Just returned from our annual cul-de-sac party. This is the first year I've gone alone in the 6 years we've lived here. Weird....and hard, because EVERYONE else had a spouse or significant other. But I went anyway, and I had a nice time.

Yes, they asked questions about my WH and my daughter. And I answered them. I shared my concerns about the possibility that I might have to sell the house with a few of the ladies I play Bunco with. One started to get tears as she said "We don't want you to move!".

I guess maybe people actually do think I'm okay. I always just feel like a pain in peoples' rears. I almost didn't go tonight.

Drank 3 hard lemonades. Could have stopped at 2. Now I feel guilty because I can actually feel it a little, and here I have a WH who is an alcoholic who I'm saying can't drink. (Okay, so my last drink was probably 2 months ago and before that, another 2 or 3 months.) But still...

And I come home to find that DD has left no more messages since last night when the one she left said she was staying the night with Katie (?).

So I called the cell # I had for Katie. DD not with her anymore. Dropped her off in a grocery store parking lot this morning where another guy friend of hers was.

Great! So I sort of gave this girl a polite earfull about how she is not to drop my 14-yr-old DD off anywhere but home.

Then I called the cell # of another friend of DD's who she's been with lately. He said he's also on the hunt for her. But he did say if he finds her he'll have her call me.

I'm actually more than a bit worried. I could have believed all day that she's with someone and in fact she could have ended up in some kind of harm. But what do I do? File yet another missing person's report? By the time a detective takes the case, she may have shown up again.

I am really frustrated because I can do nothing.

WH left 2 texts today. First said if DD goes to state custody, he won't be able to make it (I think he's referring to his support situation, since they'll deduct straight from his paycheck and there'll be no ability to "float" like he does with me sometimes.)

Second said that everyone at his place came down with colds so they're all laying around doing nothing. Oh boo-hoo....

I text'd back that his support shouldn't change much and that his DD is gone and I haven't heard from her since last evening. He sent back that he wants to do what he can to help and that he doesn't want me to lose the house.

I simply am at my wits end right now. And feeling guilty because I was sitting and yacking and drinking and munching now my DD is still nowhere to be found. (I assumed that there would be a message on my phone.)

What do I do?

LL

Gosh LL, sorry to see all that has happened in the last couple of days. I don't have any ideas. I think I would just calmly tell your daughter that she is going to have to go into foster care because of her uncontrollable behavior.

Or maybe you could call up one of the talk shows, and have her sent to teen bootcamp. I don't know, but things just have to get better.

Right now I can't tell my daughter anything because she isn't here, and I'm starting to worry about where she is. I've heard nothing yet since I spoke to her guy friend who was also looking for her.

Now I am worried that she might really be in trouble, and I have no idea where she is, so I can't even go to the police.

It is scary. I keep thinking that things will get better. They actually were much better right before school got out, and now they've fallen completely apart. I'm worried about her. I feel guilty because I can't keep her here, and because our family is all broken apart.

LL

What is the WS doing to find his daughter?

L.

one very important thing you ought to know, ll. the coldest thing a parent can do to their child is not to file charges on them, but to simply ignore the problem and allow the child to think they are immune to consequences.

you did not force your child to steal, you did not force her to stay out for days on end, those were her choices, and nobody but her is responsible for making them. any results of those actions are therefore totally on her.

i know it seems harsh now, but even going to jail for a few months isn't as bad as being killed while out frolicking, getting pregnant and having to become a mom while still a child, or any one of a dozen horrible things that can happen to little girls that think it's okay to disrespect the rules their mom's have set.

i think you need help with her, right away. and i say this as a former wild child, and forever teenage mom myself. as hard as it may be to consider, you may be left with no choice but foster care, if only so that she sees it's not a game! is there any way for you to get in touch with the parents of these kids? maybe the police can get you addresses to go with the names you have?

Orchid,

What is the WS doing to find his daughter?

Uh....????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


To all:

I have located DD. She's at boyfriend/ex-boyfriend's(?) house. She is maintaining that I kicked here out and thus she is there. I do have an address and may go pick her up later today. I'm hesitant about how to handle this because I don't want her to run AGAIN! or FURTHER!!

As I mentioned earlier, after calling and getting some fairly helpful and straightforward info last night, I was going to call boyfriend's house today.

Called after church. Got his mom. Asked for DD. She got on the phone--cocky as usual--and when I asked when she was coming home, proceeded to tell me that I kicked her out. (Lesson learned: NEVER say something in anger that you don't mean. It'll stick forever. She's even planning on telling the cops. I told her if she'd come home, I'd take her to the police station so she can talk to them.)

So, DD is at the house of jerk-guy she lost her virginity to, where the mother makes her drinks, shares smokes with her, and they sit around and shoot the bull together.

If I go get her as opposed to letting her come home on her own, she's likely to bolt again as soon as I turn my back and make it even more difficult to find her.

Suggestions?

LL

Suggestion: Have her father go get her. Let him deal with it. It may sound like the most irrational thing but you said that with her current cocky attitude, she will not appreciate you going to get her.

This is a hard one to deal with LL. I really feel for you on this one. Sending the WS to go get his daughter maybe a tough love stance which could benefit both. The benefit is that they could both see the err of their ways or at least see 1 of the errs. It will give them a lasting impression of reality without putting you in the middle of it.

JMHO,
L.

have the police go get her. and ask them to warn this mother about the consequences of sheltering a runaway...

I liked the idea of WH doing something toward parenting like chasing after his daughter, but didn't figure there was much hope. What the heck--text messaged him anyway when he asked if he should talk to her and said that it was worth a try and would he like to go and find her?

I was informed that he had a BBQ that he had to be at in a couple hours.

Yep, that's what I expected. But of course being the "good" father, he text'd me from the BBQ and asked if I'd heard from her again or if she'd shown up and when I said "no", he sent another message telling me to tell her that he wants to "F**KING" talk to her (yes, he takes the time to actually type that word into his phone...).

So I ignored him and made my son drop me off at our neighborhood fireworks display--I didn't want to fight traffic and park. It was very good this year (even better if car alarms weren't going off every 30 seconds behind me). And I ran into the friend who my son is going to room with in college this fall, and he and his GF offered me a ride back to my house. So it worked out really well.

Still no more msgs from DD when I got home, so I just called over to where she's staying. She answered--very curt with me. Says she's not coming home yet and that if I'm on my way to get her, she'll leave and go somewhere else. Told her I'm here at the computer.

I hadn't turned her in this time for running away, but if she doesn't come home by tomorrow, I WILL get the cops involved and have them make a surprise visit.

Her boyfriend's mother sounds like a complete lunatic, and of course Kait loves her. The mother fixes her drinks because mom's an alcoholic, and they drink together.

Which brings back memories of WH's mom who always bought me my weekend bottle of cheap wine and WH his beer when we were dating, and gave us the house to ourselves so that we would stay off the streets. In her eyes, that kept us safe. Loved it at the time. I now look back and realize how wrong it was. But I understand from DD's perspective how great she probably thinks it is, too, and how straightlaced I must seem in comparison.

LL

<small>[ March 17, 2005, 04:48 AM: Message edited by: Lady_In_Red ]</small>

LL, thinking of you. You are in my prayers.

Lady-in-Red,

You are right that my anger is a problem. However, I know my thread is long so wanted to fill you in on a little that you may have missed.

I DID, in anger, tell DD to get out. But before she even left the first time, I told her I was sorry, that I didn't mean it.

The first time she left (when I called the police and turned her in), she originally left with a friend with my permission and instructions to be home by 9pm, that I was giving her another attempt to earn my trust. She chose not to come home, but instead to end up at yet another friend's house with $180 of mine, and told them I kicked her out.

FInally, she came home. Police took her off the runaway list. I went to work on Friday. Told her to please not go anywhere.

She left again. This time she's with her on-again-off-again boyfriend and his dysfunctional parents. Again, she says I kicked her out. I've told her several times on the phone I want her to come home to no avail.

And about anger: Yes, I have a very volatile temper. But it is SOOOO much better than it was 5 or 10 years ago. I have, to my recollection, had only two major blow ups since WH moved out. One was on the phone to one of his friends. It was ugly. The other was this one.

Other than that, I've gotten angry, raised my voice, had words, cried out of frustration...yes. But no major outbursts.

Al-Anon: It really isn't that I don't want to go, but is that it's lower on my priority list than other things right now. I hate winter and most of spring and a little of fall here because it's cold and I almost can't function in the cold. I get up, go to work, and then come home and wrap up in a blanket and do nothing.

So now that it's summer and I have about 3 months that the weather is really nice, I'm going to enjoy every bit of my weekends and days off. My weekdays, because of my work hours, leave little time for anything. So weekends are when it's all got to be done. And right now I'm not going to blow away 2 hours of daylight on a Sunday night talking with people in a chilly church basement when I can be out enjoying the sunshine.

Once it starts getting dark sooner, I'm back at it again. Actually, I feel like I have a lot on common except that my alcoholic is no longer with me and is with someone else instead.

-----------------------------------------------

I was reading a lot on divorce and Christians again last night and again have come to to the concusion that it appears remarriage is never permitted for a Christian, even if infidelity is involved. First, I've read alot about how the statement about infidelity only shows up in Matthew, and how Jesus was talking to Jews in that one, and how Jews have an engagement period of sorts before marriage and that he was referring to finding out the woman had been unfaithful at that time. So he may not have been actually speaking of once a person is "married". Paul, in his writings, and the other gospels don't mention infidelity. They just say "NO DIVORCE".

Also, even if D is permitted (according to Matthew), it really doesn't speak of remarriage, so remarriage must not be permitted anyway.

So here I've been thinking, "Okay, I'm really lonely, but this will pass. Either WH will come home (unlikely) or I will find another Christian someday and be married again."

Now I'm thinking I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life (and at 38, that's a really hard pill to swallow. I want SO much just to have someone to roll over next to and to hold me at night!).

WH is WAY past the 6 months in the light of day that it's supposed to take an A to end. And he just keeps getting deeper and deeper in his. Not looking like one of the success stories to me. He should be breaking away by now, NOT moving her in with him.

I know there are people who are single who have never married who are probably lonely, too. We have a couple of them in our church. But they still have the option of dating, of companionship, and of M if the right person comes along. There is still hope.

I'm stuck. It's WH (who is gone) or no one.

I feel really beaten down right now. I could REALLY use a husband to hold me and comfort me. Haven't cried much for months, and now this week it's about all I've done.

I was so strong (or so I thought) and now I'm ready to give up. If I weren't a Christian who believed suicide was totally wrong, it would be easier just to drive myself off in a lake or something.

LL

Dear LL,

I'm sorry if I missed something in reading your thread - I do try to keep up with your thread, but sometimes, it's true - a lot happens in your life in a short time. So I'm saying I'm sorry that I missed where you apologized to your daughter and made it clear that you were not kicking her out.

The trouble with teenagers, even the ones who are not having serious problems, is that they have selective hearing! It sounds like you have backtracked as far as you can and have done your best to repair the damage. That's all you can do at this point. I can appreciate how tough it is.

Also, I am glad to hear you admit that you have an anger problem. Like I shared with you, I know how that feels myself.

But I am going to say it again. You need to do more to address your own problems. You are still putting Al-anon at the very bottom of your priority list. Sorry. I do NOT buy this. I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and if I chose to, I could also spend the winter hiding under a blanket. I have already suggested to you that you seek help for this and you have not looked into it - you need to prepare NOW for the coming winter by getting yourself a lightbox, or going to your doctor and at least trying to talk to him about it - there is plenty of information out about SAD now and a lot more help available in Northern California than there is here in the UK. As it is, all I hear you telling me is that when the winter comes, you don't feel like doing anything. Tell me, LL - when the winter comes and you are hiding under your blanket, are you going to feel like spending two hours in a cold cellar, talking to people you don't know? No, you are not. You are going to feel like it even less than you do now. So what are you going to do then? You are going to continue to wallow in your misery and say "I don't feel like it", unless you pick yourself up off the floor and walk into an Al-anon meeting tomorrow, and get in the habit of going, summer or winter, because getting well is important to YOU. How can you expect your H to go to AA when you won't go to Al-anon, even when your daughter is crying out for you to change?

Lets get something straight - I fully realize that you love your daughter more than you love life, and more than you love yourself. You have got to knock feeling sorry for yourself off the top of your priority list and make getting yourself together at the top of your priority list, for the sake of your daughter. She didn't get into the state she is in today overnight, because of your "one blow up this year" - she got that way because of many things that happened between you and H over many years. Yes, you have come a long way this last year, but you are not there yet. This blow-up you had is evidence that you STILL have an anger problem that is having a bad impact on your daughter. She has lost respect for you. She might start taking notice of you again, if you start going to Al-anon and sign yourself up for an anger management course. That would be a start.

I am sorry that you seem determined to box yourself into a corner on the divorce question. We are from different denominations, I gather - I am Catholic and as you all know, divorce is anathema to Catholics. However, our church recognizes marriage as a state where both parties uphold the sanctity of the other person in a relationship of mutual respect. From what I gather of the state of your marriage, almost from the beginning, our church would not consider you to even be in a valid marriage. A marriage where one partner habitually abuses the other through infidelity and abuse is not considered a valid marriage and there are solid grounds for annullment. God does not require you to be yoked to an abusive partner for the rest of your life. In my view, and I realize this is my view, and I can't speak for you - but this is a yoke of your own choosing.

I really am sorry that you are feeling so low - I can understand how and why you are feeling so low, but suicide is not the answer. If you are really feeling that low, please call someone. Otherwise, don't indulge yourself by saying things like that. It's very hurtful to people like me who have lost loved ones to suicide.

LIR

My dear LL,

First of all I'd like to send you a cyber hug. The days when I felt similar to you a very kind MB asked me to do a simple exercise. Please try now:

Put your left arm over your right shoulder and now your right arm over your left shoulder. Now squeeze. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> There you have just received a cyber hug from me to you. Use it whenever you feel down and lonely. Of course you may want to do it when alone beause doing it in public may give you some funny stares. LOL!!! Now I would like to address a few things you posted about earlier.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> LL: The first time she left (when I called the police and turned her in), she originally left with a friend with my permission and instructions to be home by 9pm, that I was giving her another attempt to earn my trust. She chose not to come home, but instead to end up at yet another friend's house with $180 of mine, and told them I kicked her out....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Can you get someone to retrieve the $$? Maybe your son? Your daughter needs to be out there, without any benefit of $$. It w/b good to define and use a support system for your daughter. It c/b same or a little different than the one for your H. Your H & son s/b part of the support system for your daughter. Also if that woman she is with is giving alcohol to a minor, that is an offense that you should report to the police. Another type of abuse, just colored differently.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> LL: I was reading a lot on divorce and Christians again last night and again have come to to the concusion that it appears remarriage is never permitted for a Christian, even if infidelity is involved. First, I've read alot about how the statement about infidelity only shows up in Matthew, and how Jesus was talking to Jews in that one, and how Jews have an engagement period of sorts before marriage and that he was referring to finding out the woman had been unfaithful at that time. So he may not have been actually speaking of once a person is "married". Paul, in his writings, and the other gospels don't mention infidelity. They just say "NO DIVORCE".

Also, even if D is permitted (according to Matthew), it really doesn't speak of remarriage, so remarriage must not be permitted anyway. ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Please read that scripture again: Matt 19: 9 says: "....whoever divorces his wife, EXCEPT on the ground of fornication, and married another commits adultery." In other words divorce for any other reason than infidelity and then the erring party marrying again, then the erring party is committin adultery. Once adultery has been committed, the wronged partner is then free to marry and does NOT commit adultery. Your H has already committed adultery. He has scripturally set you free from the M. However, if you take him back into the M, then it is a sign you have forgiven him. Divorce at that time without him ocmmiting further acts of fornication w/b adultery on your part.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> LL: So here I've been thinking, "Okay, I'm really lonely, but this will pass. Either WH will come home (unlikely) or I will find another Christian someday and be married again."

Now I'm thinking I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life (and at 38, that's a really hard pill to swallow. ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: You are young and have already been scripturally set free. The legal aspects are now at issue. So you really need to think hard if you really want him back as he is or require he prove to you he is worthy of coming back into your family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>LL: I want SO much just to have someone to roll over next to and to hold me at night!). ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Your feelings are totally understandable. You can imagine how any parent feels knowing their child is being abused in such a way. God is also hurt by the WS' actions against you. This is not a light thing with God either.

LL, you deserve to be loved. Right now, that type of love is not within your grasp. So what to do? Work on what is within your grasp and know that the current trials in front of you are survivable.

I had to find my love and support from those around me. My child, pets, friends, prayer, attending Christian meetings, reading, doing kind acts for others, lots of posting here, keeping busy at doing the right thing, etc. It helped. In fact, I was learning life existed beyond my H's presence. I knew it but my heart wouldn't let me feel it. When my mind and heart got into sync, it helped. Moving forward was then a possiblity. Try it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> LL: WH is WAY past the 6 months in the light of day that it's supposed to take an A to end. And he just keeps getting deeper and deeper in his. Not looking like one of the success stories to me. He should be breaking away by now, NOT moving her in with him. .</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: I am not sure where you got the 6 month mark. The A has no fixed end date. My Ws' went on for 3 years with PBR. She is a nut case. As you read on these boards some go even longer. The point is what you do about it. 6 months is an average time for a BS to do a good plan A. Even that c/b too long. But the time it takes for the WS to hit bottom and face reality? Most cases takes much longer.

Don't be locked into a time frame. Recognize and work on your accomplishments.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> LL: I'm stuck. It's WH (who is gone) or no one. ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Not true. If it was, we'd all be depressed, just like you. Now get out of that funk. Ok?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> LL: I feel really beaten down right now. I could REALLY use a husband to hold me and comfort me. Haven't cried much for months, and now this week it's about all I've done. ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: I know hon. Been there done that. At this time, wishing for this is a hurtful thing. Cry if you need, it helps clean out the anxiety.
However, eventually you will to do more than cry. When you are ready for that, let us know and you will start to see results. Believe it or not, I feel you are at a turning point. Your mind and body can only take sooo much stress from your heart. The syncing in of your mind and body is coming soon. It has to, you are getting way too tired.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> LL: I was so strong (or so I thought) and now I'm ready to give up. If I weren't a Christian who believed suicide was totally wrong, it would be easier just to drive myself off in a lake or something. ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: You are stronger than you realize or feel at this time. Suicide is never the answer though most do entertain these dangerous thoughts. I know I did. Love of life, our families and God are good preventatives. Even if all left us, God will not. Remember that.

Hope this helps.

take care, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

<small>[ July 05, 2004, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

LIR and Orchid,

Thanks both for responding and caring. I really am in a funk lately. Maybe it's the holiday weekend over here and everyone doing the family BBQ thing and my being alone.

As for DD and $$: It's gone. She spent it during her away days last week. Brought me $3 and change. I have filed a police report but she doesn't know yet. They won't haul her in. They may do probation. They may do community service. They may do nothing.

The lightbox: I did a lot of research right after they were mentioned (they're expensive things!) and then got sidetracked and totally forgot about them until you just brought them up again today.

WH and D and remarriage: Yes, beating myself up over this one. BTW, denomination is Southern Baptist. It't not their fault. They believe you are released from the M if infidelity happens and you choose to leave. I just take a much stronger stance for some reason on everything, it seems. I find the hard-line ideas and even if only 10% of Christians believe that way (an arbitrary figure), I end up taking that side.

I was doing so well in May and even most of June. Things sort of fell apart right at the very end and I feel like I'm becoming depressed again, even on the Lexapro. I know it's because of everything that's happening with WH moving OW in with him and with DD's issues. I feel like I got the wind knocked out of me.

As for suicide, my WH lost a friend that way in highschool. I still remember him crying after going to the kid's visitation. I know it's wrong. I know it hurts families. I would be lying if I said I hadn't entertained thoughts and thought of ways. But as long as I maintain some sort of sanity, I believe I am safe, and if I get too focused on thoughts such as those, I will seek help. It's not that I feel everyone would be better off without me. It's just sometimes I feel like I can't take one minute more of this.

But I have to force myself to look back and realize that it's been going downhill since October, and I'm still hanging in there. If have maintained sanity for 9 months, I can hopefully do it for 9 more months if necessary.

As for where the 6 months in an A figure came from, it's from the book, SAA. And for some reason, after not really missing WH for a while, I'm REALLY missing him today so am very focused on what I've lost or am losing.

LL

LL, are you ok? I almost never post, but I've been following your story ... I can soo relate to the problems you are having with your D, I've been there and I know how it feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation...it's heartbreaking...

just wanted to bump this up in case you had an update....hope everything is ok

Thanks for asking. I'm still hanging in there. I've been laying low because I didn't have much to report and figured people were tired of me and needed a break.

Daughter is finally home tonight. It took having the cops go bring her here. She was VERY angry with me for involving them. And the mother where she was staying must be stupid. Daughter has spoken with her after getting here and the mom told her she cried for hours after DD left, and that she didn't understand why I was so angry about her being gone, since I knew where she was.

How about SHE DIDN'T HAVE MY PERMISSION TO LIVE WITH BOYFRIEND'S FAMILY???! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WH texted me a few times tonight. He's having a bad day with OW. Can we all say "Awwwww, that's a shame..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The previous renter's cable was shut off today so they lost their free cable, so he's testy. She's mad and not speaking to him because he wants to sleep on the sofa and not in the bed (hey, that sofa always did sleep GREAT even if my new leather one looks a whole lot better!).

And he's cranky because OW has only given him $50 so far toward rent and nothing toward the deposit or the restitution he paid to get her driver's license back.

I shouldn't have responded at all, but just said I had no advice and then changed the subject and told him a little about DD. Now I'm ignoring him.

Two selfish people trying to live together. Grumpy already and it's only been a week tomorrow since they "officially" shacked up together.

A bit of brighter news: DD's therapis thinks that chances are good that the state may try to offer some in-home services before they get to the point of placing her in a group institution. That may stall things by 3-6 months, at which point she'll be back in school where she seems to do a little better.

But then again I was told 6 months ago to not concern myself with her being taken from our home, that it would probably never happen. Now it's much more a possibility. So I count on nothing and try to prepare for everything.

I'm exhausted. My heart arrhythmias were acting up today. Not sure if they're causing me to sleep poorly which is making me really fatigued, or if my emotional stress and fatigue is causing the arrhythmias. I let them frighten me, especially when they sometimes make me feel for a split second like I'm going to faint, but after having them off and on for a number of years, I'm still kickin' so odds are in my favor.

LL

Lordslady -

Hang in there - it does get better. I promise. I have been going through this for 16 long months. Believe me, if things don't work out with WH, I'm still going to have a happy life. You can too.

LL, i'll share this card w/you today. i bought it more for myself versus to send anyone but it's very good.

the scene on the front of the card is one which you would probably see in the movie "the 10 commandments." w/some mountains and hills, some plains, trees, a river and a road w/a small picture of a shepherd w/some sheep (you can barely see them) the saying on the front of the card is "finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that...you may be able to stand your ground..." Ephesians 6:10,11,13

inside the card "when we're faced w/life's stuggles, sometimes it feels like we're all alone...like no one cares. I care about you and what you're going through, and there's someone who cares even more." "God is your strength, helping you in any struggle you face...your protector, surrounding you w/His peace...your shield, equipping you w/the truth of His Word. I hope it comforts you to know that He is w/you every step of the way. You're in my thoughts and prayers."


So i guess you can consider this a cyber card sent to you. prayers to you, RR

LL, I know how incredibly stressful dealing with a rebellious teen can be...they are too young to make good decisions and too old for you to physically prevent from making them. You just have to remember that there is not a thing wrong with you expecting your D to follow rules and treat you with respect. I am with you on the 'getting the state involved' thing...don't trust them enough to fix problems in my child that I can't and from what I've seen, once you turn her over to them, you're pretty much helpless on what they do with her.

I know why you are holding out on that as a last resort...but I also know that after awhile the stress of dealing with this 24/7 will wear you down...you have to keep on top of taking care of yourself too. I don't know if anyone suggested a boot camp for teens, but I've heard wonderful things about some of them.

I don't have any solid advice as I have a 16 year old daughter who has given me my share of what you're getting now, not so much the 'running away', but she has been involved with an emotionally/sometimes physically abused boy (18) for quite a while now..we've gone through the break up..get back together and sneak around with him..break up again...etc...right now they are 'on' and for the life of me, i have just run out of 'heart' trying to keep her safe from him. I've put it in God's hands and I feel so much better for it.

I was wondering if your WH worked during the day? If not, why not have him stay at the house while you're at work to keep an eye on your D so she can't just leave at will while you're gone? It really is time for him to step up and give you a hand with this issue....does he realize that if D keeps on this path, she is going nowhere good?.and fast!...It's not fair that you have to do this all alone, he's just as responsible..

..Good Luck and God Bless..