Go easy on me. Here is the way I look at it. I know it was rushed, but if I didn't sign she could have pushed any request thru and I would not know what was on the paperwork. Also, this type of divorce is called default where I live and takes 90-120 days to finalize. I have 20 days so contest which would push it out for several months more, but there was nothing in the paperwork that we didn't agree to. At any point in there it can easily be stopped. It has been 40 or so days now and add at least 90 and you have over 4 months time at least. I don't want to wait for her any longer than that anyway. I know that some of you wait for a very long time, but that's just not me. I want to be able to move on soon if she is unwilling to reconcile. I do not want to be tied to her for a year and still get nothing in return. She knows how long this takes and that it can be reversed. My question now is should I go into a plan A style now that the papers are signed instead of plan B?

Also, signing the paperwork was surprisingly pain free and impersonal. I was really dreading it, but it wasn't that bad. One thing I noticed was that WW's signature has changed. Now when signing my last name she just writes the first letter H an a little scibble after that. She used to spell it out clearly. Pretty sad eh? My name even bothers her now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but there was nothing in the paperwork that we didn't agree to </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So now you want a divorce?

Juke -

Everyone has their own way of dealing with these things. It is a personal decision. I have waited 16 months for my WH's A to be over. It still isn't. But I don't look at it as wasted time.

I hope you will continue to post and read here and make any necessary changes in you. Because divorce or not, you still have all these feelings to work through.

Would you rather do Plan A or Plan B?

Probably plan B at this point, but you have been at this much longer than I.

Juke,

I trust that you did what you thought was best for you. You'll soon have that big red "X" on your calendar, and only you know whether you dread that day or look forward to it. Keep us posted.

GC

Well Plan B is very comfortable, as you can start recovering. However it concerns me because you have not done a good Plan A.

Gray- lot of it also has to do with our agreements which tilt in my favor. I didn't want her to change her mind and try for spousal support etc. It's all on paper now so I feel safe in that sense. It's just paper work to me. It can easily be reversed within the next 90 days or if not that, it is easy to re-marry. But, like I said she is very headstrong and I doubt that she will swallow her pride and try to reconcile, but you never know.

Juke - That is why a good Plan A might be best. That would let her know that she is safe to come back.

Thank you believer- I will start plan A ASAP. I trust your opinion.

Juke - See if you can get more opinions. Your situation is very different from most. (Because of the speed of this whole thing.)

juke I'm just going to give MHO, I think that since you are still young and have no children involved you have the right to do as you see fit with your situation. I'm basically in the same boat you are with my STBXW and we also have no children involved, I was going to give her till Aug. to figure herself out but I've shortend that time period because over the last few months I realized that life is just to short. If we did have children involved I would hold on for a year to see what would happen. If you feel that you've done everything you can and know that you feel good about the effort you put forth to save your M then you can get DV knowing that you did your best to reconcile your M. Now you have the added bonus of this website to get the tools you need to have a long lasting loving relationship.

Thanks Tinman- I look at it the same way. We don't have children involved (thank God) and I am still young. It's weird that I am even going thru this at my age. Never would have thought! I guarantee that she will regret this at some point, but my time frame for me to put up with this is 4 months. One down four to go. If she doesn't change before then than I move on. I refuse to let her hold my life and happiness in her hands. There are even many things that are better in my life now that she is not around. may even be happier overall now without someone being hard on me and nagging me. I love her, but there are many other women who I can fall in love with and many who would treat me better, obviously.

Juke, I look to the “senior” members here i.e. believer et al. for advice and insight as well; their opinions carry a lot of weight with me. I will give my .02 though.

You are in an accelerated process by the sounds of it. Do you know her biggest complaint with the marriage? If so, tell her and show her it can/will change. Maybe a plan A letter spelling it out. Can you do a proper plan A in spite of what is thrown at you?

If possible do a stellar plan A, short but sweet however. Then a good dark dark dark plan B. Much easier to do without kids. It would be as accelerated as her plans to D. You may get the opportunity to stretch it out if she begins to waver on the D, but will have to play that by ear. If 90 days to D, maybe 1 month A to 2 months B. Just a thought.

Binder- I have already told her that I would be willing to change the things that bothered her. I even told her I would be willing to move, etc. This was all in an email that she still has. It seems to be less about me and more about her addiction to OM (and how much fun he is. I was fun, but he is more fun LOL. For now at least). For example, she said that our debt was a big issue, yet in filing she is taking on 3/4th's of the debt. Another thing was that the dogs were an issue yet she took the most annoying hyper dog over there and he already has a dog so now they have 2 just like we did. It seems like she came up with a bunch of BS to justify what she has done, but her hypocrisy shows in her actions.

Forgot to add that the one month plan A and 2 month plan B sounds good to me.

It seems to be less about me and more about her addiction to OM
That is what ana ffair is all about.
Not so much that the spouse is terrible or even really bad, buthte op gets in their system and they go blind.

Exactly...I just hope that she will be able to see again soon.

Galatians 6:7-10:


Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.