When my husband and I first met I was a pent up 17 year old. The first year and a half of our relationship was spent long distance. During that time I had several partners. At the time I didn't know what I wanted and our relationship really wasn't that developed.
After I moved up to be with him things seemed well. We moved into an apartment about a year later but he never stayed there. He prefered to stay at his parents house because of heating problems at the apartment. During that time I had a fling with someone I didn't even know. I kept in contact with the person for about 2 weeks but was always entirly unhappy about what I had done. I never told my now husband about it. I just felt too dirty and shameful for doing it especially since I didn't even like it when it was happening. I guess I've just always had a hard time saying no.
That was 5 years ago. I never saw the guy again. Now, I'm faced with my husband's infedelity. The tables are turned and I'm feeling miserable. After I confronted him we went through about 3 days of talking about working things out. I was acting super paranoid because I felt my trust was betrayed but I tried all I could not to say anything that would upset him. After that he told me that it might be better if I moved back across the country to live with my family. I recently found out that he has continued contact with this girl though he says that's now over and I know that he still sees her at his work.
I've tried to back away while still showing him that I want to still work things out but he says he has little trust in me because I was snooping through his things and because I threatened to alert his bosses about what was going on with him and his student. I realize that wan't a good thing to do but my emotions took over and my family is only fueling that fire. Since everything came out he changed all of his passwords, removed any paperwork of his from where I could find it, and has just opened a new bank account without telling me.
I decided that if I really wanted to work things out with him and regain his trust at least a little I would have to be completely open with him. So I told him about my fling and how I knew he had opened a new bank account. He said he always figured about that I had not been faithful but thought it was with someone I knew at work. Suprisingly he was more upset about me finding out about his bank. He says he doesn't feel like he has anything of his own.
I want to move back up to where we live as soon as possible. My family is driving me nuts and this distance only seems to be making the situation worse. During this phone call he finally told me that he still loves me but that he didn't want to give me any false hope because right now he can't make any promises about the future. Before that he only told me that he didn't feel comfortable telling me he loved me. I'm determined now not to try to rush him but I'm afraid that if I don't get up to where he is, we will start to drift and we'll end up spending our first marriage anniversary apart.
I guess my question is; was it the right thing to do to tell him about the fling I had right now and should I be trying so hard to get back to him?
Last night I felt better about letting go of all of my secrets but today I'm feeling really guilty. He said he's not sure if he's going to call me today but that he will definitly call me sometime this weekend. I've tried to bring up counseling and he agreed to that at first but now he tells me that he has nothing to contribute or to gain by going to counseling. I don't know if he's going through withdrawal but instead of pushing it like I had been I'm going to try and back off for a while. It's hard though when I can't even see him and I want more than anything to work things out.

You did the right thing by confessing. Other than that you should be in Plan A. Read about it here. Also if there is an A going on, you must expose it. By the way, welcome to marriagebuilders.