It's been awhile since I last posted. Not much has changed. I gave my WW the Dissolution paperwork about 2 months ago. She said she filed but we still have no court date. I asked her about it a couple of times and she said she'd look into it. She was so insistant on getting this divorce, now it just seems she isn't pushing it anymore. So, I sit here in limbo land. I have not dated, but have thought about it. Don't know whether I should or not. I mean, I did sign the dissolution paperwork, but that doesn't mean I'm divorced yet. It's been 11 months since all this started and I'm just ready for it to be over...

Its kinda weird, but I get angry alot lately at WW. I think about what she has done to me and my family and it torques me off! Yet, I think I'd jump at the chance if she wanted to come back. Do you ever normalize after an affair? I just want to be back to normal without all the triggers and emotional crap that goes along with it. I've come a long way, but still, its tough at times to hold back feelings. I feel I'm a lot more emotional now than I've ever been. I'm a grown man, but stupid little things sometimes make me tear up. I wasn't like this before and it pisses me off. I know I'll be ok one day, but it sure is taking its time getting here. Anyway, just an update on my situation...

Hey there LWH,

I am glad you checked in.There are several people that used to post here and have disappeared.I hope they are doing ok.

Sounds like you have been having a tough time still.Me too.I am on my way to a D.My WH didn't do any of the paperwork that I gave him from our Mediator so I am doing it myself.It's sort of like digging my own grave.Ugh.

But,my WH has done nothing to save our marriage,refuses to get help or work on the marriage so,I am left to make the decision to proceed.He could come to his senses at the last moment but I am not hopeful.I still have some anger too brewing underneath the surface,not to mention a heaping amount of pain.I keep wondering what I will be like when I get off these AD's.Supposedly I am on one that I do not need to taper off but I KNOW there's a lot of unresolved emotion there,mainly because I don't talk to my WH anymore,the one who caused it all.

And,just because you are a grown man doesn't mean you keep all those emotions inside,you should know that.It's *healthy to have them AND let them out.

Dating.Well,you know that's not a good idea until you are D'd.Please don't get caught up in another mess before this one is cleaned up first,ok? I know it's hard.There's a lot of us BS's here with love banks in the negatives,myself included,but one emotional crisis at a time right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anyhoo,it's up to you if you still want to wait this out but if not,tell your WW to make that appointment or you will.Sometimes you need to take the reins and steer the way for yourself or your WS will drive you off into a ditch.Right now you are along for HER ride.Do what you feel is right.As hurtful as it is to think about a D,it feels right to me at this point.I came to that conclusion several weeks ago.I asked for God's guidance and support and so this is where I am,for now.

Take care.

O

Hey Octobergirl,
I'm sorry to hear you are on the same wagon I'm on. I never expected to get divorced. I told my wife when we married, this is for life, make no mistakes. I guess that didn't sink in too well. I had a good 17 years anyway, though the last year wasn't very good. I don't regret it. How can I, I've got the most beautiful 2 daughters any person could ask for! Thanks for the support. Take care...

It is hard. All of it is. I have honestly NEVER just burst into tears before and for the last 6 months I think I've done it at least once a day. That's not me and this isn't what I signed up for but it's what I have to deal with. I gave a speech at a graduation where I was talking about a ben folds five song, battle of who could care less. I said "just so we're all clear here, EVERYONE has crazy families and has things that have happened to them that are so horrible or weird but it's up to us to decide if we want to drown in it or fight the battle."

Still fighting,
schander

I talked with WW yesterday. She was supposed to go camping with my Ds. My oldest D had a flat on her car and needed a new tire. Every place was closed by the time WW got around to fixing the tire only to find out that it couldn't be fixed and she needed a new one. WW asked to talk to me about calling around for a new tire and I told her about the only place I usually buy tires because they were the cheapest. She said she tried there but they would have to order the tire. I said I didn't know of any other place, she said I could look in the phone book. She was agitated that I didn't want to look at the time. Anyway, I asked her about the divorce paperwork and she said she hadn't heard anything about it and she said she'd call about it. I said she had told me this over a month ago and I hadn't heard anything yet. She got all pissy about it and said it hadn't been that long. I said I had been on leave for 3 weeks and I know I had talked to her before that. Anyway, I called around today for a tire for the car and called WW back. Usually I'd fix the car, but WW said she'd pay for it and I wasn't gonna say no to that. I told her what I found available and she could come and get the car and tire to get it fixed. She then said she had called about the divorce paperwork. We have a court date of July 16th. Its kinda strange that it is on that date. That is exactly one year from the time she walked out the door. I asked if this is what she really wanted and she said she didn't really know what she wanted. I told her I didn't think it was too late to work things out. There was some silence then she said she had to get ready to go...

So, what does all this mean? Should I wait longer or go ahead with the court date and get the divorce. I just don't know... I'm tired of all of this and I need closure of some sort. Any suggestions out there...

I talked with WW yesterday. She was supposed to go camping with my Ds. My oldest D had a flat on her car and needed a new tire. Every place was closed by the time WW got around to fixing the tire only to find out that it couldn't be fixed and she needed a new one. WW asked to talk to me about calling around for a new tire and I told her about the only place I usually buy tires because they were the cheapest. She said she tried there but they would have to order the tire. I said I didn't know of any other place, she said I could look in the phone book. She was agitated that I didn't want to look at the time. Anyway, I asked her about the divorce paperwork and she said she hadn't heard anything about it and she said she'd call about it. I said she had told me this over a month ago and I hadn't heard anything yet. She got all pissy about it and said it hadn't been that long. I said I had been on leave for 3 weeks and I know I had talked to her before that. Anyway, I called around today for a tire for the car and called WW back. Usually I'd fix the car, but WW said she'd pay for it and I wasn't gonna say no to that. I told her what I found available and she could come and get the car and tire to get it fixed. She then said she had called about the divorce paperwork. We have a court date of July 16th. Its kinda strange that it is on that date. That is exactly one year from the time she walked out the door. I asked if this is what she really wanted and she said she didn't really know what she wanted. I told her I didn't think it was too late to work things out. There was some silence then she said she had to get ready to go...

So, what does all this mean? Should I wait longer or go ahead with the court date and get the divorce. I just don't know... I'm tired of all of this and I need closure of some sort. Any suggestions out there...