This may be off topic on the whole basic MB stuff... but this is sooo hard right now.....

What an awful awful awful time to be pregnant right now... I know God has a reason for it all...but I just hate it. I absolutely loved being pregnant with our first two, but this one just makes me even more sad (if that is even possible). I'm 7 month pregnant dh had an awakening about 3.5 months ago that he was fed up and had lost his love for me (lots of reasons... mainly my fault... but I've changed since then). 1 month ago he started having an EA with a close friend of mine/ also his co-worker- that ended one week after the realization of it... and supposed nc has been set.

So we come to this point now... dh still doesn't know what he is feeling, still "numb". I'm doing the best plan A... he appreciates it... but I don't want to be pregnant. I can't help thinking that our sweet baby inside of me wasn't concieved in love, and what happens if dh still doesn't love me by the time she needs to be deilvered? I have to have ac-sec and I so need him. I don't want him in that operating room or the hospital, I need someone there who loves me and is there for me and care for me becasue they want to not becuase they have to and can hold me and love me. What happens when our daughter comes and it makes it worse or it makes me more depressed and I can't love her the way I should or care for her an our two other precious little miracles? I'm so tired of crying. What if all this that is happening to my H and I (and all the saddness I have) is having an adverse effect on her inside the womb?

It's such an awful time for anyone to be pregnant and having to go through all of this.

Doing his Will

I am in your situation also. I am almost 5 months pregnant and I hear the same things from my husband. He start a EA about 2 years ago and I found out about it in Dec. He still is in daily phone contact with the OW but has not seen her since Dec. Although he is going away for the weekend and I feel like he is not being honest and may meet up with her again.

My husband does not even seem interested in the pregnancy. He does not ask questions, does not want to talk about baby names, and doesn't even really ask much about my doctor visits. He feels he lost his love for me or maybe he never really even loved me. Has lots of reasons why but none of them are things we can't work on. He feels the OW is not the problem even though he will not break contact to see if we can make improvements without her in the picture.

I want this baby no matter what. Even if he doesn't want to be with me I still want it. When I feel a little flutter I know I got to keep going no matter what. I love my husband so much but if he doesn't want to be with me I will still have my kids and eventually find someone who will treat me the way I deserve. If my husband leaves then I also do not want him in the delivery room. It would be to painful for me. I also do not want my kids around the OW.

I think when you see your baby you will love her so much. I don't think she will make things worse. It will give you more hope and keep you going no matter if your spouse is in the picture or not. A baby has a way of bringing out the best in us. If not ask for help. From friends, family, church members. I am sure you will find many people who can help you through this.

I also cannot stop crying and the saddness is so much. I don't know how to handle the situation at times. Especially when my husband is up and down. I just keep trying to work on myself and hope he can see I can change and want to change also. Please take care of yourself and focus on that baby. Good luck. I just wanted you to know your not alone and what your feeling is very normal I also feel alot of the same things.

It is going to be OK. Keep reading here and you will find out that this is a common time for men to have affairs. He's being immature. Keep to plan A. Maybe a female relative or friend could go with you to the hospital too for support. There have been stories here of the OW sitting in the waiting room-yuck.

He most likely has been having an affair for a longer period of time. It can still be OK, just keep to plan A. Having a baby is tough, but it will be the most wonderful thing to happen. It will be an eye opener for him too. Expose the affair to all. Let everyone, her family too, know what is happening. If she is young, call her parents. If married, tell her H. Tell the church too.

Most marriages can survive. You are doing all that you can. Keep a positive attitude. People have gone as far as to divorce and then remarry. The likelyhood of his relationship with her lasting is less than 3%. I am sending you a hug, this happened to me 4 yrs ago, we are together and happier than before. If he continues to see her, plan your future. See an attorney, make plans for you and the baby. Breast feed so that you control the visits better (and it's best for baby-yes it hurts at first, but it gets better and it helps you loose weight-you probably can't eat anyway). It is going to be fine, no it won't be the same, but you can actually have a stronger marriage.

Sad-trust your gut feelings-they do rekindle the affair after a period of time-very frequently. I would just look him in the eye and tell him-I am going to choose to trust you. See how he reacts...does he look away, does he start a fight. You'll know. Just keep going, affairs don't start overnight (well sometimes they do) and they don't end quickly sometimes unless there is no contact. Good luck-and don't worry-I've been here for years, most men go home when they figure it out. It's the addiction of the attraction chemical. You pull away and they reach out for you. Maybe you could tell him you are happy he's getting away-you can tell him you're going away that weekend too. Keep him guessing. They want what they can't have. Sorry for the threadjack. I used to tell my H he was free to leave.

Thanks NJ. I just hope he wakes up soon. I really miss my husband and from the things he says everyone says it's fog but sometimes I wonder if what he feels and says is true because he believes he is not confused or anything. I told him to leave me if that's what he wants. He keeps saying he wants to make sure I'm ok or he says he doesn't want to leave if I am going to be bitter. So he is holding on or wants me to do it so he can feel a little less guilty about the whole thing.

Also there are many here that are pregnant and going through what we are. Plus many more who have went through it and have worked it out with their spouses.

O boy can I understand where you are. In my first marriage, H was abusive and controlling. First pregnancy I begged the doc to hosptalize me when I had to go on bedrest, because of the stress and abuse. Poor doc actually had tears in his eyes when he said he couldn't. Then he offered to put H through a wall if it would help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Second pregnancy I did have to be hospitalized for last 3wks. Even at that, H's only concern was that his sex life was suffering and he suddenly had to be (barely) reponsible for his son's care. Forget the premature baby trying to escape the womb with underdeveloped lungs! He wanted to be in the bars finding next OW.

Sweetie, I tell you this not to minimize your situation or play one-up on you, but to let you know that some men are real A-holes to their pregnant wives and we wives can really sympathize. There is NO worse time to be treated so poorly. You and your precious baby need only people who are good for you. Surround yourself with those who really care, and let him self-destruct. Deal with it after you pop out that baby. And DON'T worry - you WILL have plenty of motherly love for this baby, despite the circumstances. It is too strong to be cowed by the actions of another. His loss.
I will pray for you.

I can relate, my marriage was OK or so i thought until about may of last year I was due july 11, well my H started acting strange I kept on him for about 2 weeks then he told me it was all me he wanstn happy blah blah then about a week later i found out about OW and the EA it contunied through the birth of our D (6/26) and afterward. w/ him eventually moving out in oct-jan. It was hard and I resented the situation for so long especially since the end of my pregnancy was very very hard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I feel for you

I too am a pregnant BS. It's hard because this is our first child and should have been such a joyous time. However, this baby is a miracle for me. He/she is what keeps me going when it gets real bad. I don't know how I would have gotten through this without my baby. Because late at night, no matter how bad it gets, we are not really alone. We have this beautiful baby with us, that represents something pure and wonderful.

Of course I wonder what kind of mother I will be when I am so sad and depressed all the time. But everyone tells me, once I see that baby all the sadness and depression will be replaced by a kind of love that I can't even begin to imagine right now. You've been through this twice before so if you think back, I'm sure that you will remember this.

I know this time is tough and I am sorry you are having to go through this right now. Surround yourself with people who love you and will take care of you. Focus on you and the baby right now. Maybe your WH will come around, maybe not; but you need to be strong for your children.