LL,

U have only so much energy and only 24 hours in a day. Use it for what you do have control over and right now your daughter's safety and care are definitely more important than your H's support. You have given him some suggesions but now the horse needs to drink at the trough himself. You led him there, now he needs to do the rest. Don't worry about his support. Let the OW prove she is what he claims (by his actions she is).

The world can see she isn't worth 2 cents. You and your family are priceless. He needs to see that on his own.

Take care of your daughter. Let your son and others give you support. Define what items you will limit communication with your H. Don't let it be about your R or M. When possible, give some of the responsibility of finding your D to him.

We know you are fighting against great odds. We are here for support where we can help.

Hugz,
L.

Missing person report has been filed on my daughter. While I was at the police station, she called my cell phone, but had blocked caller ID. I asked her where she was.

At friends. Safe.

I asked if she was still in town.

Yes.

I asked if she was coming home.

Maybe later.

I told her I was at the police station (now regret that) filing a report. She said she knew I would but I was the one who kicked her out.

Huh??? (She IS like WH!)

So I feel better--she's still alive. But I feel worse--she knows I filed a report and she has $180 in her pocket. She could survive a long time bouncing around with friends, even if she doesn't find a way to leave town.

A police detective won't pick up the case until tomorrow at the earliest. They'll put her info into the computer so that she's on a national listing and in case she's stopped for anything, when they log her info they'll find she's listed as missing. But it only helps if she's actually stopped.

Otherwise, no actual work to look for her happens until at least tomorrow. I found that frustrating, but again, my hands are tied.

I am so damn frustrated at this point I could scream! I've called everyone I know to call and no one can really offer me any concrete suggestions. Even if she goes into voluntary foster placement, it will not be in a locked facility. She can run just as easily from there. She escaped from the principal's office at her HS all the time. All he had to do was step away for a moment and she was gone and they couldn't find her.

I mean, I was cleaning the turtle tank last week out in the back yard and in the mean time, she called someone who picked her up without my hearing the car or knowing. She's slippery.

All I can do now is pray that I see her again. I know odds are in my favor, but I'm a parent and thanks to all the stories that make the news, I worry. She does't think rationally when it comes to making safe decisions either.

I've considered going in to work. Sitting here isn't doing much good but if she would come home this afternoon, I'd like to be here. However, if she doesn't, how many days do I sit here waiting?

I'm going to call some more places for help.

LL

As for trying to help WH:

I just called the 1-800 AA helpline and spoke with them about WH's situation. The woman I spoke with is going to have a guy try and call WH. No idea if WH will actually answer his cell, but I have made an attempt. Now I hope WH isn't angry with me for giving out his number to AA.

LL

(((((((LL)))))))

I wish you didn't have to go through this. I wish your DD and WH weren't so pigheaded.

My sister & brother were always the pigheaded of our family - but we never had to go through what you are going through.

My neice on the other hand started at 11 what your DD is doing. My sister never did a thing to help. Just let her go out all night, kept telling us there was nothing she could do.

My neice is 16 now, pregnant for the second time (1st was miscarried). She refuses to have anything to do with her mother - except as a potential babysitting service.

For what it's worth - I am positive you are on the right track. The frustrating thing is that you probably won't be able to see that for years to come.


(((((((LL)))))))) again.

I'm praying for you too.

Seeking_More

I've been on the phone so much this afternoon my ear is still ringing. I'm awaiting calls from:

1) DD's therapist and psychiatrist
2) The people from AA, who said they might call me back
3) A residential mental/behavior facility here in town
4) The police, if they come up with anything else

The officer who took DD's case info this morning was able to make some calls to the cell numbers I gave her, and she showed DD's pic to another officer who works our local mall and he recognized her right away. So even though it hasn't officially went to a detective yet, the officer went to the mall, found a friend he remembers her hanging with, and the friend was able to provide some more numbers.

From there, they must have poured enough heat on that DD contacted them, but she won't disclose her location. They suspect, as do I, that she's on the other side of town. They tried to set up a meeting with her at 2pm but she didn't show.

However, she's feeling the heat. She's called me twice now, asking me to make the cops leave her friends out of this (told her I can't--report has been filed now). She blocks Caller ID when she calls me, but at one point she even asked me if I'd come pick her up at the park I've gotten her from before. (This confirms she's on the other side of town.)

We set up a meeting time, then she called back and chickened out. Said she's going to some show tonight. I have no idea where all the local bands play. Right now she's saying she's going to try and find a ride home after that. Who knows. I just know I'm glad she's still in town.

The police officer also said that although they can't really do anything legally to her, if runaway cases keep getting filed, because she's a juvenile, the state will eventually get involved anyway. So hopefully my being proactive will benefit me in being able to be involved in what happens, though the officer said she will almost guarantee me that if DD is placed in a group home, it will NOT be in her home city.

That's hard. I wouldn't get to see her very often. I'm terrified of losing her, or of her thinking I threw her out and disowning me. But I understand why they wouldn't want them in town. Too easy for them to run to friends' houses.

Also, the woman with the Dept of Human Services who I spoke to today said in her experience, the outcome for children with mental/behavioral issues isn't as positive as those who are in for substance abuse (which she's not). So that was rather depressing. Sounds like it's a more permanent issue.

I've done my share of crying today so my eyes are burning. I'm exhausted again. I want to take a nap but I'm getting a headache and I know it'll make it worse. So I'm forcing myself to keep going.

WH hasn't called so I'm assuming AA didn't get ahold of him. Otherwise, I'd have probably gotten an earful.

Rignt now I need something to take my mind off things. I'm not used to being home in the afternoon, especially for the second weekday in a row. I could definitely do some cleaning, but I'm not really in the mood. I weeded my garden a little while ago. I'm all out of brilliant ideas. No money to spend on anything for the house or the lawn. Bummer...

LL

LL, you can call me. If you want, I can call you. hang inthere. You are doing the right thing.

I ran out on some errands, and have been staying off my cell all day because it's the number I left for everyone to call.

I did get the main call I was waiting on--DD's phychiatrist and therapist. I filled them in on the latest and now all my fears of the last several months and then some are looking like they're coming true. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Their concensus is that the state MUST get involved at this point or she will be entirely lost. Therapist said there is always a chance they may try firs to work with her while still in my home, but she's skeptical because of the situation.

So--fear of losing WH, losing son (to college in another city) and losing daughter (to state's custody) and being all alone is looking very probable.

And then something occurred to me (hope I'm wrong but am almost certain I'm not) about child support and such when the state has your child.

I believe I was told by one of the homes once that if the state gets temporary custody, WH's child support for her would go to them and not to me (even though I have to still maintain a home for her to come back to and buy clothes, etc for her). Of course his support for son will already go directly to college starting this fall.

So I end up with nothing. I can't make it that way. How do I maintain a place for DD to come home to and for DS to come back to during breaks and summer?

But wait, it may get better. I'm not so sure I won't also be required to pay a portion of support as well to the state, since she's not in my custody.

I have worked so hard to get where I am and I feel like it's all being ripped out from under me. I realize material possessions mean nothing, but it's hard not to get angry when you're behind someone in a Hummer at the stoplight and you're realizing that 20 years of being in the workforce may ultimately net you an icky 2-bedroom apartment in a less-than-great area of town, shopping at the discount places, and a car that is nearing 100,000 miles that won't be able to be replaced for years to come.

And you think back and realize that just a year ago you had an intact family, a husband who you attended church with on a weekly basis, plans to help significantly with son's college AND be able to still replace cars (no, not with Hummers), had a nice suburban home with a basement in the process of being finished, had a Harley, a nice travel trailer, and things were looking promising for retirement. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm starting to really feel like I'm cursed. I mean that! Maybe I only think God loves me and in actuality I'm an object of his wrath.

I can drive under street lights and they'll sometimes go out. I've sort of joked about my abilities there, but it at times like this, as wacky as it may sound, I wonder if there's just something really wrong with me, and that I'm bad and that everything I'm involved with goes to pieces. Sometimes it doesn't seem like others consistently have as much crap fall on them as I seem to.

LL

<small>[ July 01, 2004, 07:02 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

It's 10:30pm. No sign of my daughter yet. I miss her. The house is empty. Son is out playing with his friends--will be back around midnight (And frankly, I'm happy he is still willing to abide by my rules and either be home by then or call and give me an update. He's an adult and is out of high school. He wouldn't have to.)

I was thinking--if the state places my daughter in a home somewhere (and it's looking very much that way) and WH and I are still separated, this is what it's going to be like every day come fall when college starts. I don't like it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So I started fiddling around on the computer looking at all my photos, and came across some from Knotts Berry Farm in CA last summer, right before everything happened. I have a really good of WH sitting with the two gold miner plaster dudes or whatever they are (I think I had my pic taken with them when I was a wee tot.)

More tears... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Maybe God is working on making ME hit bottom for some reason, and I'm fighting it?

LL

LL,

Man, how down can things get in one person's life? I'm glad to see you being proactive about DD and letting go of your (imagined) responsibilities about WH's welfare.

if DD is placed in a group home, it will NOT be in her home city.
That's hard. I wouldn't get to see her very often. I'm terrified of losing her, or of her thinking I threw her out and disowning me.

I went through an ugly custody battle years ago, and my xH moved almost 1000 miles away, and for much of the year I didn't get to see my kids (joint custody, so six months here and six months there). It is VERY hard, and lonely, I know.

Regarding being terrified of losing her - I honestly think that if she DOESN'T get placed in custody somewhere outside your home, you will lose her. Placement would be temporary, until she's more stable, or of a certain age. The alternative would more likely be permanent.

She may try to disown you for a while, but as you've learned - you can't control what another person does. One day she'll realize how much you DID work for her, and she will appreciate it.

You said your worst fears are coming true - son in college, WH with OW, DD being placed in a treatment center or home. You automatically assumed that God is punishing you, or that you're supposed to hit bottom for some reason.

You have held that family together for so long, LL. Your son is going to college. He's a success in my book. You know yourself so well - you are a MUCH healthier and whole person than when you first came here.

Your DD and WH are on their own journeys right now. There really isn't anything more you can do than what you have already done. Think about it - what if they were going to be IN your house permanently? With their current chaos and problems that would drag you down, envelop you in their turmoil, chaos, and darkness? Isn't an empty house preferable to a house filled with what they would bring into it?

Isn't it possible that God has rewards in store for you? An opportunity may be just around the corner, and you would be free to accept it! You will have a peaceful home for the first time in .... how long, LL? You will have freedom to give yourself some of the love you've been pouring out for others. You would be stronger, more composed and "together" and even more capable of being whatever you aspire to be - whether that be for yourself, WH, or DD.

Change is sometimes good and sometimes hard, but in my experience it is always stressful - even the change that is good.

<small>[ July 02, 2004, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: turtlehead ]</small>

Today's update, not very positive:

DD came waltzing in the house at 1am like nothing was wrong. Cops have officially taken her off missing persons listing. I am still debating filing charges on the money theft, despite the cop's advice but am trying to contact the juvenile court to see how it's handled first.

She gave me back $3.71 and said she had to spend the rest on food for the house where she was staying.

She also said the cop she spoke with told her that she could find "alternate" living arrangements if she wanted, until I got my anger under control, since I threw the phone at her.

Huh? I threw it at the wall. And yes...WRONG...but I believe she IS the cause. And she thinks alternate living arrangements mean living with one of her friends.

---------------------------------------------
The even suckier news:

It IS true that both WH and I would have to support DD while in state custody. I am awaiting a call from an attorney to see if more light could be shed, but based on child support charts and assuming both of us are non-custodial parents and that the state's income is zero, my WH's child support amount wouldn't change much, but it will all go to the state or to DS's college.

In addition, because I make more than he does, I'd be responsible for paying over $500/month to the state to support my DD as well.

Okay, so if you take away child support from WH of $700/month for two children from me and give to the state and college, and then toss in another $500 from me to the state, that's $1,200 per month I'm down from what I'm living on right now.

Exactly HOW am I supposed to maintain a home for my DD to come back to??? I guess the state sees it as I sell my house, move to an effeciency apartment (not sure where DD or DS would come for visitation or holidays) until she's out of state's custody again, and then I rent a bigger a bigger apartment.

What do I do with DS during school breaks? His dorms aren't open then or during summer.

The state told me if she ends up in their care, the average time span is anywhere from 6 months to, well, when they turn 18. She's not quite 15.

If I sell my house, I'll take a huge hit because it needs work and the basement is 2x4's in the process of being finished. Not to mention, my two 80-lb dogs would most likely have to be put down. One is too agressive to be placed anywhere else, and the other is too scared of strangers. She'll either pee on their floor or might bite, too.

So, the only thing I thought I might have to keep me company this fall with everyone gone is now looking like it may be gone, too. I never dreamed the cost to support a child in state custody was so high to parents. I guess the people I know who have kids in the system don't have jobs, so they don't pay anything. My tax dollars support them.

Makes me want to give up my job. Heck, if I'm going to lose it all anyway, why not sit around for few months and let the government support my vacation??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am REALLY frustrated. I am sinking to that "it's not fair" level today. Why do other peoples' stupid choices have to blow everything I've worked so hard for.

And this also could have a serious impact on DS's school. His budget for next year only works if we are giving him $200/month in addition to his loan/CD/his work, etc. If one of us can't fund that $2,400, he's screwed, too.

He's trying not to act pi**ed at his sister, but I know he's seething. He stayed away longer than normal last night and doesn't have much to say.

I know, I have no choice. The ball is rolling. It just hurts really bad and I feel like God is far, far away and that it just is getting worse and worse.

LL

<small>[ July 02, 2004, 02:53 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Man, how down can things get in one person's life? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, that seems to be my question, too. I don't know many others personally who have this all going on at once.

Thus, I DO ask myself: What the heck am I doing wrong to screw things up like this?????

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As for trying to help WH:

I just called the 1-800 AA helpline and spoke with them about WH's situation. The woman I spoke with is going to have a guy try and call WH. No idea if WH will actually answer his cell, but I have made an attempt. Now I hope WH isn't angry with me for giving out his number to AA.

LL

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LL- I am proud of you. You've taken a step - taken action. Leave the results to God.

Even if WH is angry - so what? That will only confirm that that he does have a drinking problem. Many do get angry. My husband scared the crap out of me and he's always been a kind and gentle person. Our YS witnessed him coming off his chair one night after the intervention and getting right in my face, angrily shouting at me. I was whirling inside, but stayed calm on the outside and just re-iterated what I had just said that made him angry - no money. I stood my ground.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man, how down can things get in one person's life?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, that seems to be my question, too. I don't know many others personally who have this all going on at once.

Thus, I DO ask myself: What the heck am I doing wrong to screw things up like this?????

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LL, you are not alone, I have all kinds off stuff going on, I just handle it differently. The last few years have been a nightmare. Most people don't really understand. Dealing with an alcoholic is too much to handle without help then throw in teen problems, and money.... on and on.

At this point, I am further down the road than you are. What has helped me is to keep looking for solutions and ACT on them. I just have to ask God to show me what to do and how to look at this whole situation. If I didn't have prayer, my life would be so much worse.

LL, with God's help, you will get thru this. He will guide you, if you listen. All the answers are already there, you just have to uncover them.

At a seminar a few years ago, the speaker told us that our lives depended on how we played our cards. He then passed out a card that has one word on each side.

SITUATION

and on the other side


SOLUTION


He then said that we could only focus on one side at a time, which are we going to focus on?


LL, on a post a few pages back you said you were confused about going to plan b right now, I say one thing, another says something else. What does God say to do?

Here's my thoughts behind what I had to say about waiting to do plan B.

-Plan B is for you , not him. It's to hopefully save the love you have left for your husband

- He's reaching out for help. He's giving all the signs. He may or may not take it right now, but it plants a seed. And I believe in doing all you can to stop this disease.

-You can set your boundaries & tell him that he could only come home (or whatever ... see you, see the kids....) if he gets help.

-If you do plan b without working out the details first it will look like manipulation (per Steve Harley)

- You could do a modified plan b for now, not initiating any contact, keeping any contact short, sweet and to the point. That keeps the pressure off you.

- Send him a letter letting him know that you love him for who he is not what he is doing. That you want him to come home, you want him to restore your marriage. But that he's got to get help. Tie what ever it is, to getting help (of course only say those things if that is what you want.)

-That gives him some HOPE and right now, it looks like he doesn't have much hope.

-If you go to plan b with out telling him what he needs to do to restore your marriage, he may wander around in the desert for 40 years !!!!


You and Your family are in my prayers.

D.

<small>[ July 02, 2004, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

Right now my brain is swimming and I'm having a little trouble thinking clearly. I have exceeded what I think I can process for one day.

However, I am going to file charges on my daughter for the money theft when I get home. I feel like that's one of the coldest things a parent can do--file charges on their own child. But I also know she has to have consequences now or there's no hope. This one charge won't make a big difference, but it may add to my plea for help for her.

Also, the officer who has been very helpful from our police department did some more checking and says there's about a 99% likelihood that DD will NOT be fined for her crime but instead will be disciplined in some other way. (The fine was a hesitation because DD gets off free just like she did with her tobacco possession charge last fall and I get to pay the fine, and this time it would be paying more $ for $ that was stolen from me!)

It might end up as community service or something, but I'm hoping more along the lines of probation, with perhaps a probation officer she has to report to or something. She does have a prior record--tobacco possession and three runaway incidents since fall.

WH called to say he has someone going to look at our camper tonight. Lets hope that this is the start of some luck getting it sold. He's also asked me to print him off some more flyers, so I think he understands how necessary it is to make it happen fast.

Other than that, I just have to keep reminding myself that no matter how much I like my house (it's the first one of the 3 we've owned that I can really say I'm truly content in), and my dogs and all, that God doesn't have to give me all that. All I really need, as I told my mom, is a one-room shack with a dirt floor. I only need shelter. It doesn't have to come in the form of a nice suburban home.

It's just very hard for a sort-of materialistic person such as myself to accept that fact.

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ...she has to have consequences now or there's no hope. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Limits. Oh, yeah.

LL, do you have plans to get back to Alanon and/or IC? There's help and support in those places, you know.

Al-Anon--yes, truly do plan on getting back in. Just have been very busy and in my list of priorities, it is lower on the list. In Iowa, we don't have a lot of nice summer days, so I take full advantage of each one we have. I know all too soon it will be cold and dreary again (for me, it starts about September, because I'm cold-blooded and have no desire to be out when it's below 70 degrees!) At that point, working in the yard and all ceases and I should have plenty of time to attend my Sunday-night Al-Anon meetings among other things.

IC--no not yet. Money has been an issue. I know it's probably beneficial, but not beneficial enough to stress me out about the money I'm spending to do it. I am paying for DD's therapy already. I don't have a budget for two of us right now.

LL

LL, you may want to be proactive and find an investor who will offer to buy your house for market value, minus $5K for repairs in the basement.

If you wait thinking that things will get better, you'll lose any equity you have in the house. Move into an apartment you can afford. If daughter ends up sleeping in the laundry room on a tatami mat, it serves her right. She doesn't understand the gravity of the situation right now. And you can't stop it from hitting her hard. All you can do is prevent yourself from being so decimated by waiting for things to get better, so that you can be a lighthouse for her to come HOME to once she gets straightened out.

It would be a good idea for you to journal. Someday this wild child is going to have a child or two of her own and she may be humble enough to ask for help once she realizes life has pain in store for her because of HER choices.

If you wait thinking that things will get better, you'll lose any equity you have in the house.

OK, I know this is probably a really dumb question (but remember, I'm beyond processing anything logically today)...How will I lose what equity I have if I wait? Because my house is only 6 years old, it's still appreciating in value fairly rapidly.

The problem with the basement is not that it needs repaired, per se, but that we started to finish it, laid a special subfloor, had a 3/4 bath partially finished (plumbing is run and shower is set but walls are 2x4 and nothing else is there), and framed off one side with 2x4's and then things fell apart. We were looking at another $5-10K to finish it ourselves. If it was contracted done, it'd probably be closer to $15K.

And then the house needs the usual--interior paint touch-ups, carpet, new kitchen sink, kids tub needs bleached somehow to get DD's purple hair dye out of it, etc. It's been lived in hard for 6 years.

I'm just so torn. I feel like my list goes like this: Lose H, lose son (good loss--college), lose daughter, lose home you love, lose pets, and move into icky apartment with outdated cabinets, mildewed grout and stark-white walls. Unless I rented a relatively new one, that's how they all are.

And relatively new puts me right back to what I'm paying on my house.
==========================================

Okay, you guys don't know me so I can disclose this: I bring home about $3,250/month after taxes, health insurance, and what I have withheld for DD's orthodontia. This isn't a bad salary, all told, for a person with an AA degree. Also, I've been getting $700/month from WH for child support. This pays my bills including a house payment of $1,120/month and a home equity loan of $220/month.

So if the camper is sold, the home equity is being paid off. Okay, a $220/month savings. But if WH quits paying me his support and I have to pay the state an additional $500-$600/month, I am now short $1,100 by my calculations.

Sure, there are things I can cut, and having no one in the house but myself would cut down on groceries and some utilities. I'm still coming up short by $350/month even with a pretty tight budget (oh, and assuming I refinanced from a 20-yr loan to a 30-yr loan on the house).

But here's the problem: If my house payment is only $1120 now (and probably right at $1,000 if I refinance), I really don't gain much by going to an apartment.

To rent a half-decent (complete with the mildewed grout) 2-bedroom without a garage in my suburbs (and no, I won't move to another side of town--NOT at home anywhere else), I'm looking at an absolute minimum of $650-675 and that's scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Factor in the income tax impact of losing my mortgage interest deduction and my property tax deduction (both for federal and Iowa income taxes) and we're talking about a tax impact of close to $200/month that I'd need to have withheld in addition to what is coming out right now.

Okay, that puts my net rent cost up to $875. Compare that to the $1,000 I'd be paying if I refinance and you see my dilemma.

BTW, I currently have no car payment (and am praying that my '98 Pontiac with 88,000 miles holds out for another 4 years!)

But I can't seem to make it work.

(FYI: WH is paying $650/month for a 1-bedroom nearer downtown, in an OLD apartment complex with radiator hot-water heat, etc--but it's "artsy-fartsy" apparently.)

So what the heck am I doing wrong here? Anyone with financial expertise and half-a-brain feel free to chime in.

LL

I've coached people on how to dig out from debt, near bankruptcy and helped them avoid foreclosure.... IF they are willing to take action proactively instead of waiting for the ax to hit them.

e-mail me, if you'd like.

edit

LL, from the figure you gave, I don't see any problem:

income after tax: $3250
Wh's pay: 700
Total: 3950

Expenses:
Mortage: 1120
Equity loan: 220
Utility: 300
Bills: 300
Grocery&gas: 500
Misc: 300
Total: $2720

Net: $1230

Unless I miss something and didn't put the expense high enough.

LNH,

I know I wrote everything in a mixed-up paragraph so it's hard to decipher (sort of like everything in my brain is at the moment). A couple changes:

WH's $700 will go away if daughter goes to state custody. Part of it is actually support for son which will go to college. The rest will go to state for DD. In addition, I will be paying $600 to state (this is a BIG estimate--won't know for sure unless/until it happens--might be off a couple hundred.)

But then, if the camper is sold as it is supposed to be, the home equity loan of $220 goes away as well.

$3200 - mine
($600) - to state
$2,600 - net

$1120 - mortgage (could reduce by $100+ if refin)
$300 - utilities
$325 - grocery/food out (assuming just me at home)
$200 - gas/auto ins
$150 - savings (to cover unexpected--car/home rprs)
$225 - church
$50 - credit card debt

$230 left for dog/cat supplies, doctor, meds, clothes, auto service, haircuts/color, household/personal items, and miscellaneous recreation. I don't see that happening.

I know, I could cut what I have down for giving to the church, but I feel like if I take everything away from God, I'm telling him my things are more important than he is.

KaylaAndy, I may be emailing you, too. It's frustrating--I'm an accountant. I do money for a living. I can see what I spend and my patterns, I just can't seem to follow a budget that will work.

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PS...DD left yesterday (of course) before I got home from work. Left a phone message, "Hi mom, I'm with Katie. I'm probably staying the night. Will call later."

No call...no show...

And no call from WH, so assume he didn't sell the camper.

LL