Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
K
Member
Member
K Offline
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
I just went out to my car and found an anniversary card that WH left for me last night. Let me know what you think:

BS,

I wish things could be better for the both of us so we could have a happy anniversary. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss you. I am truly sorry for hurting you. I don't know if we/I could ever fall back in love. Right now I am just taking it one day at a time. I don't want to come home for the wrong reasons. If I ever cmoe home and if you ever want me back, we will hopefully be able to fall in love and continue this marriage. I know now that I am to blame for a lot if not everything that went wrong in our marriage. Sure we both had our issues, but I made a huge mistake which is always going to be on my mind. Maybe I just can't be married. Who knows? I wish is would have never gotten to the point of where it did. I cannot change the past only the future. I don't know what the futue holds for us other than the beautiful baby that awaits us. I am here for you whether we stay together or not and I will always be there for our baby. Happy Anniversary (if this is possible).

WH

I am shaking as I am typing this so I'll check back later.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 23
I
Junior Member
Junior Member
I Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 23
...quite a letter - he obviously thought about it a lot and constructed it very carefully. He paints a clear picture that he is hurting and he knows you are hurting. From a WH perspective I'm beginning to think that WH's feel a need to cope with the pain by trying to focus as much hurt as possible on ourselves so we feel as much pain as possible as we know we did a bad, bad thing. To my "head in the sand" comment from awhile back I think that is what this self-destructive intent could lead to.

I think you should reply quickly, and very carefully. Try to take some pressure off him. Acknowledge his pain - let him know you understand that he is crushed. Let him know you hope with all the hope you have that he can find a way to deal with it and working together you can be more successful at that than him working alone. Perhaps you should suggest the 2 of you spending more time together with quiet, reflective discussions with the theme - hey, let's take this 1 day at a time, this problem didn't happen in 1 day and we can't fix it in 1 day. Focus the discussion on your shared goals in the future, not on hurtful memories of the past. Find some common ground in the discussion topics, esp the ones that seems to help his self-esteem. He knows he made a bad mistake but thinks that its unrecoverable - its like he thinks he needs to just give up but something inside him hasn't allowed him to yet. Perhaps you can further spark whatever it is inside him that wants things to get better.

Pls remember my opinions are just opinions; I'm new to this but I've hurt more in the past 2 weeks than ever in my life. I'm just trying to draw parallels from my feelings to his. We do have a few.

As always, we're thinking of you.
Have a great day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,047
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,047
kloe,

I received a letter like this once after my wife and I had separated. It freaked me out.
Was it real?
Is this just waffling?

I would be cautiously optimistic if I were you. Are you in plan B?

Sounds like reality might be setting in. I hope this is the real thing.

God Bless

Doug


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 706 guests, and 73 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
vivian alva, Zion9038xe, renki, Gocroswell, Allen Inverson
72,027 Registered Users
Latest Posts
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,523
Members72,028
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0