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One of our creative directors at the agency is from MN (minnnesohhhhtahhh) and he is the sweetest, nicest, so mild mannered you would almost think he was gay, even though he is not, kindest, real milk drinkin guys I know.
Donnnn cha know?
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Oooohhh yaaaaaaaaa. We're all dat wieghs ya knooo.... haaaas sumpt'n ta doooo wit da upbring'n I tink.... What in the hell makes ya think milk is bad for ya??? Do you feed your kids this line of gargabe??? (pardon the pun) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> EDIT:....let me rephrase that a little. We are not all feminine to the point of being almost gay. I was SPECIFICALLY refering to the kindness part....not the "you would swear he's almost gay" part. <...said in the most burly, puffed out chest sort of way i can muster...> <small>[ July 09, 2004, 10:47 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]</small>
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Been crackin' up here!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Your son is hilarious!! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">or associated with the Mob </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Many boys in your neck of the woods like to claim this. Usually just another form of fog talk!! My imitation of DipiT: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Only ONE!!
And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!
They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!
WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@!... HOUSE!
I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
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...you get that impression too, eh?!?!?
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This older couple was sitting around their apartment; she was clipping coupons while he was reading the bible.
The old man said to his wife, "You know honey, everything you ever wanted to know about life is in here."
She returned, "Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, dear."
He replied back, "Sure, just name one thing I can't find in here."
She said, "PMS-you won't find anything about it in there."
He began flipping through the pages, going from one chapter to another, pausing for a few seconds only before going on to the next page. After about 10 minutes, he looked up at his wife and said, "Aha! Here it is, I told you everything was in here."
Then he proceeded to begin reading the script "... and Mary rode Joseph's [censored]..."
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Signs of PMS
Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You add chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything you say.
You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that reads, "How's my driving--call 1-800-***-****."
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
You're counting down the days until menopause.
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Three little letters (M, E, and N) send you into an uncontrollable rage.
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Hey...you boys are supposed to be here being NICE to me, not here collectively ripping on me.
OK...so I felt bad...edited my mean male joke.
Come back. I was laughing again.
Don't MAKE me get mad again. It can happen.
<small>[ July 09, 2004, 11:04 PM: Message edited by: SerendipiT ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Robby. I am going to tell ark on you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoa, whoa whoa... Let's be reasonable here... At least I can be reasonable... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I'm not making fun of you, just trying to poke a stick at your soft, exposed underbelly! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Is ark a moderator? I'm in plenty enuff trouble already!
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How does a man show that
he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
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yes...I was kidding. A mean kid. I kid I kid. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> If only I could stop craving male bashing jokes, chocolate, and the need to STOP RETAINING WATER.
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Hey now... no tattling here.... give the guy a break already... I was busy for a second and already I miss a joke... man this board moves fast. I'm used to D/D were you have 3 days to think of a witty respnse to any given thread... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says...."
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
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Men are like...
Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the **** out of you.
Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like.....Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like.....Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like.....Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like.....Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like.....Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like.....Snowstorms.
You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last
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Dude...I am laughing out loud. So true. So true.
You had better edit that...you will have some sensitive men on here upset about the male bashing. And I will not take the blame for that.
Robby: what the hell are you doing up so late??
WMWB: No boys this weekend???
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THE PRECEEDING WERE JOKES, PEOPLE!!! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Robby: what the hell are you doing up so late?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you mean? It's friday baby! I'm a man baby! I aint no old ****! Ok, W is out with the girls (again) tonight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Just called, on her way home! Where's the Captain?
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You have small baby, and your alien abducted wife is out hooping it up with the ladies.
Dude. Where are those female bashing jokes when you need them?
Well, not that I am suggesting you bash her, after all, we do need to think of plan A, but, I am impressed that you still have your sense of humor. Good for you.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SerendipiT:
<strong>
WMWB: No boys this weekend??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope... they are with the MOTY this weekend. Go ahead... figure that one out... go ahead...
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> your alien abducted wife is out hooping it up with the ladies.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DipiT-
Now remember, we're friends, right?
My W is the BW...
I'm the *******...
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Robby: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Dude. I am still your friend. I wish my WH would have even cared about his deeds. I have a very, very, very, very, very, very big heart. I would have forgiven him, and would have still owned what I needed to own, and would have tried every single day of the rest of my life to build the kind of life together that would make us both euphoric.
Robby, I won't lie to you and tell you I don't wanna ask, DUDE, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING.
But, if you are anything like me, you are probably harder on yourself than anyone else could ever hope to be (especially since I am betting you are the Type A, superachiever, financial planner type). So, alas, my words instead are, forgive yourself. Your wife will come around. She loves you. It just hurts...and people will usually do a lot to avoid pain.
I am still glad you are hanging out with me, making me laugh at PMS jokes tonight.
The only emotion that I have not yet covered is sorrow....give me a folgers commercial and NO DAMN SWEETS in the house, and I think I can conjer up some tears.
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WMWB:
MOTY
Mother of Those Yolders
Making Out To Yellow
Must Owl Tea Yeppers
Muckidity Other True Yardstick
Seriously, for the life of me...it must be the premenstration water bloat impeding proper blood flow to the brain.
Or the though of cheese and beer in WI.
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