Hi Everyone,

I havent really posted alot lately because my situation basically was the same. Most of it you can tell from my sig line. Please feel free to ask any questions.

Here's what I need help with. WH and I had been fighting almost continously the past couple of months.(I know my fault this has gone on entirely too long) Well 2 weeks ago he went out on Saturday nite and all day Sun, basically he has been doing this every other weekend to us since about October. He then texted me on Sun nite and asked to come home. I told him this was the last time he was going to treat us like this. So in his eyes he is basically not living here anymore. I can not Plan B because we run a business together and right now we are trying to get a bankruptcy confirmed and we are both working our tails off so we dont lose everything.
I see him in the morning and then he comes here in the afternoon after work and stays here until he has to leave for work again a few hours later. At nite he goes to a friends house where he has been staying. You see the only difference in our life right now is that he doesnt come home at nite. I dont know how to deal with this and also maintain our business which is a priority right now. the business is basically ran from our home.

Just to let you know, WH is in contact with 2OW. He has always maintained "our problems" have nothing to do with them. I agreed. But has been with them the whole time. He also has always said to me "its not a choice between either of them and you." What is so frustrating is we have identified some pre-A issues and have been trying to work on them together. Basically he can not committ to this M because he just doesnt have the strenght and says to me what will it take for me to see "it" just doesnt work anymore.

I really dont know how to be around him. I have tried to detach myself from him and did a good job the 1st week. WH texted me every night last week saying how awful this is, how lonely he is, how much he misses me....I really tried not to respond and if I did I did so detached.

WH keeps telling me "we will get no where if I shut down and dont talk to him." To me nothing has changed except he doesnt sleep here at nite. I am not sure I even know where we are trying to get. All I know is this is still so painful. I am so angry right now. I keep trying to write WH a letter but cant seem to get my thoughts on paper.

Wish I could totally Plan B him. I know it would do wonders for me and I know WH would cave in a short time.

Any advice and I know I will get some major 2x4's..hey thats okay but I relly need some advice and support right now.


Thanks

Lisa

Lisa, you really can't force him to quit anything and as it is right now, he has no motivation TO quit. He has a great set up where can get his Lisa fix, his home fix, keep his business and have all his girlfriends.

Who would give that up?

I fear you may have to make changes in your business if you want to save your marriage. Unless you are willing to go into Plan B, it looks like it is headed for divorce. Unless you are willing to live like this forever, of course. Are you willing to live like this forever?

On the other hand, you will have to alter your business for a divorce. Why not do it for a productive reason instead, i.e: a Plan B that may save your marriage?

Unfortunately, hard situations require hard choices and sacrifices.

ML,

Thank you for your response. To answer your question no I am not willing to live like this forever. I dont want to for another single day. I could make some changes in the business, by removing myself (fyi-business is in my name) from it, but then I would have to pay someone to do what I would do. That is viturally impossible right now given our dire financial state. We are also under a microscope when it comes to our business and finances because of the bankruptcy. It is in jeporady of getting dismissed.

I am trying to come up with some type of plan with the way things are right now. Not a long term plan just something until I can get thru this bankruptcy. Any suggestions. How should I be around him? My heart tells me one thing and my head says another. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Thanks


Lisa

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Please some responses <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Lisa - I don't know if there are any words here that are going to be what you want to here.

MEL kind of spelled it out for you .

YOU do know I can relate to the not total PLAN B thing ,,,, but man this BOY is palying you .

YOU do see that don't you , ? YOu need to stand up to him , he knows hes got ya where he wants you ,,, telling you if you shut down on him it can't work ,,,, yet he tells you it won;t work anyway .

He is lost and confused and acting like a spoiled child and is bringing down with him .

HOW to act when he is around ,,I don't know I would act as a matter a fact attitude .

Buiness and walk away , also is there some way you can work your time then leave and have him do his time ???

work like workers in shifts not togehter .

not side by side .

Or separate it in to 2 offices .

anything ? REALLY think about this , when you detaech he comes a texting ... so PLAN B problly would work . So don't cave on detaching .

When he says it has nothing to do with OW tell him ok then get rid of them all for what ever 6 months and work on M .

It is horriable working on pre-a issues while A's are happening . (I KNOW I DID IT) and even though it worked it was long and hard and draining on ME ! and was terriable on the recovery process after witch I know now would have been smoother if I didn't do it that way .

BUT like you (different situation) I felt backed into a corner and if I wanted to work on M I did it his way ,,,,,WRONG thing ,, he is getting to much power that way and when things are hard he falls back to OW for his pick me up from poor big bad LISA !

I didn't follow MB to the letter , but the thing I know is some one stoped 2x4ing me and said ,

If you won't do PLAN B do some PLAN and stick to it .

every war, battle ,mission ect. NEEDS A PLAN .
YOU just can't wing it honey !

Do not be scared , do not back down do it .

you are broke cut his cell off , he won't stop seeing OW then cut him off .

ARE you looking good taking care of you ? if not make it part of this .

New attitude stop being frustared in front of him organize yourself ...

THIS has gone on to long time to get moving here stop taking steps back ward ...MOVE foward ....

get family involved in running the buiness as extra workers so you may not have to pay them ...

have you exposed all these A's to everyone ,, have you made your self known to all OW . ?

And don't get run off with no responses ,, some get frustrated when this goes on for so long but there are a few who will stick with ya .

JUST stop shooting down every idea (advice given to you ) Stop making excuses for them and see if something can be done , smething can be your just not seeing it clearly .

I know your anger , and the pain , BUT you are in charge of you ... and YOU need to stick with something for more then a week .