Hi all. I haven't posted in awhile since I delivered my baby in May. Talk about a rollercoaster! I shared some of my delivery story in Durham's thread a few days ago...

WH had moved out in April, but now is "kinda" back, but not every night at home. He had been gone for 6 weeks. I Plan A'd my [censored] off, and I guess it must have worked some since he is around a lot more. The OW doesn't like at all that he is staying at home sometimes (that makes me laugh).

The 3 kids and I do enjoy his being around more, but he says he has to have something "planned" to do with them, that it makes the contact with us "easier". I understand how he feels, but all this travelling around and spending money everywhere is starting to wear thin with me. If there is nothing planned for the evening, he will take off and not come back. You know, I almost liked it better when he wasn't home at all.

Since he's been back, we actually have started to have s@x again. I can't help myself! He says that OW can't get him off...yes, he actually has told me this. So, am I being stupid by having s@x with him? Is this Plan A by fulfilling his SF need??? I don't know what to think at this point...I think he is cake-eating like a king, and this is starting to piss me off. We both have been tested for STD's already.

So, 2 weeks into him "sorta" being home, school ended and I am at my parents (6 hours away). The end of the school year was pretty much my "deadline" for this sh$t anyway. I really don't know if I will come back to live there. I'm thinking about bringing the baby home (I'm nursing her) and packing up more of the boys' stuff and going back to my parents. I have friends that will help me get the house ready to sell (this was already a given since I will not be a single mother so far from family support). I plan to see a lawyer about separation or something. Since I want to move, I worry that this will delay a D if that's what is going to happen. He still contributes his paycheck every week.

Well, the night I left, a coworker saw him and OW coming out of our freaking hot tub! She called me. I knew it was a given he would completely disrespect our home and property by poisoning it with her presence, but it's so goshdarn embarrassing!!! When I asked him about it, he was upset that my friend had called me and gotten me all "wound up" and to just enjoy my vacation. How on earth can he f-ing actually SAY THAT??? So, again, he puts blame on my friend for getting me upset, not that he was boinking (or trying to) OW in my hot tub!!! He said that the house is 50% mine and he can do whatever he wants. I have repeatedly told him not to allow OW to come to the house! Gosh, I hate his guts!!

Over Father's Day weeekend, he went to Maine with OW (AGAIN!) to check out a job prospect. He took the family (us) last weekend to check out the area. Maine is not somewhere that I can see myself living, especially since it is a really long drive to see family from there. I'm going along with the whole Maine-job thing to humor him. I'm sure he'll f#ck it up somehow. I LB'd to him after the hot tub incident that maybe I'll call up his prospective boss and tell him what a lying cheater he is thinking of hiring. Oh, I would love to do it!

He wants me to visit his mother, who has Alzeimer's and is in assisted living, and bring the kids to see her. Well, I told him no way. I know that was an LB, but frankly, I don't give a sh@it! He can drive 6 hours to Maine , he can drive 6 hours to see his mother.

I've really had it lately...He called last night saying how he cried when he opened his Father's Day present from us (a huge poster with our handprints and stuff on it, really cute). I can't believe anything he says, and nothing seems to budge him at all.

I'm thinking of Plan B, but since he had already moved out previously, I'll bet he would love it! Plus, he had started to come home some, so should I try to stick that out in Plan A? 3 kids by yourself is no picnic, I tell you, so should I bring kids home for more Plan A? My maternity leave is ending fast, and I would love to have some direction to go.

Sorry this is so long...haven't posted in awhile...

WAID

As someone new to plan b but a big believer in it already I would say without a doubt you are doing LOTS of things to prolong the A and not enough things to end it and make YOU feel better.

The outcome is unknown and out of our control in many ways but the MarriageBuilder mantra seems to be that until the A is OVER, nothing can really improve(other than your H's lying skills and your coping skills).

I've only been legitimately in Plan B for about a week now, W's parents know, our close friends know, I spent three hours with the OM's wife last night letting her know and seriously I haven't felt better in months. Today was, I think, the first complete day in 6 months where I haven't had a driving and crying experience : )

schander
(my story is under plan b,c?)

How long have you been Plan A'ing?

Hi Believer. So good to hear from you. Plan A for about 6 weeks so far. Everyone thinks I am enabling him, and he just flaunts it, with the worst fogbabble!!

Just got off the phone with Mr. WAID. He refuses to file for a divorce. I of couse am tempted to do it myself, but why should I? He's the f#@k-up, not me!! Hw wants me to bring the kids home, but I said I will not until he breaks up with OW. I just cannot take the cake-eating any more...won't divorce, won't break contact, knows he has me no matter what...AAARRRGGGHHH!

Then in a ratioanl moment he says he will stay home every night if I bring kids home. Not until you break up with OW. Well, how am I going to do that? I said to write a letter, but he didn't like that idea. He has a taste for the s*x of all OW now, he says, and that is making him more curious about all women. YIKES! I'm gonna barf. Word of advice: DON'T MARRY A VIRGIN!!! (Sorry if that offends anyone, but it's biting me in the [censored] right now!) I keep reminding him that it is entirely against the rules to sleep with OP. LOL.

Fact is, he misses the kids a lot. Our 6 week old is starting to talk a little and smile (she is soooo sweeeet!), and he is bummed to be missing that (so he says). He keeps saying he hasn't changed who he is, but we all know he has been abducted by aliens. I told him that I KNOW deep inside that you want your family back. Again, without the g-darn OW around AT ALL.

He says he's addicted. I told him I am so strong right now, I will help you with the withdrawals. I said it's not fair to lead her on like this... she is definitely going to want more (she is a woman after all), and he says he knows that it's not fair.

Oh god, should I go back? I don't think I will just yet. Maybe I'll go home with just the baby for the weekend and see how it goes?? When is he going to wake up?

I think Plan B would be beneficial. Write the letter then go dark. When he's written the NC letter to OW, shows his phone bills and e-mails to you, and whatever else you need him to do to prove his affair has ended, then you'll go back home.

April

So, if I Plan B, I should stay here at my parents' house? That is where I feel the most supported. Home is too tense, and I know he would show up all the time. He wouldn't take it seriously, I know it, if I went home.

What about him saying he will stay home if we come back? I just cannot bear him leaving and such for another day! OK, I think I just answered my own question!! Why can't my brain make a coherent thought?

I promised myself I wouldn't call him from my parents house. That made me feel better for a couple of days. I was getting anxious to hear from him when I knew he was getting out of work, but didn't want to know really if he was home or not.

In our earlier phone call, he mentioned that a D was not smart financially! Oh the FOG, how I hate you! I'm like, when you said the M was over and that you gave up, that means you want a D, right? He said no. What is with that? I have seen many posts where the WS doesn't want a D. I DO NOT understand this at all.

We practically grew up together and have been through everything together, so I know we can survive this, but only if he is willing to wake up and get on track!

Since you have support where you are, I would definately send plan B letter. You cannot change where WS right now. Do NOT let him bully you into coming home because he wonders about another ow and how SF would be with another fantasy right now.

It is not good in the SF area with ow. We all know that he won't find any better than you. After all, it was love that you married for and took vows to forsake all others. And WS has told you that ow isn't as good as you in SF department. No one else will be, believe me.

Your WS is still in the fog. Missing you and kids, family is a good thing for him right now. Stay strong in the NC with ow. YOU ARE WORTHY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just my VHO.

Prayers for you.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Bumping myself to get more input, please.

I am still thinking of our phone call last night. He has starting drinking after work. He is a diehard p*thead, but hasn't drank in years, since he got out of the Navy. Is this another self-numbing, self-destruction technique? Has anyone else seen this? I worry about him, but at the same time I hope he will hit bottom faster. How can we have any meaninful conversations with him intoxicted with something?

Plan B is starting to look rosy...

So, why oh why did I call him today? I called to talk, and he had just walked in the door. I swear I can read his mind, it's too weird. LOL He mentioned that the house was all clean when he walked in. I asked him how that happened. Well, he had OW come and actually clean our house today!! (Before D-Day, she had actually cleaned for us a few times...forced upon me by him, we were just helping her earn some extra money).

I have repeatedly requested she not come near my house! I am at my parents right now, and he has not cared about this...the house is mine too blah blah blah.

There is no way I am bringing my kids home to this [censored]! I need to go get some stuff and get out. The total lack of respect is eating me alive.

So, tomorrow I head back to Vermont to get more clothes/toys/my meds refilled/baby checkup/etc. I told WH today that I will not be moving back home until he breaks up with OW. He misses the kids, wanted me to bring them with me. I have to bring my nursing 7-week-old. I said, no way, it's not time yet (he has said those same words to me so many times, I LOVED being able to say it myself!).

Maybe we'll get to talk this weekend. He is starting to come out of the fog, we both know it. I will Plan A as usual. I am getting better at it every day. Plan B is around the corner, I think, just to clinch the deal. I am praying that the weekend will be peaceful. I want to help him write a really good NC letter, since he is slowly headed in that direction. He hates to write...anyone have a good one? I remember seeing a thread on this a while back.