on my job and not enough time on my wife. I noticed we were having problems and suggested counseing several times in the last two years. Now she left me, and I still love her very much. I told her I wuold do any thing I cuold to save our marrige and work on our difrences. We had been going to counseling for the last 90 days and she has tried to end our marrige sevaral times and I have talked her out of it every time. Last night we were enjoying the fruits of our hard work. She told me to sit down we needed to talk, she confesed to having an affiar and a one night stand in the last year, the one night stand happened int the last six months two difrent guys. she was hoping for a rewaction from me to end the marrige i on the other hand controlled my self and told her that I understood that I had caused a great deal of pain and that she might have been lookig for some one else to take my place. I told her that I still wanted to wok things out. she siad she could not. I tried to reason with her but she would not have it. I finalliy gave up and handed her my wedding ring and i said ok. I told her that iloved her and wuold like for her to forgive me for not being the husband she needed. when we were saying our good byes.she told me she needed one more day to think about it. I am willing to forgive her for her infedelities and she is not willing to forgive me for not always understandig her. I dont really know what to think? If she does decide to come back How am i ever going to trust her when she has not aked for my forgivness. I dont know what to do .I am almost sure that this marrige is better of over. But i cant help that I still love her very much.......... since yesterday tomarrow came and she still does not want to comit to the relation ship I was wondering how long should I hang on.....I know she has alot emotional and psycological issues?

Cesar,
It all feels hopeless right now, and I know how you feel. It seems as though her affair was no shock to you. No matter how hard you focused on your career there is no justification in an affair.
She sounds extremely fogged right now. I would almost bet she is still in an affair.
You have told her how you feel. You have reflected on your marriage and admitted to your mistakes in the marriage. She has not really expressed to much guilt for her Mistake.
Dont give up,, keep faith in your marriage! If your wife is telling you its over, but has made no real attempt to divorce you, I would bet she is not truly set on ending the marriage. She may be reacting to what she feels is the best way to deal with her infidelity.
How long should you work on it??? Dr.H reccommends 6 months before you can clearly reflect on your relationship and make a better decision. Many have waited longer. Talk to others here,, read up on Dealing with a WW. Good luck and keep posting.

Cesar,

Welcome to MB. I am a FWW and am sorry to see the pain you are now in. It is not the time to give up yet.

I am new here, but have learned so much by reading what Dr. Harley has written on marriage. Read about Plan A after your S has an affair. It is something you can do even while she is still stubborn or confused. Read the other articles.

Reacting calmly was the thing to do. She doesn't know what she wants. She may think she doesn't want you, but she is confused.

Hang in there. YOu are not alone. There a lot of BSs here that can help you with your WW. Most of all, they can help you with how to help yourself and your M while your WW is still confused. I am sorry it is so unfair. It sounds like you admit to having made her feel neglected. That still makes it all her choice to have had these As. Don't give up yet!

There are some here that are much older(in time on Mb) and wiser than I . Keep posting, and they will see and help you.

Blessings,
Pam

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is lucky that you found this place in time. We can really help you. So far you have been handling everything just fine. I know you probably feel miserable right now, but things will get better.

Stick with us and keep posting. Also read all of the information here. Start in Plan A.