Well folks this morning i am in a very positive mood. Last night i spoke to my H about our sad situation.

I was so scared to do so as he is one to first of all blame me for the hurt, remove all the balme from himself, and just outright not want to talk about the A.

Well last night i implemented Plan A and used the conceptes from it to talk to him. Guess What? My new approach actually worked.

He stayed and listened to me. I made no demands just spoke to him form my heart telling him how the A was making me feel.

He gave his views after i ahd spoken and told me that i was depositing some seroius LBers to our relationship(He didn't use the LB term but i recognaised them as that).

We spoke for along time and my H did something that deposited hugely in the Love Bank. he appoligised for all the hurt that he has caused me. Here aer his exact words. "Baby i have hurt you so much and i am really sorry" he then hugged me and that fetl so good as he has not held me that way for a very long time.

Now i am not nieve enogh to believe that he is giong to run to the OW this morning to break it off, but i do know that after last night we are on our way because i believe that it was because i made deposits in the love bank that he gave back. what do you guys think???

Sindy, I think you did great!! You are breaking down his wall, which will cause lots of confusion for him. See, in order to justify his affair, he has to demonize you. If you remove that ammunition, he is suddenly very confused about things and is left to question his own actions. It sounds like you have started this process beautifully.

And you are right, he won't run out and quit the OW, but you have sure started the process rolling! Now, it will be important to continue making deposits and attracting him back. If you reach a point where you must go into Plan B, all those deposits can be used as leverage to attract him back into the marriage because you will have given him something to miss.

Good job! Keep up the great work, Sindy!

Sindy,

I'm so glad to see that you were able to express yourself in a way that reached your husband. Take the information he gave you about the LBs and make sure that you focus on eliminating them (let the OW LB!!...and she will!). I am very proud of you chere. Keep posting and reading...keep showing your husband that the marriage is far more attractive than the affair.

hugs!

Star*fish and Melodylane this morning i just feel so good. I am going to try my hardest to eliminate the LBers.

I recognise the need to do that and i will do it i am a very determined person to get my M on the right track again.

Once again everybody in the forum thanks and there is no way i could have felt this good today without you guys.

One question though i feel good now but i am scared of the time when he will go to her cause i know it is coming, after last night i don't think that he will do it for me to know but trust me i'll sense it.

Can anyone give me pointers on how to handle it when it does happen. I don't want to do anything to make wihdrawals from the love bank.

Sindy,

Continue to confront your husband honestly about how the A makes you feel. Make it about you:

Use this form: I feel_________when _________happens.

Be honest without LBing.

Who knows about the affair?

Hi Star*fish

My Mom knows, his Mom knows adn my Sister knows not forgetting all of the people who have seen them together. I has gotten to the point where i don't talk to his Mom about it anymore because it embrasses me.

I feel like i can't tlak to them about it anymore because i think that maybe i am a fool to stay.

This is just so difficult to deal with. His Mom is a Marriage counselor and she hsd tried to help us out but he gets so defensive that he hutr sher as well so i try not to get her involved anymore, but she would really like to see things work out between us.

She knows the OW from her church and because of her rep. she wants her no where near her son but her son is a grown man so....

Sounds like you are doing fine. Are you also busy doing things for yourself to raise your self-esteem?

Believer can you give me some pointers on things to do to raise my self esteem?

And i am trying not to LB but where does it end. I mean what do i do if i think that he is with the other woman. Do i try to find out for sure or do i just leave it alone.

My problem is that if i know that he is with her i get so angry that i do and say some really babd things to him. I don't swear at him i get get really angy.

So knowing how i react when i do know do you think that it would vbe wise to find out? And if i don't will i just be in the dark about the A?

Well, if you are in Plan A, you need to confirm that there is an A going on, and expose it.

After that, don't keep snooping, because it will just make you angry.

Anything that you can do that you feel good about will raise your self-esteem. I cleaned the house spotless, reorganized, painted, exercised, detailed the car, and went out with friends.

I felt great because I was always working on a project, and WH noticed the changes.

Hmmm....seems like "church" might be an excellent place for exposure to count. Have you thought about seeking help from the OWs pastor?

Hmmm....seems like "church" might be an excellent place for exposure to count. Have you thought about seeking help from the OWs pastor?

Starfish:
If you don't mind me asking: what is your story. Your signature line doesn't say a lot.

Would you endulge me on this. I've seen you post a lot and I just wanted to know.

Thanks