It has been three months since D-day of WH's EA. (profile is on Plan A/B, long road ahead) I have been in Plan A for the most part with a positive attitude and few LBs. WH sent NC letter, but refused to change cell number so contact continued. During the past week I confirmed that contact has continued with calls and probably visits. (Snooping has its disadvantages.) It is like a second D-day. I had a meltdown day before yesterday and that night we talked alot. Today I cannot hold it together. I sit in the same room with him with start to cry. I can't stop crying; I guess three months of holding it in had to be let out sometime. He is refusing to eat and an activity...he just complains there is nothing to do because he is retired and in the middle of a MLC. I am sure he feels now that A is ending, he really don't have anything to do. I suggest activities, but he refuses to do them with me. I hope there are words of hope out there because I am having difficulty hanging on today.

Survivor,
I like your name, you WILL survive this!

Your H sounds deeply depressed. He needs professional help and most likely anti-d's.

A few thoughts on your situation:

A NC letter is a good start, but only if it is followed up by NC...He needs to change his cell # now, that might make it easier. It appears that he is still involved with the OW. Is the OW married? Does her H know about the A? The sooner it is outed, the harder it will be for contact to continue.

You suggest activities and he will not participate, another sign of depression. Get out and do things by yourself, you don't BOTH need to be depressed.

Suggest a doctor's appointment for him. He might need a nudge from you.

He is retired, going through a MLC and clearly needs some activities.

As long as he is in the Fog about the OW, he is probably spending a lot of time fantacizing the relationship, not good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Are you churchgoers? If so, or if you would be interested, there might be some groups he could join. Excersize, tutoring, volunteer work for children or seniors, etc. He NEEDS to get involved in some productive activities. If not through church, maybe the YMCA or other local organizations.

I'm so sorry for your despair today, keep us posted , things WILL get better! Ladysing

Ladysing,

Thanks for your thoughts and support.

I agree that H is depressed. He has anti-d's and I will encourage him to take them. He is VERY, VERY stubborn and any suggestions are met with resistance. I asked him to change cell, but he refused and he is probably locked into the position now--although I used my most thoughtful request.

I work full time, but he has nothing to do all day. He would admit that he needs a purpose and I try to encourage him and make suggestions. His stubbornness keeps him in his loop. The OW is not married; been divorced twice. She is starting her own biz and invited him to join. He said that he refused because it would not be good for "us." He says he feels like a failure and he probably saw her biz as a strike it rich scheme and something new and exciting.

I have been hanging in there for over three months. I am in MC and have the support of my sister, a few friends and pray to God all the time for strength and wisdom. With all of that, the pain is still so overwhelming. Thanks for your words--they make it better.

Ladysing,

Just wanted to let you know that I took your advice and gently...ever so gently encouraged H to take anti-d's and on Sunday he started to take them. He even said on Monday that he should remember to take them. He even asked me to dinner and he ate which he has not had an appetite. He also slept last night which he has not been able to the last few nights. We still have alot of work ahead like real NC and withdrawal! And he needs to find an activity/purpose, but maybe this will help him with recovery. Thanks for your encouragement; it helped me to hang in there when I was lost.