I posted this on the Recovery board, but boy I don't feel like we're recovering. I've basically given FWH 4 months to begin to work on the M or I'm asking him to leave. We're a month into it and he still can't make up his mind...

This is what happened last night:

I LBed BIG TIME last night, and the thing is, I don't feel bad, I apologized but only half-heartedly. He's been telling me he's not sure he wants to stay or go for awhile now. And he wrecked his car last Oct. Wanted to get it fixed, is going to take some MAJOR work done, it's totalled and not mobile right now. We've been saving money, about half his check every week, which now I realize he thinks is HIS money (never mind I pay all the house bills out of MY money...isn't it all OUR money?) Since about March I've asked him to get an appraisal for about how much it will cost to fix it, see how much we need to save. We've talked about getting another car too. And the past few weeks he's hinted at cars for sale he sees around town.

Yesterday I was going to the auto auciton to look at a Subaru. He knew this. Found out it was a dead car, but found another car that was a pretty good deal and bought it (you only have one day to decide).

H and I both drive beaters, and this 'new' car is pretty old too, but if we have 3 beaters around we generally have 2 running while one is in the shop, and we spend FAR less than we would with a car payment.

So I told him about the car, and he was MAD. I made the decision without him, and spent HIS money.

But gee I didn't feel bad. Independent decisions of his our family has had to learn to deal with our entire married life, and this is the first time I've made a major decision without checking with him first... We've had to deal with him quitting his job on a whim, he's bought 2 cars, and opening a business all without talking with me first. When I brought this up to him he said..."I did talk with you first" and "I made the decision but I told you afterwards and I could have gotten out of it".

He doesn't want to be here, yet he wants to play a part in the decisions... He wants to be a partner when it pleases him?

I need a car, mine has an obscene amount of miles on it (well over 200K) so I bought it. I am OK with this decision. I'm sorry he got so upset but I got some satisfaction seeing in him the frustration I've been dealing with the entire time we've been married from his independent decisions.


OK now, I don't feel bad or remorse or guilt about my decision. H accused me of being smug, I was just unemotional. What is going on? IS this wrong? What place in recovery/non-recovery am I in?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We've had to deal with him quitting his job on a whim, he's bought 2 cars, and opening a business all without talking with me first. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It sounds like you didn't like it when he did that...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I got some satisfaction seeing in him the frustration I've been dealing with the entire time we've been married from his independent decisions.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It felt good to get him back...you think he should feel bad about doing that to you...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ...I don't feel bad or remorse or guilt ... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but you don't think you should feel bad about doing the same thing to him...?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IS this wrong? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you think?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What place in recovery/non-recovery am I in?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not a helpful place. You might still have some forgiving to do, imo.


Shul