me and my H have been through a lot this last year but in everything i have never called the OW even though many have told me i should etc. i'm pretty sure that she thinks hes leaving me. i knokw they started as freinds she knew i was pregent when they started there EA me and him seperated for awhile and i belive he told her hes just back here for the kids or to help me out ETC.

after the big thing that happend this weekend i was really tempted to call her, he really does not want me to call her and i know he'd be so angery and maybe even leave if i called. as of now i have not called i did tell him if i find any more contact between the two fo them i am calling her no matter what. I was just wondering if most people do call the ow ? is it benefical ? harmful? i have a feeling if i called he would not want to work on the marraige b/c she'd know all his lies and he'd be embaressed etc. thanks for reading!

What is it you expect to gain by contacting OW? I have contacted OM only once. That is when I first found out about A. I sent him a text message saying I knew what was going on and it was wrong. That I loved my W and wanted to save our M. That he should stop contact with W forever. It of course wouldn't stop OM but maybe it put some unpleasantries into any conversations they might have afterwards. This was my only contact I had with OM and my reason was to try to stop A.

Hi there Mylife25 i just joined this forum so i am really new but on your topic calling the OW that is something that i have done and it seemed to do nohing for me.

She is still with him and sometimes i regret calling her cause than it made me look like she was really bother me, which she was and is but i would have preferred that she didn't know.

I think that it all depends on who the OW is and what kind of values she has. Maybe if she is one with any kind of values she will leave him when she finds out that he is still with you.

I think that smoe men lie to the OW and tell them that their M is over and so by letting her know that you are still toghter sometimes ends the A.

Some women however like the one who is destroying my M has no values and does not care who she hurts she said as much to me when i spoke to her she said that she point blank won't leave.

The Ss do get angry when you call the OW and in my opinion at least for my situation callng the other woman is a LB so i will try not to do it agin and it really does nothing for us cause she won't leave him.

I hope i was of some help

Keep strong
Sindy

I wrote the OM a letter, telling him that I was aware, and that I wanted to save my M, etc. etc. He gave the letter to my WW. She was pretty angry, but seemed to get over it; threatened to file the 'official' separation paperwork (we're 'unofficially' separated now), but never did.

Nothing really changed. It's just something that I did, in an effort to not leave any stone uncovered.

I dont know if or what i would like to accomplish by contacting her I just feel that she doenst know the truth about our situation and maybe if she knew he was playing her she'd be mad. like if she knew he throws away the gifts shes bought him (hundreds of dollars worth) and our kids. maybe it wont really accomplish that at all i'm not sure.

Hello Mylife....

I had contact with the OW several times and at first I was very prone to believe what she told me over what my H told me. Only because she was just so willing to share everything. Of course I asked my H about things that were discussed between her and I and of course it boiled down to he said, she said.

Well I finally got a slap in the face when she called my H at work and he confronted her on some of the things she had told me, and her response was, I never said that, we never talked about anything like that. She was lying her [censored] off to me the whole time or really exaggerating what happened.

Believe me if the OW is still in awwwww of your H, she will do and say anything to drive that wedge further between you two. If I could go back I would not have talked to her. I sit here now and wonder why I would listen to what this woman was telling me because those are the things that you dwell on. I believe my H now because he has been very straight with me and she showed me that she was nothing but a lying deceitful tramp.

So don’t call her it will get you know where especially if she has an agenda, she has no reason to tell you the truth!

Hang in there!