Not feeling so good right now. Not liking the things that are running through my head. Im feeling suicidal right now. What scares me is being home by myself with the kids. H just left again cause he was mad. Told me on the phone he was going to f^@k. Says hell be home in a few hours, but I doubt he will. Hell probably stroll in in time for me to go to a baby shower tomorrow afternoon, if he does then.

I just want someone to talk to right now. H wont talk to me, he just yells and says hurtful things. I told him how Im feeling right now and all he said was OK. Kinda like go ahead and do it. Told me he really doesnt want to save our marriage. I really want to though.

Does anyone know anything I could do? Will a plan A or B work on a BS? I know a few have said to let it be, but I cant. I love my H too much. I dont want my kids growing up not knowing their daddy like h did. Please help me!!!

Hi lonelyone,

Just wanted you to know you are not alone. I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Those babes of yours need their mom and we all want to help see you through this.

If you are truly contemplating hurting yourself, please call a suicide help line. Talk to someone on the phone if you must. You don't want to hurt yourself. You can make it through tonight even if just a few moments at a time.

I do not know all the details of your situation, but I know you are being treated poorly and you need support. Stay here and keep posting. People will help you. There are some members that have lots of time invested here and have learned a lot along the way. They can share with you.


I noticed DDay wasn't that long ago. If you could, read all you can on this website about Plan A, Plan B and Dr. Harley's articles. It will help you understand where to start.

God is with you right now lonelyone. You mentioned being afraid to be with kids alone. God can help you with that. Reach out to Him. He is there. Reach out here. You will find many friends.

Try to get some rest and take care of yourself. Put your H in God's hands tonight. You cannot worry about what he is doing right now. Just try to rest. More support will be along in the morning.

Blessings and hang in there!
Pam

Dear lonleyone,

I have just logged on and seen your post. PLEASE still be there.

I understand where you are at with how you feel. I have had suicidal thoughts too because of what I have done and the fact of going through early withdrawal of not contacting OM.

I haven't seen any posts from you until this one.
Have you just joined?

Can you share a bit about what happend to you?

Please forgive me for asking this.

You are going through natural thoughts of wanting to 'escape' pain and trauma. You are vulnerable.

Am making this a short first reply because I want you to know I am logged on if you want to reply to me.

Love and hope to you,

Kas

lonelyone,

Are you there? Please post.

ps lonleyone,

Glad runnawaypot is there too. We are both ourselves trying to support each other with the amazing help of others on this site.

Like she said, your contact break off with OM wasn't that long ago. Mine may be just a bit further on (15 weeks tomorrow), but i am still struggling..

I can only live by each day. Each day I want to make contact again and have to fight it knowing i will end up in a total emotional mess again.

I just want you to know people on this site care very much. They want to get behind you and support you through this.

We care what you are going through,

Please post when you next can,

Hang on in there. You will make it.

Bear with your H and his reactions to you and the hurt you must feel to his indifference when you said what you were feeling and thinking of doing.

Your kids need you too. God will help you in this. I say this confidently, because He gets me through each day.

I have been where you are with regard to your thoughts of wanting to just 'escape from this pain'...

I believe God led me to find this site lonleyone because in His wisdom He knew I would find others struggling too.

Please post when you can,

Kas

Am praying for you right now

lonelyone, hang in there.

You guys are so young. I had to face lots of anger from my H but it was the hurt that was worse to face. We've been married 30 years. All that history is hard to throw away - but also it made it worse for my H because he thought we'd reached the stage in our lives where we would grow old and happy together.

What your H is feeling is not unusual. He's very hurt and I know you are too.

You'll get through this you know, you've got your kids, you've got us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jenny

<small>[ June 26, 2004, 02:35 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Dear Lonleyone

I know exactly where you are coming from having comtemplated the same thing.

BUT DON"T YOU DARE.

If you really feel so lost right now PLEASE ring your local suicide help line NOW!!

Your children need you, they will always need you, and one day, after the anger, pain and hurt has dimmed so will your H I think. You can at the least hope and work for that.

I still am, I don't have him back even after a lot of therapy and counselling, but do not hurt yourself please.
That is no answer though you feel like all is gone and lost.

Please, send me a private message if you think you need to talk outside of this board if you want I can send you my email address too if you wish that.

KNow that many here do care and want to help, you are not alone, not even at the darkest time during the night.

Please come back to us here

Lonelone,

Please go get on those Anti-depressants that everyone keeps telling you about.

You need to find a way to detach from your husbands abuse. You don't want to go through this every other day do you? You are filled with such fear and pain all the time, and I don't see how you can work on your marriage when you are scared to death.

Please go talk to someone that can put you on the AD's and that can help you through this.

Please, immediately call 1-800-suicide.

Don't wait. Get some help.

You're a good person in a tough situation. Please pick up the phone now.

Think of your kids!! You are loved and you are needed.

Lonlyone, please stay here. I had those thought before, bt everyone was so helpful here. I am glad that I hung in here. Prayers for you and your kids.

Lonelyone,

I feel your pain. My situation is very similar and I too have been fighting depression. Try to think of your children and the joy they can bring to you life.

Please stay here and talk it out. That always helps diminish the severety when you realize there are others going through something similar.

We are here for you.

i am new to this web site, but I have read enough to know that the people here are wonderful and supportive.

Dear lonleyone,

Please contact and say how things are at the moment. If you are reading these posts, we all care about you very much.

Please talk to someone. Please post, even if it is only a few words just to say you are there and reading.

Please .... asap,

We are thinking of you.

Please ..... asap,

Kas

Dear lonleyone,

I couldn't logg off before sending another post to you..

Please please please please please please please reply if you are reading these posts to you.

We are all worried and concerned so much for you.

Don't be afraid of sharing ANYTHING. Please come back here and let us know,

please please please please please please please

Am praying for you now,

Kas

Lonelyone,

Please post soon. Your children need you. Reach out to someone, anybody you can think of. Please contact somebody who can help you. Prayers,

graycloud

Sorry I havent been around to respond to others posts. I usually try to stay away from here on weekends cause H is home.

He finally came hom Friday night. Then last night he admitted to me he actually was going to go out and see another woman, not that one was lined up, but had he went through with it he couldve hooked up with another female.

Hes been throwing up the idea to bring another woman into the relationship. Says itll be easier for him to perform while Im there and hes not having to go behind my back. Im standing firm on the fact that I DONT want it and that females do NOTHING for me. The actual thought of being with one makes me want to throw up!

Dear lonleyone,

First of all, am glad you are there still. People who care have been worried about you.

I am now VERY concerned about what you posted;

He finally came hom Friday night. Then last night he admitted to me he actually was going to go out and see another woman, not that one was lined up, but had he went through with it he couldve hooked up with another female.

Hes been throwing up the idea to bring another woman into the relationship. Says itll be easier for him to perform while Im there and hes not having to go behind my back. Im standing firm on the fact that I DONT want it and that females do NOTHING for me. The actual thought of being with one makes me want to throw up!

I don't feel I am perhaps the best qualified to give an answer on this post.

I do feel you are involved in an 'unhealthy' relationship however, which will only make the 'taker' in this ... your H happy, without any thought of the 'receiver' yourself.

I don't feel this is a situaion you should be involved with, but you will have to make FIRM and DEFINATE decisions about your life and your 'self' as a person.

Someone who I believe God is trying to reach??

I can only say I will pray for TRUTH to be revealed in this situation.

Kas