When there was still contact between my W and the OM, my W was "mostly" kind to me. She even wrote (to the OM) about not wanting to hurt me. However, now that the truth is out and NC has begun, she is cold and even somewhat cruel. If she didn’t want to hurt me while lying, why does she want to hurt me now that the truth has come? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Zippy,
During her affair she said those things to OM probably out of guilt.

Now that she's truely in NC (and probably just recently so) she's resentful and blaming you for her NC and the "lost feelings."

All relatively standard stuff around here. Just be pleasant to her. Stay calm. No anger or then she can rationalize the affair.

cwmac

My WW was nice to me at the beginning of our failed recovery. As things progressed, she became colder and more angry. She never was able to live up to NC. I don't know if she was feeling trapped and this made her angry, or if she was just resentful because she was stuck with me and forced to try and get over the man she really wanted. Or if she was discussing what a jerk I am with OM the whole while. But I allowed myself to be too affected by her coldness, and I think it did not help.

I think you should take her coldness and anger with a grain of salt. And get counseling immediately if you haven't yet. If you complain too much and beg her to love you, you could drive her away. Her recovery is not the same as yours, I think. You are anxious to work on your M and start getting results from your LB deposits, but she has to get over OM before those deposits can do you much good. So try to tolerate her attitude and be good-natured. It's not fair, but she probably does not want you in her heart yet, and she is unlikely to be attracted to a sad beggar.

GC

Zippy,
How are things going?

cwmac

ZippyTWM, I agree with cwmac… While still in withdrawal and the fog, the WS often sees the BS as the ‘meanie’ who prevents them from having contact with the OP… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> , and then resenting the BS for the feelings of ‘loss’... I know this is SO unfair towards the BS because the BS (you) is the victim of your spouse infidelity and YOU have reason to feel resentful.

However, keep hanging on. As someone else have said, take your Ws coldness with a grain of salt. This too will pass. Give it time and patience. I understand it’s difficult for you, but try your best to continue with plan A.

Good luck and prayers to you, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When there was still contact between my W and the OM, my W was "mostly" kind to me. She even wrote (to the OM) about not wanting to hurt me. However, now that the truth is out and NC has begun, she is cold and even somewhat cruel. If she didn’t want to hurt me while lying, why does she want to hurt me now that the truth has come? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mostly because she is in a crappy mood. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

She's not getting her fix. She's got to go through the withdrawal.

UGH...I remember those days. There's hope. They WILL pass!

Susan