I just don't what I want anymore. I know it has been only about 3 months since Dday but I'm starting to feel indifferent. I have been trying very hard to get my W to recommit and open up to me. I have been trying to be a good H and fill her needs as best I can. However, I am getting nothing in return. Well, not quite true, I get a cold shoulder and statement of I have lost my feelings for you. My LB is very low and I am starting to feel indifferent. At this point I don't know if I really want to stay in this relationship. I feel I'm just doing this for my daughters.I know they deserve my very best and I am trying but when do I get to be happy? I have needs to. I could use some affection and I am a guy so SF would be nice considering it has been about 8 months. I think I am going to explode mentally and physically. It is so unfair that my W was the one who acted so selfish and only thought about her own feelings and not mine or our daughters and the consequences her actions might bring to our family. Now I have to be the one to be strong and unselfish. I just don't know anymore. Sorry to carry on like this I just wanted to get it out.

Hey staggered,

I don’t know if this helps but I feel the same way. It is almost a year since DDAY-1 and about two months since DDAY-2. I am also running on empty. Each day I wonder how I will get through that day. But each day I remember that I got through yesterday when I had asked the same question. My faith in Jesus Christ has kept me strong when I did not think I could not make it. I don’t want to make this a sermon; I just want you to know that others feel the same way.

I hope you have a MC or at least a C of some form. I did a "core dump" at the last session with the MC. My wife did not fall on her knees and beg for forgiveness or reach out in compassion to my feelings. In fact, she has become more cold and distant. But, I know that she heard me and knows the results of her selfish actions. For now it has to be enough that the true fallout of her actions are known.

Please hang in there.

staggered,

Three months is a long time to hurt the way you've been hurting. You don't have a signature block and I can't recall the details of your situation, though I know I should.

Have you been in Plan A? If so, how long? Do you think you've done a good one or could it use some improvements?

Have you exposed the A?

Is your W still in the A?

Has a NC letter been written and do you think NC is really in effect?

If all that has been done, perhaps it's time to consider a plan B.

staggered - You are perfectly normal. I went through the same thing. But you need to be the strong one for your family right now. It is not fair, but that is the MB program. You will not regret that you gave it your all.

Thanks for the replies. To answer some of the questions. I have been plan Aing since I found this site and Dday 3months ago. I think it has been okay. I do believe the PA has stopped but contact does occur by her mobile. I'm not sure how often though. I live in a foreign country and don't quite know how to find a counselor. W said she doesn't want MC. I did expose A to W's mother and sister. They have been very supportive. I would add a sig. line but I'm not quite sure. All support is appreciated.

You are right at where you should be 3 months after D day. But for your wife to get feelings back for you, she needs to have NC completely. Stay in Plan A for awhile longer, then might be time for Plan B.

Staggered
I know how you feel, too. We have all been there. You may think you can't do it, but remember, YOU ARE DOING IT! Please stay strong. You probably won't get back anything from her so soon. Give yourself more time. Keep a good Plan A. Try to stay busy with the kids, they need you right now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by staggered:
<strong>... I live in a foreign country and don't quite know how to find a counselor.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To find an MC you can try:

1. If you attend church, ask a priest or pastor.
2. If you don't attend church, ask a priest or pastor at a near by church.
3. If you are you in the military, check with a Chaplin or family support services.
4. All else fails check the phone book.

The MC was a huge step for me. I needed to hear from an impartial party that I was not crazy for feeling like I do. If your S wont go to MC you should go alone. Sometimes the S will go after seeing that it is working for you.

Thanks again for replies. What I meant about the counselor was that I'm not sure how they are here and if the culture/language differences would be too much to truly understand what I am going through. I am also a student and don't have much money to spend on one. To other replies I am focusing on my daughters. They are the shining light in my life and are the reason I can/must get through each new day. Again support is appreciated.