My Ws told me tonight that she is going to the OM.
I am totally devasted. My life is shattered. I can't believe that she is thowing away 28 years of marriage. Not the best 28 yr marriage byt never the less 28 years. She has had a 5 year affair with her old high scholl boyfriend and now she says she is going to him. In my state there has to be a year separation before the D. I did the best I could to not LB tonight but a few slipped out. She is going to work on a settlement agrement then with a few other legalities she is out of here. She has admitted to 2 other affairs in the last 3 days. She still has to tell the children(28,25 and 18) what is happening. The 28 year old knows of the last affair. The boys don't know. I know I have a year to go and I can hardly breathe right now but I can't do anything about it. I vaccilate between wanting to beg her to stay and saying F*** it. How does one survive this? I am on anti-D that seems to help but tonight is so blew me away. The only problem is I still Love her. Tell me how to keep going. Tell me how to put one foot in front of the other.

{{{hopeful}}}

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How does one survive this? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I survive the bad days by praying, crying and journaling..

There is hope. She will quickly find out that the reality is alot different from the dream.

She will come to her senses with Gods help.

hopeful, I know it seems like your darkest night, but you can and will survive this, I promise you. Most of us know the heartache you are feeling right now so please come here and let us support you. This will get better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Romans 8:28

God can turn all things to good.

Wish I could do something to ease your pain, your loss. Find something to hang onto - church, kids, job, a good friend, this board, something. Find something steady and hang on. There is no shame in needing a friend. No weakness in sharing a load. It is OK to hurt.

NCWalker

hopefulinc - I am very sad to hear of what you are going through... 28 years is a lot of life together, and I hope she will reflect on that carefully if there is a year before any official D would take place. Perhaps this time period (1 yr) represents a final opportunity for you both to save something that is dear to you. No one would want you to stay hanging if you've already had your heart trampled on enough, but a great deal can change in a person's mind in a year - would it be possible to look upon it as a 'modified Plan B,' only one that is being imposed by her instead of you. Take care of 'yourself,' hopeful; you deserve to be respected, loved, and treated kindly... it is your birthright, and you will find happiness even through adversity.


Mark
Vancouver, Canada.

"I said to the man who stood
at the gate of the year,
"Give me a light
that I may tread safely
into the unknown."
And he replied:
"Go out into the darkness,
and put your hand into the Hand of God...
That shall be better than light,
and safer than a known way."

Louise Haskins - Quoted by King George VI in his 1939 Christmas address
to the people of England at the beginning of the Second World War.

This is going to sound somewhat forward in light of what you're going through and I certainly don't mean it that way. You've got 3 grown and all indications are healthy children. They are what will give you reasons to get up and keep going. You can't force your W to love you and/or want to be with you...so what you're going through will be the equivilent of a death/mourning period.

Assess yourself at this point and recognize you deserve to be loved and respected in return. I'm curious...what did your daughter think? What drove your wife to stray? (I'm not familiar w/ your background).

Right now it seems as though it's the end of the world...each day will get easier!

My wife strayed because I didn't meet her needs for affection. She grew up in a household with physical abuse and no affection. She has a great need for affection and I didn't meet that need. Instead, I was angry with her for long periods of time. I withdrew. I grew up in a household where my mother withdrew her love from me. So i modeled the wrong behavior. Neither she nor I was honest with each other. We grew apart. She intiated the contact with the OM and he was not getting his needs met in his marriage so wahla.
Oldest daughter say this has shaken the foundation of what she calls home. I know how she feels. My wife still has to tell the two boys 25 and 18. They will also be devasted. Not to mention the 2 children and wife of the OM.
I do plan to Paln B. No contact except though her sisters unless it is an emergency or a crisis with the kids. I feel so used and abused right now. This is worse than when a loved one dies.