Hello there i am in great need of supprot. My spouse is cheating and i have no idea how to deal with it. Sometimes i feel like i am losing it the pain is so great. The part that hurts the most is that he seems to think that he is doing nothing wrong. When he wnats to be with her he says such hurtful things to me. He says that if i don't try to find out if he is cheating then we will be better off because what you don't know won't hurt you. I am so tired, the smart part in me is saying that i sholud leave but i am so scared, what if he decieds to stay with her what do i do then, and let us not forget the fact that i love him so much and that we have a seven month old baby boy. He claims that he loves us and that he will never leave us as a matter of fact whenever i make a move to leave he always reels me back in with his charming self only to treat me bad again a couple of weeks later. I don't know what to do, i reallt don't know what to do. Can someone help me plese.Box

Sindy,
I'm really not experienced enough to give great advice. I just wanted you to know that someone read your post and cares. Why do you think he's cheating? Is the other woman (OW) married?

This response will bump your thread further up and hopefully one of the veterans will respond.

Take care of yourself.

Sindy, we are all hear to help each other out. Please hang in here to get great advice. I too, not capable to give you any advice, just support.

Hi Sindy, I am sorry you are here, but you are in the right place. We can support you in getting through this and understand how you feel.

First off, can you tell us how long you have been married? How many kids? What has happened in your marriage that has led to this? What was your marriage like before the affair?

Hi again well our story is that we have known each other since high school we were freinds and then went out for about a year. I broke it off cause i didn't care about him the way he cared for me. He moved away about ayear later and returned to my island (St.Lucia in the Caribbean) ten years later, by then i had a four year old daughter and he had a four year old son , but we were both single at the time and still had feelings for each other. He was as sweet as i remembered him and if anyone had told me when we met again that he would hurt me this way i would have doubted them with all of my being, that is how good he was. He grew up in a good catholic home, his dad was a decon and all so i thought that he would have all of the right values apparently being away form home has changed him and i had no idea . I guess i fell in love with the old him the one i remembered cause he would never hurt me taht way. So we have been married for four years, have three kids between the two of us one is his one us mine and we have a baby boy together. The OW is a much older woman 14 and 12 years older than us and he just refuses to stop seeing her. At least he claims sometimes that he has stopped only to start up agian.

Well, I'm new here too but I think I know this much. Either he's going to end the affair or he's not. If he is unwilling to end the affair and stop ALL contact then I firmly believe in plan B. You NEED to cut of YOUR contact with him. You must do whatever it takes to hasten the end of the affair and if he's unwilling to do it, you have to take the initiative. It's hard but I am already feeling SOOO liberated after only a week.

I've been crying for the last six months and today was the first day I didn't shed a tear. Does that mean I'm not still a wreck? Does that mean I don't hope W will figure things out, come out of the fog and want to work on our marriage?
Will I still be willing to work on it when she is?

I guess what I'm trying to say is even though there will still be a lot of confusion and sadness at least I know I'm pushing the end closer to tomorrow and if that's the least bit of control I can have, I want it.

schander

Sindy,

I understand what you are going through. I discovered my WH's affair through a third party. I have been using plan A with him. It is very difficult. And no I did not do it perfectly. But it still works. My husband told me the affair was over when I confronted him with my knowledge Jan 2004. He told me affair was over. However for Janurary and February he treated me with coldness and withdrawal. I work most the time and when I was off he did not want to be around me. I cryed a lot. I think he was still having affair in January and February. He is treating me a little better now but it has been very gradual. I think you should try Plan A and if that does not work then do Plan B. Your husband is in the fog. I know this is so very painful. I have been there. My husband refuses to acknowledge the pain he has caused me but deep down I think he knows and the guilt is killing him.