Well, for those of you that have been following the Runningwithscissors saga, I have an update. You know our situation that FWW has been disconnected and wouldn't speak to me about deeper issues. She was afraid to talk to me because of years of my LB. I was a master of the LB. Dday was about 3 months ago and we've made baby steps towards recovery. Last night was a big step. She told me that there were some things that she wanted to talk to me about and she really opened up to me. She said that she felt guilt and remorse terribly for all the pain caused. She expressed her thoughts that I'd still be better off without her ... etc. That was the first time that she ever said she felt real remorse and guilt over everything. I can't tell you how good it felt to hold her and that she would trust me enough to let me hold her and her cry in front of me. She talked for a long time. She said that she's been seening the difference in me. No LB and anger turned down consiberably. She is still scared to open up to me, but she said she is taking a leap of faith to open up to me.

Wow! I'm so blown away. It's the best Father's Day gift I could have been given. It's what I've been asking for for so long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I can see the trust coming back. I've been dealing with resentment and anger over having to fight for so long without any real help. About having to be the only strong one while I was so devastated myself. But, who cares! I feel like my wife is coming back to me!!!!!

I will never do to her what I had done before. I was an idiot and blind to how I was hurting her. I will :)treasure her and treat her like the finest thing on this planet. We got married at 19 years old, and my love for her has never waned in the least. I think I may love her more than the day I married her. (Sorry for all the gushy stuff)

Well, here comes the part of "now what?" Listen, I know me. I have an aptitude for screwing things up like no other. I do not want to mess this up. I can't do anymore LB!!! Not just as an act, but as a lifestyle. Any advice? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Contratulations, RWS, I'm so glad for you. My only advice is not to get carried away. There's probably a long, hard road ahead, but thankfully your wife appears to want to take it.

I don't remember if you've seen one, but get a good counselor or get in touch with SH immediately. Choose your counselor carefully.

GC

Yeah, I'm not getting carried away. I've been up and down plenty of times. But last night was great. I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel at least.

As far as a counselor... we've been in counselling for a while, it's done some good and I think now that she is willing to open up a little at a time the counselling will actually do more for us.

Thanks for your replies, Graycloud. I've watched your posts carefully. Be strong, man. God will see you through this. Be strong, let her see you are determined and that you have a plan and you're gong to work that plan. With her (preferrably) or without her... and either way you are going to be ok. Let her see you move ahead. Make some changes that are visable... workout, clothes, something. This may cause her to turn her head back around and let her know that you are going to be fine. This is what helped me. She saw this and she began to see me and the kids in a life without her and it scared her, I think.

Hmmm. What good news! Jump on down to the recovery forum and post there. I understand that recovery is even harder than Plan A/B.

Also be sure to read on the home page, the "quick clicks" about overcoming resentment, restoring the marriage and reconciliation. Good luck, and let us know the updates.

Great News!! Enjoy the moment (you've earned it!). Just don't forget that there is still a LOT of work ahead. Though it looks like you won't be doing it alone anymore.

Thank you for sharing the good news with us. We need to hear about the success stories, it helps the rest of us keep going when it seems like there is no hope. I wish you the best of luck, be sure to let us know how it goes.

Hi RWS,

Hey, that's GREAT news!!! I'm very happy for you and your W...

I too, was a master LB... and my W didn't open up to me until I learned how to control my anger and my temper... but once I learned to control my emotions, my W started opening up.

I sure don't want to throw cold water on your sucess... but be prepared for more setbacks. Hopefully, they won't be major, but you will have some along the way.

Keep working on YOUR emotions and reactions to her... try not to read into anything she tells you regarding the A. As she continues to open up to you, and continues to act in a trustworthy manner, I think you'll find that your trust will slowly start to return.

It took my W and I about three more months after we hit this point to really get to a point where we both felt that we were rebuilding our M. It could take you guys longer, or it could be shorter... regardless, this is a MAJOR turning point!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Enjoy this sucess and keep up the great work...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Running: Congratulations! I'm sure this will be a major boost to your recovery.

Just remember that there are many ups and downs to this recovery, hence why it is called the Roller Coaster of Emotions!

Again, congrats, my heart feels great for you.

Hi RWS,

I am glad that your WW felt she could be open with you about her feelings.That is good but be guarded.Too many BS's run with that little speck of hope only to be quashed again.Take it slow and easy.

As for your LB'ing,consider anger management/communication classes or books to start in addition to MC.Show your WW that you really do intend to make LB'ing an OLD habit,a thing of the past.I think she will really appreciate that.

O

RWS,

Did you thank her for opening up to you? Did you tell her how much it meant to you? If not you really really should thank her for her honesty and her trust in you. Let her know you appreciate what she did.

Yup, there will be ups and downs, but remember communications is a two way street. You can let her know you are hurt and still have triggers (if that is the case), but also thank her for listening, for talking to you. Let her know you need communications to heal, but that you VALUE the communications as well, and want her to continue to open up to you, as you want to open up to her.

This will take awhile but this is a great first step. Just make sure your W knows how much you appreciate it.

God Bless,

JL

RWS, Steve Harley told me to write down my plan of action. Determine what W's needs were and create a worksheet of how I was going to meet those needs. Each day go back to the check list and note what you have done until it becomes routine. That's from the expert. And congratulations on the progress.