Hi Everyone,
D-Day about 6 weeks ago. Only person he could talk to at work, stop by her house 3 times just to visit, took her on a plane ride, just as friends,works with her and her soon to be ex #3 and our youngest daughter. THEN last night he came home from work early because I was having a bad night and I told him I knew there was more and I needed to know it all if we were going to go forward. SOOOOO he said he was tired of lying to me all the time, and that he had seen her at her house so many times he cant count them all and that he was there to try to get sex from her, but she told him they could only be friends. Well my daughter and I went to there work place to talk to the ow or her husband, but when we got there my husband had called and they had a guard at the door that wouldn't let my daughter in because she wasn't working at the time, and told us to come back at 6 AM and talk to them when they got off work. So I did but this time my husband called the cops and told them that I was going out there to cause problems. So I called the cops and ask them to go with me so I could just talk to them, but they wouldn't, so I went by myself. Needless to say when ow walked out of the building she had a man on each side of her and she refused to talk to me. So I left and came home. Then my husband packs his things and left. And my daughter gets a call to tell her she is fired for trying to enter the building when she isn't working. My H had been telling me all these weeks that he wanted our marriage to work and that we were going to be o.k. everyday he would tell me thie over and over and I thought we were doing good then all this happened. The hurt hadn't stoped yet and now he has added to it. Now he says he's not sure if he wants to try anymore because he still has to work with her everyday and that I would'nt be able to handle it. I love my husband with all my heart and am so scared that I really have lost him this time. I don't know where to go from here. Can anyone help?
luvybug

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Please don't self-distruct, because your marriage seems very hopeful to me.

Your WH has started being a little bit honest, but I don't think he has been absolutely truthful.

And the whole calling the cops on you and (is this his daughter?) - he is deeply in the throes of addiction.

The OW has been married 3 times? Is that right? Not a very good track record.

I see nothing but disaster for him. Stick with us, start in Plan A, and we will help you through this.

Have you talked to the OW husband? What does he say about all this? Why did your H leave? Because he was mad that you wanted to confront the OW?

Two grown women go to the "almost" OW (your husband said she refused HIS ADVANCES)workplace to confront her and you are surprised you were met with police?
Your actions do not show that you had anything NON-VIOLENT in mind by bringing your daughter along to the job of the OW and her soon to be ex.
You obviously know where they work, why couldn't you have spoken to them via phone?

Believer,
Yes this is his daughter too. H and I have been married for 31 years and have 3 daughters. The other woman has been married 3 times. Thank you for talking to me.
Luvybug

Melodylane,
I havent talked to the ow husband because first he was on medical leave for weeks, and then my husband begged me not to he said that it wasn't right to involve him in something that is not his fault. My H left because I told him I didn't see how we could have a chance as long as he keeps lying to me and even though he said that I know everything now , I still don't trust him to tell me the truth yet . Is that wrong? Trust has always been a tough issue for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and then my husband begged me not to he said that it wasn't right to involve him in something that is not his fault. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Luvy, does it make sense to you that her H shouldn't be involved in something that effects his OWN MARRIAGE? Of course it is right to involve him! This is *HIS* life! Call the man today. It may be too late now, though. His W may have spun the story to him making you sound like a nut. But, he needs to know the truth and you could really use his help in ensuring the end of the affair.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still don't trust him to tell me the truth yet . Is that wrong? Trust has always been a tough issue for me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You shouldn't trust an untrustworthy person, Luvy, that would be insane. You shouldn't trust him until he proves himself trustworthy.

Trying2-4give,
My daughter went along only because it is a secure building they work in and she was going in to ask the ow husband if he would come out and talk to me. I tried to call him at work to talk but they wouln't let me because my H had already called out there. I couldn't call him at home because he isn't living with his wife so I don't have a number for him. And after that I made my daughter leave and I waited for ow to get off work. When she came out of the building I told her all I wanted to do was talk but she refused and told me I was a f---ing nut. But at the beging of all this when I thought H and ow were just friends and I knew she and her H were having problems I emailed her the MB site address and told her that it has helped me. That was all I said and her response to that was unbeliveable she told me to I had no right to send her that because I knew nothing about her and her H problems, but she told me herself about them the day I went to meet her and she had told my h about them and he would come home and tell me. She then proceeded to tell me I was a small petty woman and I needed to stay out of her f---ing business, up my meds, then called me every name you could think of and then told me to never write her again. And I didn't untill she wrote to me again and said that the more she thought about me sending her that address the more it pissed her off so she had a few more "KIND" words and a few more "KIND NAMES" to let me have. And this all started because I thought that if her and her h could work things out then my h and I would have a better chance. Yet I'm the f---ing nut. Go figure.
luvybug

Melodylane,
I cant call the ow husband because I know he doesn't live with her but I don't know where he lives or how to contact him. Thank you for your comments on trust, I have always belived that you trust noone untill they have earned your trust. I think its because i'm the mother of 3 daughters and 1 of them sexually asaulted while stationed in another country and 1 of them assaulted by her boyfriend when she caught him with another woman. Needless to say it has left me VERY over protective of our girls. I have from day one wished I could talk to ow h but h has always begged me not too, he agreed to let me meet ow and I did but she sat and lied to me about everything right to my face of course I didn't know she was lying at the time but over time it has come out that most of what she said was to cover for me h.
Thank you so much it is nice to know someone is listing.
luvybug