Hi,
I don't post very often, mostly just scan the topics of others. I'm calling for an apartment today. My FWH and I cannot discuss rationally who should leave. He thinks I can't handle the house alone. I feel that I'm home more than he is because I work part time. Needless to say it's a no win situation. I'm afraid that if I leave and things don't work out that I'll lose credibility in the court system because I left. I'm sure he fels the sam way.
I know the FOW is completely out of the picture, we heard she is knocked up by another guy (second child out of wedlock for her) I don't think there is anyone else, although there is always that possibility.
The questions I have are if I leave how will that look if things don't work out?
Also should I let the kids help me move?
When he's at work do I come here and help out with the housework?
Wha about seeing each other?
I would appreciate any input at all
SH01
D-day 10/13/01
D-day 2 1/21/02
Married 19 years together 24
3 beautiful kids DD 16, DD 14 and DS 11

Whose idea was it to separate?

If it was his...then I say he should move. Why can't he move out and come back to help with the house?

This seems fishy to me...

SHMI,
Thanks for the reply. It was amutual decision. I'm pushing more for it now because I can't take the indifferance he shows me. My LB is almost completely empty. I don' want my kids to think this is what a marriage should be like.
SH01

He should be the one to move out. It is a consequence of his behavior. Don't leave your home.

Beleaver,
I know he should be the one to move out, but what happen if he won't.....
This really isn't about the affair anymore it's been over for 2 plus years.
I can't continue to put my kids thru this. I can't live with no love and affection. I am hoping that this separation will get things back on an even
keel.
SH01

Talk to an attorney to find out the consequences of you moving out. Find out if it can be used against you if you were to file for divorce later. See if legal separations are allowed in your state and find out what a legal separation means.

Also put together two budgets, one if you stay in the house and one if you move out. Remember to include rent/mortgage, property insurance/renter's insurance, electricity, gas, and phone. Don't forget that there will be initial installment/turn-on fees if you move to an apartment. Will you end up paying more in gas if you move? Will it cost more for child care, etc.?

Do you know your family's current financial situation? How much are in retirement accounts, savings/checking accounts, investments, etc. How much is coming in every month through salaries, rent, investment earnings, etc.

Once you know your legal rights and responsibilities and you know your financial situation then you can make a sound decision. Don't make this decision blind.

April

I agree with RoanWard. Talk to an attorney. When I did, I found out that the primary caregiver usually keeps the home, because they need to stay in the school district, to give the children the best continuity. Most states focus on what is best for the children.

If you only work part time, and have been in the primary caregiving role for the majority (or the most recent time frame), you will most likely receive the home.

Even if you cannot afford to buy his half to refinance only in your name, there are deals to be made - such as, you signing away your part of his retirement back to him, or some such thing.

Basically, in most states, if you are the primary caregiver, the home goes to you. If you cannot afford what needs to be done with that property (refinance in your name), the home is sold and nobody gets it. So, in most cases, it is either you get it and the kids keep as much continuity as possible, or it sells. Maybe if your H discovers that, he will be more willing to make that happen.

I am not advocating D. I am just sharing with you the facts as I learned them. It also varies so much from state to state.

Get the facts. You cannot do anything, or make any decisions, without the facts. That is my advice to you.

SS

Thanks for the replys. You are right I need to talk to an attorney about my rights. I was hoping not to because it makes it seem like it's definatey over. I was hoping that this separation would be for a short time and he would miss me. I now get my head out of the clouds.
I am the primary caregiver and always have been. When I mentioned to him that he works long hours he said he would have to prioritize!!! I wish he would prioritize our marriage. All I want right now what is best for the kids. And this apartment is affordable and from a friend where I wouldn't have to sign a lease or anything like that. He called last night and said he has got aot of calls for the apartment. I feel as if I need to jump at this cause it's not far from home and close to the kids schools.
I'm hoping evantually that my husband will see it would be best for him to move, and realize I'm not trying to take the kids from him. They love us both. And I'm doing this to save what little love I have left for him>
SH01

<<BUMP>>


Would love more input. Thanks in advance
SH01