I think I'm just being "triggered" here and wanted some input of how I handled it.

Fwh finally confessed some detail that my gut knew. He'd begun the PA portion of this nightmare EA/PA earlier than first admitted. He's in a music group for fun and they played somewhere and they hooked up. I was home pregnant.

Tonight he is playing and I decided not to go because it is 1 1/2 hours away and I just didn't feel like going. I go to all of them but this one is far and decided I was busy with other things. I didn't want to force myself to go to "police" him. I mean we are pretty rocky, but I should not have to follow him around. It is all on him what he does.

So, I guess I'm just looking for some input here. Is this a good thing, that I'm laying off and letting it be??? I'm feeling kind of sick actually (like panicky) but I'm trying to just overcome that.

Dday #1 was 17 mos ago, #2 was 7 mos ago. First recovery attempt was misery (gee, I wonder why <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ). 2nd quite rough at first...he's seeming more here though lately. Swears NC now, that it is over. We'd gotten to D talk, and I was ready to do it. But, he wanted to slow that down.

So this is my therapy for today. Post it and see what you all think. Is this a positive???

Thanks.

Weezy, I can see why you would be panicky with that history. You are pretty new into recovery and it takes much longer than this to rebuild trust. Your reaction is pretty normal and you can expect it until he has rebuilt the trust he destroyed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I mean we are pretty rocky, but I should not have to follow him around. It is all on him what he does. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, but that is what you signed on for when you agreed to stay with an untrustworthy person. But yes, it is all on him what he does. Always has been.

Thanks MelodyLane. I know it isn't easy. I think for a while I kept saying we were at recovery for 17 mos....just recently I realized that we are really less than that (there was a dday #2 and he "slipped" and dialed her # 2x ((each was for 1 min.)) , last time was April) Yup, early on in the long haul. Realistically, after all I've been dealt, I don't know where it is all going anyway. He keeps sending up back to point #1 by breaking NC. Each time it pushes me closer to the edge of no return.

I don't want to over analyze this. I mean, it shouldn't be a big deal for me to not be there. If this were "normal" circumstances, a wife missing one thing her husband participates in isn't a big deal, especially when she's there all the other times.

ahhh, but then again, there is no normal anymore.....

I just wanted to make sure I wasn't screwing up here by not going and being supportive....but I don't think I am. And I think I should expect him to do the right thing whether I am there or not.

Sometimes this nonsensical tornado gets me all confused. I know what is right. But you know, those waywards have some way of twisting it all up so you think you're the one who's got it all wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />