I'm having a bad night. Home alone with the kids, H is working, and I've had one too many drinks. I need a distraction so I don't send this nasty email I have ready to go to the OW. It pisses me off that I am here day after day trying to put our life back together while she is there getting on with her life more then likely ****ing up someone elses marriage....god I didn't deserve this. All I want to do is destroy the ***** and inflict the pain on her that has been caused to me whether it be right, wrong or indifferent.

how can they just go on with their lives like nothing happend, can someone explain that to me? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi,

I am BS also. My FWW is very hurt right now that the OM just "moved on."

Is sounds like the OW in your situation is similar to the OM in mine.

Just remember: YOU are not like the OW. YOU know what it means to respect the vow of M. One day, you will be able to say to your Creator you did what He asked.

Why tarnish it with vengeful thinking?

I had and still have those thoughts too. It is something that you do NOT want to do.

I will stay on and listen for your reply a bit. Feel free to vent.

NCWalker

LBJ, don't you worry, she will get hers someday. So don't envy her. She doesn't have half the character you do and has to settle for the crumbs she gets from someone ELSE's man. She can't get her OWN man. You are far better than that and have no need to reduce yourself to contact someone who is beneath you.

Put down the drink and go to bed, dear.

Are you going to give HER that kind of power over you?

I have mentally composed some scathing letters to the ow myself. (Never sent them of course) .

Very Bad Idea to send them, lol.

Actually I would love to say to her that I am sorry for her, because while she has been messing about with my husband, she is probably missing out on some really great guy that God has for her, who will actually love her and her kids etc. She has been getting in the way of her own happiness.


She is going to find out what a fool she has made of herself in a couple of days, when he moves out and she finds out that he has just been sleeping with her for a place to live and for someone to drive him around.

LJB,
Besides what the others have said, I wanted to make a different point. I am a BS also. Prior to finding out about the FWW's A I was a social drinker. The anger and insuing depression was overwhelming. I started to self medicate by drinking too much. The alcohol made me say things I wouldn't normally (Kinda like your letter to the OW)

I finally decided to stop drinking until I could get my emotions under control. Four months later I feel better about everything. May just decide to not to start drinking again.

Look at your children and decide for yourself.

cwmac

LJB,

I can certainly empathize with you. Wrote my letters to the OW while sober and they were scathing to say the least. Of course never sent them because it would have been like throwing pearls of truth before swine.

That's the point, all your energies and anger will not have the desired effect. You are writing in your language but the OW is from another planet (figuratively speaking). While in the A, the OP (OW/OM) and the WS communicate via another mouth (up the wrong end). Most of the sane part of humanity do not know how to communicate with such alien stupidity.

So don't waste your pearls (sober or not) before the swine of the A.

Put your glass down, tuck your children in bed. Then you tuck yourself in a safe place and get some rest. It will look better in the morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Thank you so very much for the encouragement. This is the first time that I've tried to drink my sorrows away and it only made matters worse, not to mention a killer headache this morning. the kids were already in bed.

Luckily I didn't send the email, there were some very harsh words in there, that normally doesn't come out of my mouth.

I truley believe what goes around comes around but lately it seems like nobody is "getting theirs" and I'm having to pay the price over and over again. My life for the last 8 months have been hell and just when things I thought were getting better I get into a car accident and total our car. You just get to a point like when am I going to get a break!

I know she doesn't deserve my attention and that it doesn't do anyone any good, but man it would feel good to just tell her what a lying deceiful tramp she really is. I won't go there but it sucks that we as the BS usually end up having to take the "high road".

It does get easier doesn't it? I know it's only been 2 months but when does this pain start to fade away?

Dear LJB,

Glad to hear you took the sane route. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As to your question, it does get better or at least easier to handle.

Please read Surviving an Affair by Dr. W. Harley and then Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson. If I got a nickel for every time I mentioned their books, I'd be rich. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

What does happen is that you will learn how to handle yourself better. You will learn what your real boundaries are and then implement them. Respect for you, your family and your M is important. If he can't do that, then you have to really wonder if you s/b in plan A vs plan B.

It does take time and you really should not go to plan B until your mind and heart are in sync. Don't make life making decisions with a shot glass ior tumber in your hand. Make it with a clear mind and a calm heart. Nothing shakes the A more when the BS shows their calm exterior and the OP (esp the OW) realizes they no longer can push your panic button.

Let us know how you are doing. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.