GC - I know what you mean, but how do I plan A if he isn't around? Plus due to my pregnancy there are just some things I can't do. He is finally started to hang out here more so I can show him how much I have changed and what it would be like if he came back. I have no idea if the A is still on going, so I don't know if I am enabling it or not.

Nothing is ever easy is it? We want them to come back but then when they start to come around how are we suppose to act?

Yes, we do need all the opportunities we can get to show them the changes in ourselves and the lives they're giving up. I've seen my WW very little during the last month. Every encounter is critical. I certainly haven't stopped my WW from doing chores. I just make sure there are never any for her to do. Anyway, she seems to have given up on that sort of thing. Today she came by to get a few personal items to take to the room she's renting.

She's going to be hanging out with a bunch of 22-year-olds pretending to be a newly single gal starting over. It's simply crushing.

You are doing very well I think. OM's W in my situation is pregnant, and she is really hurting from not being able to use any anti-depressant meds. How has that gone for you?

GC

GC - It's so lonely going through this alone. Plus the depression is overwhelming at times and AD's just aren't an option. We tried for so long to get pregnant. Makes me wonder why it happened now (but that's an entirely different post)? This is our first child and was suppose to be such a happy time for us, it's depressing that I can't enjoy this precious time. I am so scared to think about going through this alone. Can you image having to sit home timing contractions by yourself? But I also feel sorry for my WH, one day he is going to wake up and it may be too late. He may have missed out on so much of this miracle. He has given me every indication that he will be a father for this child one way or another, and for the baby's sake I am grateful. He is going to take off two weeks when the baby is born (over christmas) and then after I got back to work, he is taking 12 weeks off. I just can't believe he is willing to be a part time father.

Hi there Kloe,

Every time I read one of your posts my heart breaks.

I went through the contractions alone, well actually my water broke right away so it wasn't too long of a time. But I paged my daughters dad at the club where he was playing knowing full well that his girlfriend was probably there. I did it and you can too. Try not to think too much about what will happen when the time comes, okay. Everything will work out.

Because you are pregnant and going through this, you just have to be very strong. I can tell you are. You are such a nice person, it shows in everything that you write here. I'm so glad you found this site. I know it helps.

Weaver

Thank you Weaver, that's good to hear. However, I don't think I was such a nice person before this happened. It's so easy to get caught up in ourselves and forget what is important. Having something like this happens really makes you look at yourself and want to change. I think I am on my way to becoming a better person and hopefully a good mother.

Kloe, I had lost sight of some important things before this happened too. It just sneaks up on you, doesn't it? You get so caught up in your own life... but we must always remember to take time to keep our spirits healthy. I'm sure after this experience I'll never forget how important that is, and I'll bet you won't either.

The beginning of your child's life may not be going the way you envisioned it, but I suspect the day he or she comes will be one filled with great joy. Hold on to that when the darkness surrounds you, and do not give up hope.

GC

GC - I don't think I'll ever be the same after this experience. I never know what it was like to experience such pain. But as I stated in one of my earlier posts today, I really am coming to terms why I think this happened. I need to start to see the good in things, even something as devistating as this.

Some days I can't wait for the baby to get here, so I can see and hold this beautiful creature that represents only love, happiness and hope. Other times I am so terrified, of being alone, of messing up, of a hundred things.

But as the saying goes, one day at a time. That sounds like what you are doing and you sound well. Having a dog around will be great, nothing like a big goofy animal loving you unconditionally (of course my male dog is sitting here barking at me while I am typing). Good luck to you.

Now WH seems to be trying to find reasons to talk to me. Today he sent me an e-mail asking if I knew of a dentist. We works two blocks from me, at a firm with over 300 people (including OW) and he needs to ask me? I gave him the name of one that I have an appointment with next month. He replied back that his tooth is really hurting and he hopes he can get in today. I guess it's good that he is reaching out to me with this. We'll see.