Wow lots of responses here. All of which hold seom truth, and I am willing to recognize that.
First..to Turtle..
I said I was willing to take it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Thank you for noticing. As for the term "sophomoric behavior" - no I have never used it with him, and I am venting. It is true, but to him I say that I feel he is too old to behave like a hormonal teenager. Probably still too much a DJ, but I have tried to tell him how some of his behavior is inappropriate, hurtful, etc nicely and he does not listen. And YES he is desperate to save this marriage, and I respect that. I do question his motivation due to the meal ticket factor. And YES I too have learned that I must speak up. First husband was so abusive that I learned to shut up, and it took a long time to unlearn that. I was the one to take the lead (re poor match) but at that time he was not inclined to work with me or even acknowledge there was a problem. I wore out after a couple years doing it alone, and am hard-pressed to find the motivation now. I have made a lot of noise (positive) about his newfound awareness of himself and his weaknesses. He as also been complimentary of my own eforts towards finding my own weaknesses. As far as being able to have H or another pick up the responsibility that puts me with OM 2hrs a week - always in a group -nope. Regarding financial access, no problem there. There is no money to spend on OM because H doesn't make any and mine can't even cover all the bills we do have. I am way too conscious of every penny to spend it that way, and H knows it. Thanks for your input - I appreciate it
LonelyOne
SS my post angered you. Not trying to piss anyone off. I am getting the answers I need from all posts, even the ones from people who are being hard on me. I deserve it I suppose. Again - I MUST REITERATE - THIS H IS NOT ABUSIVE, that was H#1. And I have never said or implied that I thought OM was helping in any way. In fact, quite the opposite. I have no illusions there. And hubby IS on meds, plenty of them. I made that a requirement long ago when he was beginning to spin out of control with his temper towards MY CHILDREN.
MicheleD... I never said I felt I was not good enough for him. That is far from true. Nor do I think I'm too good. What I meant was that he deserves, as my husband, to not have his W thinking about another man AT ALL, regardless of the circumstances of our marriage.
PlumbBob
I wondered when someone would call me on that one. All his problems are pretty much related to total denial. I know that he loves me, and that he loves the kids. He would do anything for anyone, but cannot see what his own family needs from him, even when it is spelled out. He is just a lost soul at this point, and cannot cope. The worst of his traits occur mostly because he is unaware, not because of evil intent. So, yes, he has done s lot of dumb things, but is basically a good guy. Those things can coexist. For a truly bad guy, see H #1. He beat the hell out of me, cheated on me, threatened the children, tried to kill me, sexually abused me, the list goes on. Thats a bad guy. See the difference?
Thanks all for your input. I love to overthink everything and it makes me crazy. I am proud of myself today, as I drove right past OM's house and did not even look up. Baby steps. Gotta start somewhere.
