So Weav,

As a single person you can approach it as "What would your potential new love do to make Love Bank Deposits?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />


Jo

My bank is filled with:

- Arranging the blankets around me and getting me a glass of water before I go to bed

- Kissing/nibbling me on my special spot on my neck

- Hearing him repeat something I said to him (usually in a debate) to someone else

- Coming home to a home-cooked meal

- Coming home to a clean apartment

- Seeing (or feeling <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) his physical reaction to me

- Holding my hair when I'm sick

- Watching television together, taking walks together, going to fairs together

Hmmm...

Bet you can't guess what my EN's are, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (sarcasm)

April

Pepper, you are absolutely correct about the martinis and breasts...I am glad I only have two! And I am definitly going to try to remind hubby of this analogy next time we go out for dinner and cocktails...3 IS TOO MANY!!! lol

Hubby and I have come so far. He has done so many different things to put a surge in my love bank it is difficult to discern what they are individually.

I will highlite a few:

*Going to bed at the same time as me.

*Getting out of bed at the same time as me, and helping me get the kids ready for VBS.

*Last Thursday he went shopping with me for what felt like FOREVER, and he even picked out outfits and gave actual FEEDBACK after I tried on ALL of them! To put a deposit in his Love Bank, the next day I got out of bed at the crack of dawn and helped him tear down an old shed in our yard (I will never admit it without anonymity...but it was kinda fun). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

*Kissing my forhead.

*Suggesting we take a "nap" while the kids were laying down today... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

*Dancing in the kitchen with me...slow...and fast.

*Picking me up and carrying me to bed.

This seems strange to say, but I feel our relationship is better than it has ever ever been. I used to look at other couples and wonder why can't I be as happy as them...now I look at couples and wonder if they are as close and happy as hubby and I. I am afraid it won't last. How long will the fear last?

Thanks for this thread pepper...got me thinking!

"dancing in the kitchen with me...slow and fast"

Mom - you lucky, lucky girl!


Shul, that is definately going on my "dream" list. My future love is going to have a lot to live up to.

You are all lucky girls and after what you all have been through, you gotta know that.

My H has this down to a science these days, my love bank is so full...

- he buys me treats, anything that I love, fudge, Jones cherry soda, gum, candy, flowers

- he leaves me notes, nothing better than waking in the morning and finding a note from him.

-emails, just to say ILU, and have a good day

-staying up and having pillow talk, for hours even when he has to get up at 4am.

-running me a bath

-playing a card game with me

I could go on and on......

KY

OOhhh, Good idea, Pep! I needed to focus on the positive a little more. Thank you.

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bringing me my favorite candy bar for no reason at all</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rubbing my back though his hands hurt from arthritis</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Telling me about his trials and successes at work</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Telling me how he feels</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Staying up late to take the puppy out 'cause he can't hold it very long</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bragging on / praising me to other people</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talking about long range future plans with me</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Defending me no matter what</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Always returning my hugs for as long as I need the hug to last</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Getting me ginger ale when I'm sick</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Working on his temper and making big visible changes</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Going on all kinds of trips with me - long or short, elegant or camping</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Making sure I'm satisfied when we make love</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanking me for cooking dinner</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Geez, I could just sit here all morning and type this stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Low, Looks like you are out-numbered. Good thing is the gals are all giving ME ideas. Here is my list.

The “gimme” list
-INITIATING a “nooky” session, especially wearing something special or at an unscheduled time.
-Coming to the door and hugging/kissing me like she really missed me while I was working or gone.
-Wanting to sit next to me and snuggle into me or just hold my hand.
-Wanting to cuddle and be goofy “after.”

Not So Obvious
-Joining me in something I want to do (usually pretty geeky stuff).
-Telling me how much she appreciates what I go through at work to provide for the family.
-Telling me I am a great dad.
-Having an orgasm (you gals have NO IDEA how much that means to us that we can do that for you).
-Letting me fall asleep with my head in her lap while she strokes my hair watching one of “her” movies.
-Calling me just to hear my voice.
-Confiding her hurts and dreams to me. Crying on my shoulder. (You gals also have no idea how nice it is for us to know we make you feel safe. You tend to think crying on our shoulder about something is a burden to us, but it makes us feel like you need us.)
-Laying her head on my chest before we go to bed and letting me read the Bible to her. Usu. Psalms or Proverbs. Really nice when she falls asleep while I am doing that.
-Taking the time to come to the office to see if I can go to lunch with her.
-Smiling back when she catches me looking at her.
-Stopping and being “one of the boys.” We have 3DS and sometimes she lets the housework/responsibilities go to wrestle or get muddy with her 4 boys.
-Letting people know she is blessed to have me for a husband.

What do we get if we win?

NCWalker

Ok, I'm going to try this because it will make me feel good. Some of these he does, not so often, but he's trying, but some he doesn't do, so its a wish list also:

- Listen to me when I need to talk
- Hold my hand in public
- Put his arm around me in public
- Email me something sweet
- Call me just to say hello and he misses me
- Don't get irritated when I call just to say hello
- Leave me note
- Make coffee in the morning (he doesn't really drink it either, but it shows he's thinking about me)
- Bring me little gifts (again, show's he is thinking about me)
- Be faithful to me
- Makes sure I'm satisfied in bed before he is
- Hugs me for no reason whatsoever
I could go on and on. I think I'll print this thread out for my H.

Thanks!

I read this post yesterday and decided instead of telling you guys about Doc's deposits into my Love bank...that I'd tell him. So I wrote them down along with an apology for not acknowleging that not only did I notice the small things he did for me that I appreciated them as well. I placed the note somewhere that I knew he'd find it when he came home from work. He came at me with tears in his eyes and thanked me therefore placing deposits in my love bank.

Thank you Pep for such a stellar idea...
it truly is the little things

He did lots of these before but has added some now he knows what I "need."

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bringing me books from the shop that he knows I love.
  Not pulling away when I grab him for a kiss in the kitchen.
  Telling me I have great legs.
  Rubbing my feet when we're watching TV.
  Suggesting dinner out (without having to be asked).
  Not minding if I go on the computer to talk to you guys.
  Always including my mother in family outings.
  Listening to my long rambling stories about what my (off MB and on MB) friends are doing.
  Putting on the music I like and cooking dinner for me.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Jenny

He did lots of these before but has added some now he knows what I "need."

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bringing me books from the shop that he knows I love.
  Not pulling away when I grab him for a kiss in the kitchen.
  Telling me I have great legs.
  Rubbing my feet when we're watching TV.
  Suggesting dinner out (without having to be asked).
  Not minding if I go on the computer to talk to you guys.
  Always including my mother in family outings.
  Listening to my long rambling stories about what my (off MB and on MB) friends are doing.
  Putting on the music I like and cooking dinner for me.
  Understanding me.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Jenny

Me next!!!! Me next!!!

+ Fixing the air conditioner without any help when it broke down last week.
+ Holding me when the lunatics at church and in my family have made me upset
+ Making sure I take care of myself by eating and taking my medicines.
+ Getting up in the middle of the night to give daughter her bottle.
+ "Putting the moves on me." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
+ Writing down the lyrics to songs that he says "Make him think of me."
+ Mentioning that he was thinking about me all day while we're apart.
+ Making me laugh till I think I'm going to pee my pants.
+ Singing to me.
+ Grabbing my butt while I'm doing dishes.
+ Going kayaking with me even though he nearly got killed in a canoe years ago.
+ Ditching "the guys" because he'd rather spend time with me.

I could go on, but I think I need to go give him a big hug and kiss...

Thanks for the thread, pepperband!

I feel a surge in my love bank when onlywords:

&#9829; sits next to me on the new couch and snuggles with me
&#9829; runs her hands through my hair
&#9829; talks with me when I ask her to
&#9829; waits on me hand and foot (since knee surgery last week)
&#9829; lets me rub her saucey a$$ (she's a little touchy about that)
&#9829; rubs MY feet
&#9829; takes the wheel to drive to her parents
&#9829; and finally when she crawls on top to....

Geez, looking at these now, they seem to be a little on the physical side....

Hey, onlywords, I'm thinking what do I do for you? Maybe you can put your wishlist on here since I definitely need help in this area of building your lovebank.

R

Edited to add: GREAT POST PEPPERBAND! I also agree that things have been a little down lately and this is an extremely timely topic. Thanks again!

<small>[ June 23, 2004, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: Recovering H ]</small>

bumping up looking for "only words"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MEN ... they sure DO like themselves some lovin' don't they??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hey Pep,

Thanks for this thread and generating an idea in me for my H.

He is kind of closed mouthed on what his LB deposits are (I know his ENs but I like specifics.) Even when I ask him, he can be vague, mostly b/c he is still feeling like he does not deserve LBDs b/c of his A. (Been trying to get through to him that he DESERVES many LBDS!!)

So here's what I am going to do:

Make up *Love*Bank*Deposit* slips for him.
Little slips that he can fill out telling me what I can do that day or that moment to make a deposit.
I will put them in his closet (he has a shelf with "important" papers/notes/receipts) so he can fill them out in the AM be4 work or when he gets home.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK< everyone can laugh now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I think up the corniest stuff sometimes but I think he'll respond to it!

LBD slip #1 from Mr. to Fraggles:

"Enthusiastic sex"

I wouldn't be surprised !!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

LOL

Pep

He doesn't need a slip for that - it's been an automatic deposit for months now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Fraggles:
<strong>So here's what I am going to do:

Make up *Love*Bank*Deposit* slips for him.
Little slips that he can fill out telling me what I can do that day or that moment to make a deposit.
I will put them in his closet (he has a shelf with "important" papers/notes/receipts) so he can fill them out in the AM be4 work or when he gets home.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think this is corny at all! I think it is a marvelous idea for sharing between a couple!

Great idea, Fraggles!!!!!

Pep: I emailed the thread to onlywords last night. She logged in this morning, but could only think of one thing I did that garners LB deposits.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I did ask that maybe she make it a wishlist....

I think Fraggles idea is a good one, maybe I'll plagirize it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Recovering H and I had discussion about this last night...he was upset that I couldn't come up with more ideas for "deposits"....ok, I've been busy, I didn't want to just rattle things off the top of my head, I wanted to think about it, take it seriously, give it some thought....but I didn't do it FAST enough, so now he thinks he's the only one working on this marriage, and right now I'd just settle for the absence of Love Busters....does that count? For instance, if one of the love busters is contradicting me or otherwise making comments in public that degrade me in some way, then would a deposit be "NOT contradicting me or otherwise making comments that degrade me in front of someone else" be a Deposit?
I've been trying to understand a guy's perspective, because it seems to center around sex so much that I end up feeling like he thinks that's the only thing I have going for me, and that, to me, is a MAJOR "love-buster". How do we come to a happy medium on that, when "More sex" is something he wants from me as a deposit, and "less pestering and groping and one-track-mindedness" is a deposit he can make for me????

Pepper, I've noticed that you make comments about this "guy" thing a lot....where does that come from in your case?

Anyway, I DID think about this, told him so, and still got busted on , so I feel that my attempt just wasn't good enough, that I'm not doing anything significant to help our marriage. I know that he feels bad about this, but doesn't know what to do to make it stop. And he wants to know how the OM was able to make so many deposits so fast and I couldn't come up with an answer to that...I'm not so sure he really made that many deposits, it's just that there weren't many withdrawals, not enough to cause a major imbalance anyway.

Also, for so long I think I've shut myself off emotionally from Recovering H because he wasn't opening up emotionally to me....so I stopped wanting anything so as not to be disappointed and all I ever thought about was what I wished he WOULDN'T do as opposed to what I wished he WOULD do.

Help???